He wants a couple of nights retreat and I don't know what to say

[walkinthewoodstoday]

My DH has just sent me a message saying he would like a few nights of silent retreat (and written dates). We have a 9 month old and a 7 year old. I am not yet back at work but will be soon. I don't know if I am lazy or struggling with mental health but some days I just find things really hard. When I stopped breastfeeding and my period came back I was so anxious and stressed I started to get dizzy. I am constantly worrying about whether the boiler will break or the roof will leak etc. I function in the sense I feed my 9 month old, play with him and put him down for rests. With the older one I feed and do my best. I often don't bother to feed myself. I have to force myself up and out with both of them to do the school run at 8am and then I just survive. Some days are OK though. I think I'm just mentally burnt out from being 'on' the whole time. Him asking to have a couple of days away just makes me feel sad. I can't control him but by asking me it puts me in an awkward situation. Please help me with how to respond.

I see - a religious retreat. So where does the concern for other people come into the picture - or does his religion consist of looking after number one?

Wow 😮. He’s a real piece of work isn’t he?

I think you have much bigger issues than this “retreat” crap OP.

It is really a shock when you suddenly realise you are in an abusive relationship. Give yourself time to get your head around it. Maybe speak to women's aid, consider starting a new thread in relationships when you feel able. There are many, many women in similar situations and they have come out the other side with good advice and support on here.

Quite!

We'd all bloody like a silent retreat for a few nights with a couple of little kids in the house, wouldn't we! How ridiculous that he expects it as if he's the only precious parent in the world to want some enforced peace and quiet, and no parental responsibility whatsoever, while making your life twice as hard, of course. Jeez.

It is hard to be assertive and stick up for yourself when you are ground down over years in a coercive controlling relationship. OP, you must be feeling very trapped and powerless right now, but there is help out there. Speak to Women's Aid.

It's probably because reality bites. He sounds awful.

So he basically wants some time alone not hearing from you when you both have Two young children...?

I'd be telling him he's a self indulgent turd!

Yuck.

Good for you OP. The fact that he communicated this via text message and not a face to face adult conversation would have pissed me right off, just as much as his "request".

He sounds very immature and selfish.

I'm so sorry you are in this position. I'm a carer for our severely disabled DS17 and often neglect my own needs to ensure that his are fully met, so I totally understand your despair.

However I am now much better at recognising that you cannot draw water from a dry well and to be able to care for others you need to care for yourself first.

Good Luck

I can see that you are not replying any more OP and that’s fine but I just wanted to say it sounds like you are finding life tough at the moment and that anxiety is an issue for you, especially since stopping breastfeeding. The change in mood around stopping breastfeeding is common and does often improve within a few weeks but if it’s not improving then you may really benefit from seeking out professional help for your mental health if you haven’t already. Your GP would be a good place to start.

@Flamingosarepinkpinkpink wrong thread

RandomMusings7 thanks I have reported

We'll be here when you need us. Sometimes you have to step away and digest.

Seconded.

💐💐💐

OP, you've stated your intention not to post further. But on the off chance that you read this post, I know just how painful that 'scales falling from the eyes' moment is. You'll need to take your time to digest this, and to feel secure in whatever choices you make as a result. It's hard, and it's not a thing that can be processed overnight.

I just wanted to wish you good luck and godspeed. I hope you're okay.

Please update the thread when you feel able @walkinthewoodstoday . There are loads of us who are rooting for you.

Sorry but he sounds like a total DICK!!! Actually I’m not sorry, he does just sound like a total dick and it sounds like you are enabling him to be one, stand up to him and make him pull his weight FFS

'Thirded'.

I’m sorry but I think your being ridiculous. It seems like your very frantic and need to calm down a bit. Having two children is hard yes (I have 3) but one of them is 7! It’s not like you have two totally reliant children. You sound insanely negative about EVERYTHING. I think maybe you need to go and see a doctor about the way your feeling. I really don’t think him wanting to go away for a couple of nights is such a major especially during the week when your 7 year old is at school anyway! Your only looking after one child during the day!

@Mummyof3dc maybe sort out your horrid grammar at least before you come here to give rubbish advice...?

I am sorry that you feel that way about my grammar. I didn’t realise this was an English lesson. I also appreciate that you think my advice is rubbish but I’m not the only person who is very concerned about her lack of coping. I really don’t understand quite what is so full on with looking after a 9 month old

Have you read all of OP's posts?

@Mummyof3dc have you missed the abusive behaviour by the DH

Well considering HE can't manage it for a couple of days alone without becoming abusive, I'd say OP is the least concerning parent.

The only time my husband understood what I went through was when I went to Spain for a week on my own - my children were 2 and 4. By all means, allow him his retreat but make sure you have your time for you straight afterwards. It's also a shame that yet again I've come across this situation and the husband hasn't said 'honey why don't you go on a retreat?' We seem to look out for everyone including our spouses but they seem blind to our needs but have no problem speaking up for themselves.