Husband is out with another woman

[southeastlady]

For a little over a week now my husband has moved himself into the spare room saying he’s not happy at the moment.

Tonight he’s out with a mystery person and I was asking him what time he’d be in just because I wanted to know about locking the front door and he text back

We’re on a break please leave me to my night!!

and then

We’re not together right now, please stop acting like we are

Sorry just devastated

Yes. Because that’s a good plan. That will really help @southeastlady and her professional career

wrong thread...

The reason he is saying 'break' not divorce is because he wants the freedom and none of the responsibility.

He knows his lifestyle is screwed if you divorce. He knows its him who will have to move out. At least you know he has somewhere to go over night now.

Your issues are
his debt - you need to start divorce proceeding so he doesn't get chance to saddle you with more of that and to wipe out your savings.
your need for childcare.

Saying he is on a break, is an abdication of responsibilty for your child. He thinks its ok to stay out all night without thought of how your son is going to feel about him rolling in at 7am and saying he is on a break from Mum. All he is going to see is Mum distressed and Dad being horrid.

'Break' assumes he calls the shots and he can come running back to you whenever he just feels like it. As in its a temporary thing and he can do whatever the hell he likes in the meantime. Until he moves out, you have every right to ask him who he is with and when he will be back because it has an impact on you, and you need to be able to explain things to your son.

So call your mum and see if her moving in with you, is an option as it would solve a lot of your problems. And see a solicitor to get divorce proceedings going because you can't just live like this for your sons sake. The relationship is clearly over and you don't have any choice but to divorce. Its not a situation which is salvagable.

You just have to figure the rest out after that unfortunately.

This

X 100

if you are married then be careful with savings pensions and inheritance as he might dispute all of them and have a right to half . Please contact a solicitor asap

I know a wonderful solicitor who specialises in family law

London and surrounding areas

She is 100 per cent fantastic and has a great reputation

Dm xxxx

I’m leaving for work soon and he’s still hiding in the spare room.

I bet as soon as I leave he’ll go downstairs

What a knob

He might be 'taking a break' from your relationship, but he can't just take a break from being a dad, so he will have to step up and look after your dc while you are at work.

This man is a child, there is no such thing as a free meal.

Hopefully you are getting fed up with this younger man who has been freeloading off you, biting the hand that feeds and disrespecting you.

He is not a credit in your life, only a debit.

Ok.

Got any male friends? Any from work who would be happy to give him a dose of his own medicine? You don't have to sleep with them, but certainly have them come over and be a new male presence in your life. Only to make him uncomfortable and to show him that he's not irreplaceable and utterly irresistible. Cheaters have such a lofty regard of their value. Let him see he's not got that. And tell him to move his stuff out. His name is only on 30% of that property. If possible, and if your 70% will buy you a two bed in the area, I'd sell rather than have him tussle with me over a property. And, of course, divorce him asap.

He sounds utterly repugnant - doing drugs all weekend, on a ‘break’, doesn’t have the grace to move out. What an utter .
Stop thinking about what you don’t have, what the possible other woman does have etc. it’s an irrelevance. Men like this do this sort of of stuff regardless of anything that you are.

You're suggesting her male colleague batter him?intimidate him? I think of any of her colleagues were to do this they’d be disciplined (rightly so)
what brutal world do you live in where the retaliation for a a marital breakdown is violence and intimidation
she is a professional woman in a responsible job, so no I don’t think she won’t be getting her husband intimidated

I don’t think she’s suggesting violence. She’s suggesting giving the impression that OP is also seeing other people…

It’s not a great idea, but she’s not suggesting getting colleagues to “batter” anyone

Only a bit of intimidation, oh well then..that’s ok. Plus she doesn’t have to sleep with her colleagues?what a bonus

Good! Let him hide. If I were you I'd continually be in the living room watching shows he hates on telly and the kitchen banging pots, pans, and the cupboard doors if I knew it'd make him stay out of those rooms! And he'd be getting the icy cold shoulder if he entered them.

Could your mum move in 'temporarily' before she moves near your brother? I'm thinking she could suddenly appear and take over the spare room so he'd have to sleep on the couch. Crowd him out as it were.

Point being to make him as uncomfortable as you possibly can. Right now he's got it 'good', he comes and goes as he pleases, lives in a house that is most likely kept clean by you, and you try to avoid him as much as you can. Time to turn the tables, I think.

Exactly this. "On a break" is the kind of language you would use if you were 15 and dating someone. You don't get to be "on a break" if you have made marriage vows. You're in or you're out. He sounds like a spoiled and immature turd.

It's a LTB from me.

If he wants his own life, he needs to move out.

Yes, he's legally entitled to stay. Doesn't mean that he should do though, if he was decided the relationship is over and already seeing other people. Is he going to sneak women in while OP is at work? He has no respect for her as it is.

He needs to move out.

*We’re on a break please leave me to peace and quiet in my own house. Please let me know your moving out date."

Oh, piss off@Zone2NorthLondon. Of course I wasn't saying her mates should come and beat him up. FFS, honestly. I despair of the comprehension on here sometimes. 🙄🙄

He's trying to make her feel like she's nothing to him while keeping her as an option for himself with this "break". I would say she show him that she's not going to be mooning around crying and waiting for him to settle for her. Having male friends around can give that firm message that he's not got her hanging on, he isn't The Man and he doesn't get to think he is. They don't have to be anything except men in a space he thinks is his and that he can come and go from without question and without any change affecting him....except it's 70% OPs, and if I were in her position (ever again) that's what I would do. That's how I would communicate. Through my actions, rather than my words.

And I said you don't have to sleep with anyone to make sure that nobody thought I was saying she should select a colleague to bang for revenge. But no, if there's a way to misinterpret, it will absolutely be grabbed and ran away with. 🙄

@JosephFrancis so ease up on the whispery Phil Mitchell posts bout getting the boys over. All this having men in the space, what?Why? Is she a weak mere woman with her pomander, only a man in proximity can send a decisive message. You’re making yourself look daft. All the silly suggestions

Talk to a solicitor. Sell the house or buy him out. Get rid of the fucking twat. He is utterly disrespectful. How dare he say "he's on a break". Like he can come back to you. No thanks. He's used goods after this.

You need to get very very strong OP and start thinking fast. Get this man out of your life once and for all. He'll never be what you want him to be.

If your DM can come and live with you and look after your child while you continue to work and you get on and things are good there - then why not? You need support until your DC is older and your DM needs somewhere to live. You could have a LIFE and a life free of this utter idiot. If she's kind and supportive I'd say coming to live with you for a year or two would be a brilliant idea.

You don’t need to live with your mum forever.but whilst your both finding your feeet after her sale and your split it could be a really good option. It gives you both support and time. And also helps with costs.
it certainly doesn’t need to be forever.
just stop waiting.your still talking about what he’s doing. You need to start acting.now. Whilst he still thinks little wifey is living within the “break”. Imagine getting everything sorted and just placing it in front of him.boom.