Page 5 | Online dating: what do men look for in a woman?

NorthAngel · 2022-11-20T18:28:06+00:00

Hi, Not enjoying OLD at all. I’m finding it a tough experience after coming out of a 23 year marriage. I was very inexperienced on the dating field when I was younger (more interested in getting my career on track and shyness) so haven’t got much clue about OLD. What do men look for in a woman? Older women (I’m 50 but a young 50). Just wondered!

HelenHywater · 27/11/2022 06:03

Hello @NorthAngel I am in the same position as you. Dating in my early 50s.

There used to be a thread on here started by someone dating in their 50s. She gave up in the end! I think a thread like that would be helpful again.

It is hard! I had a date last night with someone who I had been speaking to on what's app for a while. (That's a mistake, don't do that). I turned up and he was several stone heavier than I had expected, who looked very different to his photos.

And my experience is also that there is a lot of ED around too. fwiw. (I had a very similar experience to you in the hotel)

I don't feel too despondent, but I do feel a bit that my female friends are much more fun, interesting, attractive, and clever than any of the men out there right now.

daisychain01 · 27/11/2022 06:42

WGO · 27/11/2022 01:08

I'd say men online look for a goldmine and sex from a woman who isn't demanding and let's them come and go as they please.

So basically OLD they are looking for part times committment free lovers.

Undemanding is the word!

Women can be their own worst enemies. How often do we see threads in Relationships where women think they're really cool with a Friends with Benefits arrangement, only to be shocked and disappointed when the man takes them at their word and discards them like a used tissue with a substandard friendship and unattached, wham-bam sex as the side dish. I can't fathom what a woman gets from that type of encounter, it's fraught with disappointment, but maybe I'm old fashioned and much too "demanding".

EBearhug · 27/11/2022 06:57

Clearly ED is a much more difficult thing as it renders sex impossible without a drug

Only if PiV is the only thing in your repertoire, and if that's the case, the sex is probably not that great anyway.

Original poster

NorthAngel · 27/11/2022 07:04

HelenHywater · 27/11/2022 06:03

Hello @NorthAngel I am in the same position as you. Dating in my early 50s.

There used to be a thread on here started by someone dating in their 50s. She gave up in the end! I think a thread like that would be helpful again.

It is hard! I had a date last night with someone who I had been speaking to on what's app for a while. (That's a mistake, don't do that). I turned up and he was several stone heavier than I had expected, who looked very different to his photos.

And my experience is also that there is a lot of ED around too. fwiw. (I had a very similar experience to you in the hotel)

I don't feel too despondent, but I do feel a bit that my female friends are much more fun, interesting, attractive, and clever than any of the men out there right now.

I was never a dating type when I was younger - which probably explains why I ended up with someone who I wasn’t deeply on love with - so I am finding it quite tough. I started talking to someone yesterday (from Bumble) who seems nice but across the other side of the country (I think we only matched as I was across his side the day before) which isn’t ideal.

I hadn’t realised the ED issue was common but I found not strange that he pulled out and finished off in front of me! He definitely felt on the soft side. I met him via Tinder and we chatted a while before actually meeting. I thought he was very polite and respectful in that he wasn’t badgering me for naughty pics (like most were) or talking sexual. He also blushed when I kissed him the first time which I thought was a bit odd for a man of 51. He had never married or had children but was close to his mum and sisters (and was obviously a very devoted uncle to his nieces). There was no warning that he was going to shut down after our time in London and, as far as I was concerned, we had enjoyed each other's company. He even said he did. I can only think that there is an issue there with ED and maybe he was embarrassed about it. I was very hurt tbh. Even if he did have ED it is fixable these days and I am not the sort of person to have walked away from him just because of that. He was a lovely man. Only decent one I had met from OLD. He hasn’t been back on Tinder and he is still showing on my messages list (he hasn’t deleted me) which strengthens the ED theory - I think he has stepped back from the dating scene. I didn’t realise how common ED is in men this age.

Anyway, I’m off out to the theatre and for a nice meal next weekend with girlfriends. That’ll be a nice change.

OP posts:

Roundbasket · 27/11/2022 07:38

EBearhug · 27/11/2022 06:57

Clearly ED is a much more difficult thing as it renders sex impossible without a drug

Only if PiV is the only thing in your repertoire, and if that's the case, the sex is probably not that great anyway.

Yes of course I’m referring to piv. That doesn’t mean it’s the only thing in a woman’s ‘repertoire however many women will be wanting that .

seem a few people git their knickers in a knot at women saying Ed is common amongs men . Even going so far as name calling older women.

Roundbasket · 27/11/2022 07:40

I’ll rephrase lest I be accused of only having a limited repertoire and not to upset those who seem to be a little sensitive

Clearly ED is a much more difficult thing as it renders piv sex impossible without a drug, which is something many women enjoy and would like.

Joey69 · 27/11/2022 07:59

Roundbasket · 27/11/2022 00:42

M

Anywhere in the world I wouldn’t consider having to take a prescription medication somehow ‘easier ‘ than an over the counter lubricant

a man with ED not having acccess to a DRUG can make him unable to have sex . The little blue pill IS a drug , lubricant is just a gel , often used for other reasons also like condom use etc

its like saying needing medication to stop your hair falling out is ‘easier’ than having to moisturise it cause it’s dry . Obviously needing a medicine is a much bigger requirement than a lubricant , even if one is able to source the medicine .

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If you are in the UK, Viagra not a prescription medication, you can buy it over the counter in Boots or Lloyds Pharmacy in the same way as you can by lubricant,

It is no more difficult to take than a paracetamol, and can be as cheap as a takeaway coffee.
so I stand behind my statement that ED meds are cheap and effective ( if you are in the UK ) and you do not need internally apply anything, anywhere, so also easier to use than lube.

Tuilpmouse · 27/11/2022 08:00

And, for the record, this vagina is wet, wet, wet!! No problem with me at all. Post-menopausal too!

😂 Put that on your on-line dating bio and you'll have no problem at all in attracting men! (albeit probably the wrong sort...)

Roundbasket · 27/11/2022 08:05

Joey69 · 27/11/2022 07:59

If you are in the UK, Viagra not a prescription medication, you can buy it over the counter in Boots or Lloyds Pharmacy in the same way as you can by lubricant,

It is no more difficult to take than a paracetamol, and can be as cheap as a takeaway coffee.
so I stand behind my statement that ED meds are cheap and effective ( if you are in the UK ) and you do not need internally apply anything, anywhere, so also easier to use than lube.

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Yes it’s on prescription where I am and many other places … also takes time to work , between half hour and 4 hours

Roundbasket · 27/11/2022 08:06

Tuilpmouse · 27/11/2022 08:00

And, for the record, this vagina is wet, wet, wet!! No problem with me at all. Post-menopausal too!

😂 Put that on your on-line dating bio and you'll have no problem at all in attracting men! (albeit probably the wrong sort...)

Lol true indeed

Joey69 · 27/11/2022 08:16

Roundbasket · 27/11/2022 08:05

Yes it’s on prescription where I am and many other places … also takes time to work , between half hour and 4 hours

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and ?
not sure what axe you are trying to grind, do older men often need help with erections, yes.
do older women often need lubricant to enjoy sex, yes.

So what 🤷🏼

Roundbasket · 27/11/2022 08:22

Joey69 · 27/11/2022 08:16

and ?
not sure what axe you are trying to grind, do older men often need help with erections, yes.
do older women often need lubricant to enjoy sex, yes.

So what 🤷🏼

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I don’t have an axe to grind . I think it’s a good think they make viagra available over the counter . I do however disagree with people comparing older men have Ed to calling older
women ‘dried up old prunes’ or saying taking a drug is somehow easier than wiping some lubricant on one’s body
both are ridiculous statements
seems men are the ones who get all in a knot the minute ex is even raised (‘pardon the pun )

munnytrin · 27/11/2022 08:26

I remembered that, thanks to threads here where I first heard of it, that apparently DE (delayed ejaculation) is the problem that many men post 40 start to encounter. That's the one I was thinking of. I'm not sure if medication can help with that - disclaimer that it may well but I have no idea.

Roundbasket · 27/11/2022 08:28

@Joey69

you do realise the thread actually involves a woman who is encountering Ed with men not dryness … just wondering why men feel the need to chime in about vaginal dryness, hrt and ‘ dried up old prunes 🤷🏻‍♀️

Joey69 · 27/11/2022 08:31

@Roundbasket

this is a quote from a female , poster, upthread somewhere, scroll back and take a read

It's very easy to pop some lube in there. Some people might prefer anal sex.

I was pointing out to her that a man taking a pill is going to easier than either of her suggestions

MoonbeamsGlittering · 27/11/2022 08:35

@NorthAngel You sound great OP. I think you'll find someone - I think it's just a question of how many bumps there will be along the way, which must be very discouraging I'm sure.

It seems like a lot of men don't necessarily take great care of themselves, whereas I think most women look after themselves better, so the numbers can get quite unbalanced, and women end up sifting through to try to find the few men who seem to be on par with what the women can offer. (I'm really not trying to offend anyone here - it's just my opinion.)

Joey69 · 27/11/2022 08:43

Roundbasket · 27/11/2022 08:28

@Joey69

you do realise the thread actually involves a woman who is encountering Ed with men not dryness … just wondering why men feel the need to chime in about vaginal dryness, hrt and ‘ dried up old prunes 🤷🏻‍♀️

and again, I know about ED med etc, it’s not me “chiming in “ about HRT and prunes, and the thread actually started off with a woman asking about when men want are looking for in a woman on OLD and has become an

All men are shit in bed, and all men over 40 cannot get an erection and they are all shit anyway thread

I’m just trying to point out that ED meds are cheap and effective,

munnytrin · 27/11/2022 08:47

I don't think (says Google) there is a quick fix for DE (delayed ejaculation) though. That often comes up as problematic on these threads.

Kenny69 · 27/11/2022 09:03

HelloGooodBye · 26/11/2022 23:09

@Joey69 It's not a personal attack on the male readers here to say ED is rife in 40+ men from what I anecdotally heard. I don't take pleasure in their difficulties. I think it must be difficult for all parties involved. It wasn't a pop at men or a men vs women thing. This is a largely women's platform it's hardly surprising if we discuss men.
The problem with ED is that you need to have admitted to yourself you have this problem and actually went and got this cheap, non prescription, easily available medication and taken it. Partner might also appreciate a heads up before the event. Men are statistically less likely to seek medical help let alone about embarrassing issues. Some men are in denial about their ED because they think 'hey I have no trouble ejaculating to porn so I'm fine!'.
Getting older also increases likelihood of unhealthy lifestyle catching up with you as well as health issues that directly or indirectly cause ED. It's not a pop at men to state a fact. Its not tit for tat as some posters like to turn this into sexism war.
And sorry to be crude but a dry vagina is easily rectified there and then. I'm sure you can use your imagination and lube/condoms are such a standard thing that many couples have. I actually think you do men a disservice when you and others pull out the dry vagina card because ED is in my view harder to deal with.

But It clearly is a personal attack, or you wouldn’t go to such great pains to say it’s not a personal attack, and if the evidence is anecdotal for you, then you are simply repeating what others have said.

Roundbasket · 27/11/2022 09:06

Joey69 · 27/11/2022 08:43

and again, I know about ED med etc, it’s not me “chiming in “ about HRT and prunes, and the thread actually started off with a woman asking about when men want are looking for in a woman on OLD and has become an

All men are shit in bed, and all men over 40 cannot get an erection and they are all shit anyway thread

I’m just trying to point out that ED meds are cheap and effective,

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I certainly didn’t interpret the thread as becoming all men over 40 are shit in bed etc and IF it did then certain posters didn’t need to come back by insulting older women and name calling .
not saying you did that..
i agree that people of both genders can encounter different issues and age can sometimes make them worse . This thread involves ex and delayed ejaculation so hopefully some people will have some sound advice for OP

Original poster

NorthAngel · 27/11/2022 09:39

Tuilpmouse · 27/11/2022 08:00

And, for the record, this vagina is wet, wet, wet!! No problem with me at all. Post-menopausal too!

😂 Put that on your on-line dating bio and you'll have no problem at all in attracting men! (albeit probably the wrong sort...)

And that’s exactly why I won’t put this on my profile! Same reason I won’t post my assets!

OP posts:

Joey69 · 27/11/2022 09:40

@Roundbasket
I certainly didn’t interpret the thread as becoming all men over 40 are shit in bed etc

go back and actually read the entire thread, starts off with a poster asking about OLD advice and becomes “all men over 40 have ED, don’t bother with then”,
check out the post from HelloGoodBye, @ 23:09 that’s just a thinly veiled attack on men over 40.
Im over 40, ( over 50 actually), and everything still works how it should, BUT I also know I’m in the prime age group for ED, so I make sure I know all about the treatments as I will probably need them at some point.

as an aside, I’m also long-sighted, but that doesn’t mean I gave up reading, instead I went to the optician and got some glasses and I carried on reading, and it’s going to like that with sex, if my erections because less “effective”, does that mean I should give up sex, no, I’m going to take a pill and hopefully carry on having sex.

Original poster

NorthAngel · 27/11/2022 09:42

Can we stop with the arguments over ageing male and female bodies.

I just mentioned about that guy as a way of addressing why he called it a day so quickly. I really feel bad he felt like that as I’m not the sort of person who would’ve though anything less of him and, like you guys have said, there is treatment available.

Of course, he genuinely might have had second thoughts about me!

OP posts:

Original poster

NorthAngel · 27/11/2022 09:43

*thought

OP posts:

EBearhug · 27/11/2022 10:36

All men are shit in bed, and all men over 40 cannot get an erection

Definitely not all. Some are incredibly good.