Partner pushed me in front of our child

[Justifiedormyfault]

We have issues anyway but I'm say here shaking. Am I over exaggerating?
This was the conversation...

For context. I do absolutely everything in the house, he's only recently started helping more with our child and he frequently stays away.

This happened in our sons bedroom. I was putting him to bed.

Partner goes to get some cream for our 3 year olds rash
Me- "I can do that, you go to the pub" (he said he was going for a drink)
Him "No. I'll do it, you're incompetent. If it was upto you. Nothing would get done"
Me- "that's not very nice"
He puts cream ln our sons face, who screams because it stings
This is where I know I was antagonistic and it's probably my fault but I was upset at his suggestion because literally do everything.
Me "Well done. Lucky you're so competent"

He grabs hold of me, says you're a fucking bitch. Whilst grabbing hd of my arms, he pushes me out of the bedroom, telling me I'm a fucking twat. Slams the door on me and holds it shut so I can't get in.

Our 3 year old is shouting mummy, let mummy in and partner says
"No mummy is horrible and rude to daddy".

He finally lets me in. I ask if he can please leave so I can put our son to bed.
I tell him I cant believe he has physically grabbed me in front of our child and he says I'm ridiculous.

Am I exaggerating? I know I shouldn't have made any comment to him, I was just upset because I literally non stop run around after everyone and frequentloom after our child days on end whilst he's not here. So suggesting nothing would be done without him has upset me.

I'm shaking sat in our sons room. I can hear partner downstairs and I'm too anxious to go down. Partly because I can't handle anymore being belittled and told off and partly because Im worried he will leave me (I'm pathetic).

Ring the police.

You have been assaulted.

I'm so sorry.

where I know I was antagonistic and it's probably my fault

It is absolutely NOT your fault.
He is abusive.
Please make steps to leave so your DS doesn’t have to grow up witnessing this behaviour. This is a horrible situation for him to have to grow up in.
If you don’t feel safe are you and your DS able to leave to stay with family tonight?

Police right now. Or one day your ds could be looking at his dm's dead body...

It's not your fault. No matter what problems there are in a relationship, him using physical force against you isn't acceptable. Him calling you an "incompetent twat" isn't acceptable either.

You constantly running around like a headless chicken won't help and it will just make you ill. There is a point where you have to accept It's over.

Even reading between the lines of this post he doesn't sound like a nice person.

Of course it's not your fault. Your partner is a violent, abusive arsehole. Report him to the police and make plans to leave asap.

I know I shouldn't have made any comment to him,

OP, listen to yourself. He’s got you terrorised. Please get yourself and DC to safety.

I honestly think I’d be contacting the police. He has no Right to put his hands on you, ever, and the fact he shut you away from your upset child who was calling for you while he spoke so badly of you is diabolical.
Even without the assault, before the swearing even, he sounds awful. Belittling and nasty. You should leave him, you deserve better.

Get help. Get out.

I know I shouldn't have made any comment to him,

Why tf not? Sounds like something I'd say to my dh - but the whole conversation would be good natured. That's the thing. The same conversation can be had in two different houses with very different interpretations. In one, the DP is a good man, he's a partner and whatever he might joke, he loves and supports you. But that's not your P, is it? And if you have a nasty piece of work, he'll point out that there's nothing inherently wrong with what he said, which may be true, and conclude that the problem is you, which is definitely not true.

Anyway, much more importantly, your poor DS, wanting you, but being told you're horrible. That sort of situation can really screw a child up if it becomes normalised. Make plans to leave: protect your child.

He is an abusive aggressive violent nasty bully. This always escalates.

You need to leave. Yes you love him. But once you're away from him you will realise you're better off without him. And if you can't do it for yourself, do it for your son. It's not an exaggeration to say it will fuck him up for life if you stay and he sees his dad abusing his mum

Jesus, you guys sound toxic. Just leave

He’s got you terrorised.

And their son, too.

@Justifiedormyfault, this thug is abusing both you and your little boy. It’s chilling to know that your child is being exposed to this verbally/emotionally/physically violent home.

You need to contact the police and formulate an exit plan. Consider accessing IC for support.

Your comment was pretty funny, your partner isn’t, he’s a prick. You did nothing wrong OP, he’s a thug. How easily could you split?

That poor, poor baby.

Let him go to the pub, don't be there when he returns. I'd also make arrangements to have the locks changed next time he goes out. He has been emotionally and physically abusive to you in front of your 3 year old. Firstly calling you incompetent was emotionally abusive and gaslighting. And secondly it didn't matter what you said back to him if he didn't like it he could have left the room to calm down like a normal, adult man and then talked it through with you later when he was calmer. But he didn't he assaulted you and scared you infront of your child. Then minimised the fact he did that and took himself off to the pub to have a good night out like nothing happened. You are absolutely within your rights to call the police and report this. They can serve a pin notice on him to keep him away from your home until you decide what to do next. If you think there's even a small chance he'll come back from the pub aggressive and angry I would take your little one and an overnight bag and stay with a friend/ family or ring womens aid who will help you find accommodation that's safe. He is the one who is in the wrong here not you. You deserve so much better.

CALL THE POLICE RIGHT NOW.
Get out, get out, get out.
Put your son in the car, gather your documents and leave.

You’re not pathetic. Please don’t think that.
You are not the first and sadly, you won’t be the last to go through an abusive relationship.

You and your DS deserve so much more. He’s so little and he’s taking everything in at the moment, he needs you to be strong and take steps to protect him and yourself.

It won’t be easy but the freedom will be so worth it

You’ve clearly got access to your phone. Call the police, tell them you’ve been attacked in your home and get him out. Prioritise your son and do the right thing.

Speak to Womens Aid, tell your GP/health visitor and report him the the police.

This is abuse and you need to get away, with your child.

That's mental & physical abuse, please do report this to the police, at the very least you'll have an official record of past incidences if it continues or gets worse x

Thank you all for giving me some perspective. He didn't go to the pub. I managed to sneak downstairs and he is in the other room where his computer is.

He's been drinking for a few hours though. I've calmed down a bit. I think I was getting over anxious because my other child was in the next bedroom and my youngest was in the room with "partner". I just wanted to get my child out and leave. To be honest, when he first grabbed my arms and sharted shouting, I wasn't sure if he was going to hit me.

I can't believe it really. The cheating, gaslighting, emotional abuse, belittling, making me feel I am nothing...
But I never thought he'd physically touch me.
He has started to look at me with such hate though that it worries me. He once told me he wanted to punch me in the face but I never thought he'd actually want to hurt me.
I'm not upset it's in front of our child. I'd rather he waits until they are in nursery/school and then he can hit me, punch me, do what he likes. Not in front of my kids though.

I won't phone the police. I'd feel ridiculous and it would have serious implications for his job. I maybe need to remember to keep my mouth shut. I try so hard to avoid any confrontation that I try to not speak but then he tells me I'm a miserable bitch.

Let it have serious implications for him; he deserves it. He’s going to continue to be violent to you if you let him get away with it

That meant to say that I'm most upset that it's in front of our child.

If you won’t do something I hope your older child tells someone what’s going on at home and someone else acts to protect both vulnerable innocent children from violence in their home.

For goodness sake. Phone the police or you are looking at a lifetime of this behaviour. Think of your child. You have a duty to protect him.