Can we have a thread about ways in which your partner initiates sexual intercourse?

[FrannyandZooey]

Do they use certain words or phrases? Or is it more of an action thing?

and is it just mine who tries to think up comedy ones?

"sometimes he just waves it around, calls it 'clacking' for some reason "

Mymeems this is probably a reference to the 70s toy called "clackers" which were two really hard plastic balls that you knocked together for some strange reason (they were incredibly dangerous and, I think, eventually banned)

I love this thread.

Please can it go in mn classics to be re-read.

I am in fact still haunted.

I haven't read the whole thread, but unfortunately, all the northern accents are sounding rather like your poor DP, Frances. You don't reveal any of his actual techniques on here, do you?

I have learnt two new expressions on here, Jack Russelling and Willy Windmills. Both of which DP loves to do

If dp goes to bed when I do, then I know I'm in for it! In the morning he always rubs my bum and boobs, whilst poking me in the back!! Such a romantic!

O M G
Dh is a walking advert for this thread. WE actually got round to it last night (although quite how I kept a straight face after reading this thread is beyond me). He's now come home early from work and whilst at the sink I called across 'Can you fill the kettle?'
Cue Dh: What, like I.........

You can fill in the blanks

Ok, now I have an image of him looking all forlorn with his cold willy.

I've just wet myself reading this

My dh usually come up to me when i'm cooking and says "i'm gonna do you tonight"
Or he'll light a candle in the bedroom when i'm in the shower, always a dead giveaway

at special cream, willy windmill and dry humping you when you are unloading the dishwasher

I have given up all pretence of work as I am shaking in front of my PC with tears rolling down my face.

this is soooooooooo funny-i am snorting with laughter!

mine waggles his eyebrows tooand in fact after about 6 weeks of no sex said in the car today'please can we do it tonight'

i have to keep reminding myself that he is a grown man

oh he has alsosaid im going to split your kipper tonight

CANDLES!

look over there everyone wendy gets candles

get you

and swifty gets begged

mind you kipper splitting is erm..

it's kipper splitting. nuff said.

DP said to me today, do i fancy a session tonight? What that will mean is, by the time i have put DD to bed etc, he will eitehr be snoring on the sofa or watching jean claude van damned on some crappy film and i'll end up going to bed.
alone - again

ROFL at this thread
DH does some classic kitchen-based jack russelling and utters the immortal line: "Come on, I need to clear my pipes"

This thread is a classic.

I have a Jack Russeller here lol. Am PMSL at Grumpy's explanation of Clacking though as he does a bit of that too.

swifty split your kipper?? fpmsl that is so friggin nasty its hilarious. I agree this thread has to be saved and read for years to come!

at clearing pipes!

ah you see NQC did NOT want to read my dp's techniques emkana
I was just sparing her feelings

he didn't look forlorn; he looked quite pleased with himself. That seems to be a prerequisite for most of these lines - WHEN did they all get this ruddy CONFIDENCE in life?

and Capp's kissing is FAB - an actual bit of foreplay! Not a cheesy come on involving kippers

Just though of another one...

DH wanders in from the shower (with an erection) and hangs a towel from his nob inviting me to see what's underneath

Bless...

What about when they press their 'morning glory' into the small of your back?
One time DH did this and I was in a pretty deep sleep and apparently punched it.

My dh makes a grunty noise. It's a cross between Lesley Phillips and a crouching wolverine. Then he looks over at me, smiles, and puts his hands over his head, in the manner of a man who's work is already done.

Lazy bastard!

Is it a big heavy towel wilkie?

It was a bath towel [reasonably proud emoticon]

what is a jack russell?