Online dating: what do men look for in a woman?

[NorthAngel]

Hi,

Not enjoying OLD at all. I’m finding it a tough experience after coming out of a 23 year marriage. I was very inexperienced on the dating field when I was younger (more interested in getting my career on track and shyness) so haven’t got much clue about OLD.

What do men look for in a woman? Older women (I’m 50 but a young 50).

Just wondered!

I would agree with this, when doing OLD I put some things on my profile that I thought would help me, but ultimately I matched with nice enough women, but they were lacking in something, no spark for life.

Or someone who acts how their wife used to be before she realised what knobs they were

OP go younger. Around ten years is the sweet spot I find

@NorthAngel I think you are being a bit hard on yourself, the London guy clearly thought you were not the one for him - I had a few dates when doing OLD, they were nice enough ppl, but just not the one for me ( or them).
I doubt you are being overlooked, you are just not want someone is currently looking for.
When I was doing OLD, I didn’t really know what I was looking for, but I knew it when I found it.

Trouble is…I’m losing hope.

Some of them are looking for a bit on the side. They may mention this up front, but not all do. Some of them want sex but nothing else. Some of them want every moment of your attention, even when you've told them you're busy with work. Some of them want you to ignore their ED and be fine with it...

There are all sorts out there, including my lovely colleague who is in the wrong country. But it is a numbers game, and you have to be in the right frame of mind for it, because there's a lot of dross to trawl through before you find the gems - and they are out there.

If,by the age of 50, someone hasn't gained an ex or two or other complications along the way, I'd wonder what they'd been doing with their life.

you need to take a break, OLD should come with a mental health warning in the same way the cigarettes come physical health warnings

OK I will give you that one 😀 I think it was the way it was written. You do seem full of advice though for a married man...or have you not been a married man for long?

I guess I don’t like the feeling that I’m a page in a catalogue. That’s what it feels like!

Usually far more than they have to offer.

@C1N1C 'but you're telling me if you found two men on OLD and one had 50k of gambling debts and there was a similar man with an 'easier' challenge to overcome, you wouldn't err for the easier?...'

I think blokes would just go for whoever is fitter.
Does anyone watch Dinner Date? 95% end up with whoever was the hottest regardless of cooking skill, chemistry or entertainment. Patti Stanger of Millionaire MatchMaker used to tell her millionaire Batchelors not to pick with your dick, because that's the tendency with men I find they will overlook so much if you look attractive. Finances and no crazy MIL or exes are more of a concern for women I think... happy to be corrected though.

ED an issue then?

I heard from women dating in their 40s and 50s (with men their own age or older) that ED is rife.

I guess it is maybe as common as a dry vagina is in women of that age?

I'm not sure it's the same thing, no. It's very easy to pop some lube in there. Some people might prefer anal sex. ED... I feel sorry for guys (and their partners).

I don’t know why it comes across that women want more out of a relationship than men, when over 50.

When I had marriage issues I gave this a lot of thought and I came to the conclusion that my needs are very different to what they were when I was younger. For example, if we want to be basic about it, growing up I was conditioned to think I need a man to get a house, be financially secure and have children. As a 50 year old woman, I have those things. I now don’t need a man for this. Also, a new partner at 50+ would be no match for the love I feel for my DC and any DGC. Also, chances are that a man the same age as me is going to age faster, and I wouldn’t want to be their carer. That person wouldn’t have paid enough insurance premiums (helping past finances, helping with DC, being there for the bad stuff in 20’s, 30’s and 40’s) into my life to warrant that payout.

So, what would I need one for? Dinner, drinks out, weekends away, shared hobbies and intimacy (if my post-menopausal self could be arsed?) Good girlfriends would tick a lot of these boxes.

I think at 50+ it’s good to work out what you need from a partner, and recognise how much of that is conditioning. From this, then decide what you want from a partner and go into OLD with a clear head of what you’ll put up with, and won’t. If you think about it, it’s no different to that bloke upthread who said meet twice a week and be chilled about it all.

Men on OLD seem to think they hold all the cards. They shouldn’t. They seem to think they have all the worth. They don’t. We need to ask ourselves what it is exactly that WE get out of this. They seem to get a lot of sex, and a new house keeper. I’m struggling to see what’s in it for us?

ED medication is cheap, non-prescription and easily available, it’s hardly an issue these days

Funny you should say that as the guy who I met up with in London (we’d both travelled from the north and stayed in separate hotels) seemed to have an issue in that area. We went to, you know, after messing around on the bed in my hotel room and he was quite soft I thought and pulled out and finished himself off. It was after this that he seemed to lose interest in me! I swear it isn’t me as I can turn men on quite easily these days!

And, for the record, this vagina is wet, wet, wet!! No problem with me at all. Post-menopausal too!

and that is what I meant. The way some people refer to men on here in that respect is appalling. Men could easily say " oh god yeah all those old 50s women with their dry fannies" Both sexes age and have issues.

I think this a great post for both genders, I really wish more men were like one alluded to in this posts, - meet twice a week and be chilled about it all.

Online dating is hard and to quote a poster somewhere on here, you need a skin like a rhino to do it.
Taking a break helps - and doing things that fill your soul with joy.

It also helps to think about it as a numbers game. I work a night a week in a bar - most nights I'll see maybe 100 men. In a year of doing that only maybe 1 a night will catch my eye. And once I've spoken to them that drops rapidly.

So 100 become 1 every month - and then it needs to be mutual. That's in real life when you can see what they look like, how they speak and how they carry themselves. Online dating is even harder to measure.

I'm on a break from it at the moment because I found it too soul destroying and because it gives people permission to behave quite badly.

However I'd echo the post upthread which says be clear about what you want and need from a potential partner. Working out that at 48 with kids and a very busy life what I wanted was someone for sex, intimacy, laughter and nights out with an eye on the long term was really useful.

Good luck OP - what random strangers on a dating site think of you does not define you or mean anything really!

Unfortunately I agree, that’s a great analogy, like flicking through the Argos catalogue, but less fun.

It’s awful 😞

ED medication is cheap, non-prescription and easily available, it’s hardly an issue these days

Depends on the cause. I had one guy who was up front that he was on medication that affected him. Some of them haven't had problems or sorted it before I knew. Another sorted it for our second attempt by getting Viagra. But some aren't going to get a second chance, because there's a lot you can do without an erection, and if they are too focused on themselves, I'm better off single, which is something they don't all realise. They're not competing with each other, but with me preferring to stay single than making do with rubbish men.

They're not competing with each other, but with me preferring to stay single than making do with rubbish men.

and I’m sure there are plenty of men who would rather stay single than make do