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Online dating: what do men look for in a woman?

145 replies

NorthAngel · 20/11/2022 18:28

Hi,

Not enjoying OLD at all. I’m finding it a tough experience after coming out of a 23 year marriage. I was very inexperienced on the dating field when I was younger (more interested in getting my career on track and shyness) so haven’t got much clue about OLD.

What do men look for in a woman? Older women (I’m 50 but a young 50).

Just wondered!

OP posts:
IMissVino · 20/11/2022 18:31

Different men look for different things, so it’s a bit ‘how long is a piece of string?’, I’m afraid.

More importantly, what are you looking for?

NorthAngel · 20/11/2022 18:36

That’s true. Same for women.

Someone who has similar interests (likes the outdoors/nature), is fairly active, loves to travel, enjoys city breaks, intelligent, interesting, passionate, affectionate. Connection is very important too.

Think I’m asking too much.

OP posts:
Riapia · 20/11/2022 19:06

Same as men anywhere else.
Instant obedience, without question, and no self confidence.

NoDatingForOldMen · 20/11/2022 19:07

You probably want to ask men,

Personally I look for someone who doesn’t run away at the 1st sight of me, then a connection - anything else is a bonus really

Oopsiedaisyy · 20/11/2022 19:27

NorthAngel · 20/11/2022 18:36

That’s true. Same for women.

Someone who has similar interests (likes the outdoors/nature), is fairly active, loves to travel, enjoys city breaks, intelligent, interesting, passionate, affectionate. Connection is very important too.

Think I’m asking too much.

I somehow found that in Tinder. Spending our time together doing things we both love,

stealthninjamum · 20/11/2022 19:28

I’m about your age and I found lots of men to be arrogant and entitled, wanting someone who was younger and thinner than them. Luckily I met someone but it is like finding a needle in a haystack.

Renrute · 25/11/2022 21:07

Lots of men on Mumsnet.
Lots of women on Dadsnet.
I'm a decent guy never taken advantage of anyone. I have good manners.

worriedandannoyed · 25/11/2022 21:11

Dadsnet?? There's a dadsnet? Ha might take a look

HelloGooodBye · 25/11/2022 21:19

A poster here once said that men want:
'Young and slim. Slim and young'

Roundbasket · 25/11/2022 21:25

HelloGooodBye · 25/11/2022 21:19

A poster here once said that men want:
'Young and slim. Slim and young'

Yes nice to see how men value women for the important qualities isn’t it.

Roundbasket · 25/11/2022 21:27

OP , the man who’s right for you will be looking for someone with the qualities YOU possess
never try to mould yourself into what ‘ men want ‘
what are YOU looking for in a man ?

Artygirlghost · 25/11/2022 22:15

Just be yourself.

There is no point about worrying about ''what men want'' and trying to be someone you are not.

Renrute · 25/11/2022 22:22

Life, experience, sincerity, realism, fun, love.

ManAboutTown · 25/11/2022 22:26

A man's personal point of view (and I'm a few years older than OP but not many)

  • someone who makes me laugh but also think
  • someone who enjoys at least some of the things I enjoy - travel, theatre, gigs, art galleries - rugby, football and cricket would be a real bonus 😂
  • someone who I can sit with for dinner for two hours without the conversation getting stilted
  • affectionate
  • someone with her own circle of friends and social life with them but lets me into her world (and vice versa of course)

Physical attraction is important but as well but it wont last long for me without most or all of the above

LauderSyme · 25/11/2022 22:27

Attractive and sexually available. But I'm a realist cynic.

Appleass · 25/11/2022 22:29

Riapia · 20/11/2022 19:06

Same as men anywhere else.
Instant obedience, without question, and no self confidence.

Well my husband of 37yrs is nothing like that, nor are my brothers, or male work colleagues, and male friends! Dont judge all men by you're experiences.

Msgrieves · 25/11/2022 22:31

LauderSyme · 25/11/2022 22:27

Attractive and sexually available. But I'm a realist cynic.

Just sexually available (more of a cynic)

bouquetofnofucks · 25/11/2022 22:36

Someone sexually knowledgable but inexperienced, opinionated but a pushover, attractive but low maintenance (and cheap)

IntentionalError · 25/11/2022 22:38

First and foremost, men are looking for someone they fancy. Someone they are sexually attracted to. The rest comes later.

C1N1C · 25/11/2022 22:56

Guy here...

In a nutshell at this age, something simple.

Sounds weird but it's true. Things that complicate people (men and women) are often more decisive than the regular good stuff. Anyone can be good looking, smart, rich, busty/endowed, charming, funny... and if you're not, easily compensate for those bits you're not.

I'm finding the older I get (I'm married, but it applies to life in general), I just want something hassle-free!

I might sound like a dick saying this, but hear me out... complications many people have are: kids, health issues, personality 'quirks', debts, parents that are too close/influential/reliant on you, incompatible smoking/drinking/food habits etc etc

I can look at any of the women in my social circle and say yep, they're financially secure, attractive, interesting, funny... (no particular order)... they ALL tick those boxes. What makes or breaks it, i.e. what we look FOR, are the things that make that woman difficult.

And before all the ladies in here say that makes me shallow or a monster etc, MN is plastered in 'red flags'... the man is too controlling, too sexually demanding, too lazy... these are your red flags... these men you're on about are probably also likewise good looking, charming, funny, financially secure etc... but these NEGATIVES are what you judge him on, and what you dump/divorce on.

In short, be a nice, EASY (not sexually, just uncomplicated) woman and you'll be attractive (to the majority).

It's all statistics... if you're a vegan for example, and you insist he is too, you've probably divided your pool by say 25 already. Most men (statistically) are not vegan, and while it can be worked around, most men will not be looking for one... if he is checking out two women and they're near identical, do you think he's going to go for the one he can continue his (statistically) polyphagous lifestyle with, or the one he has to give up, meat, cheese, eggs etc for?...

ZaphodDent · 25/11/2022 23:03

"Someone who has similar interests (likes the outdoors/nature), is fairly active, loves to travel, enjoys city breaks, intelligent, interesting, passionate, affectionate. Connection is very important too."

I'm a man, 51, and that sounds a great description to me! Good luck!

Msgrieves · 25/11/2022 23:07

ZaphodDent · 25/11/2022 23:03

"Someone who has similar interests (likes the outdoors/nature), is fairly active, loves to travel, enjoys city breaks, intelligent, interesting, passionate, affectionate. Connection is very important too."

I'm a man, 51, and that sounds a great description to me! Good luck!

Tbh though that person described sounds boring and generic as fuck. They are 10 a penny on OLD so you will both do well.

JackandVera · 26/11/2022 01:06

C1N1C · 25/11/2022 22:56

Guy here...

In a nutshell at this age, something simple.

Sounds weird but it's true. Things that complicate people (men and women) are often more decisive than the regular good stuff. Anyone can be good looking, smart, rich, busty/endowed, charming, funny... and if you're not, easily compensate for those bits you're not.

I'm finding the older I get (I'm married, but it applies to life in general), I just want something hassle-free!

I might sound like a dick saying this, but hear me out... complications many people have are: kids, health issues, personality 'quirks', debts, parents that are too close/influential/reliant on you, incompatible smoking/drinking/food habits etc etc

I can look at any of the women in my social circle and say yep, they're financially secure, attractive, interesting, funny... (no particular order)... they ALL tick those boxes. What makes or breaks it, i.e. what we look FOR, are the things that make that woman difficult.

And before all the ladies in here say that makes me shallow or a monster etc, MN is plastered in 'red flags'... the man is too controlling, too sexually demanding, too lazy... these are your red flags... these men you're on about are probably also likewise good looking, charming, funny, financially secure etc... but these NEGATIVES are what you judge him on, and what you dump/divorce on.

In short, be a nice, EASY (not sexually, just uncomplicated) woman and you'll be attractive (to the majority).

It's all statistics... if you're a vegan for example, and you insist he is too, you've probably divided your pool by say 25 already. Most men (statistically) are not vegan, and while it can be worked around, most men will not be looking for one... if he is checking out two women and they're near identical, do you think he's going to go for the one he can continue his (statistically) polyphagous lifestyle with, or the one he has to give up, meat, cheese, eggs etc for?...

What a charmer! I feel sorry for your wife.

Watchthesunrise · 26/11/2022 01:12

Eh @JackandVera . I thought that answer from @C1N1C was great.

NorthAngel · 26/11/2022 07:14

Renrute · 25/11/2022 21:07

Lots of men on Mumsnet.
Lots of women on Dadsnet.
I'm a decent guy never taken advantage of anyone. I have good manners.

There’s a Dadsnet? Really?

OP posts: