Partner pushed me in front of our child

[Justifiedormyfault]

We have issues anyway but I'm say here shaking. Am I over exaggerating?
This was the conversation...

For context. I do absolutely everything in the house, he's only recently started helping more with our child and he frequently stays away.

This happened in our sons bedroom. I was putting him to bed.

Partner goes to get some cream for our 3 year olds rash
Me- "I can do that, you go to the pub" (he said he was going for a drink)
Him "No. I'll do it, you're incompetent. If it was upto you. Nothing would get done"
Me- "that's not very nice"
He puts cream ln our sons face, who screams because it stings
This is where I know I was antagonistic and it's probably my fault but I was upset at his suggestion because literally do everything.
Me "Well done. Lucky you're so competent"

He grabs hold of me, says you're a fucking bitch. Whilst grabbing hd of my arms, he pushes me out of the bedroom, telling me I'm a fucking twat. Slams the door on me and holds it shut so I can't get in.

Our 3 year old is shouting mummy, let mummy in and partner says
"No mummy is horrible and rude to daddy".

He finally lets me in. I ask if he can please leave so I can put our son to bed.
I tell him I cant believe he has physically grabbed me in front of our child and he says I'm ridiculous.

Am I exaggerating? I know I shouldn't have made any comment to him, I was just upset because I literally non stop run around after everyone and frequentloom after our child days on end whilst he's not here. So suggesting nothing would be done without him has upset me.

I'm shaking sat in our sons room. I can hear partner downstairs and I'm too anxious to go down. Partly because I can't handle anymore being belittled and told off and partly because Im worried he will leave me (I'm pathetic).

Well done, Op, for getting started on your list. Another gem I gleaned from the book I recommended — women who manage to leave and stay away are the ones with a plan. Obviously if it gets very dangerous, just pick up the kids and leave the house. But it’s a good idea to get your ducks in a row, have somewhere not only safe but even nice ! to go. Doesn’t have to be fancy, but you might think “I’m going to order that colour paint I’ve always liked!” and that will give you something to focus your energy on and something lovely you might not have been able to do with him around. I wonder if informing work at all might help? Just so that they know if you need time off to move, what’s happening.

@Teaandtoast35 I'm so sorry. I missed your message initially. Firstly I am so sorry to hear about your losses. I've only had the one miscarriage and can only imagine how hard it has been for you. It also makes me realise that I am so very lucky to be blessed with my amazing children and that I am truly failing them. Well done for being brave and leaving. I hope it all works out for you and you find happiness.

I think having someone treat you badly for so long, whilst convincing you that it's actually your fault, can eventually distort your reality. Someone older, respected and more intelligent telling you how pathetic, crazy and ridiculous you are. Belittling you daily. I've never felt cared for, loved or supported. I have zero self esteem. I also feel completely in love but hate him at the same time. I think I'm lost.

Don't wait to leave or to save. He will think he has gotten away with his abusive behaviour yet again. It escalates. What's next?
Ring the police. Go to a refuge or council to register for housing. This is an emergency

He does next to nothing with kids but belittles your competence with then ... The irony

If, when he unfairly (and ridiculously given his lack of effort & involvement in their care) belittles your competence, and you respond naturally .... By saying you're not incompent, or in this case, pointing out he is not showing the great competence he claims to have .... He assaults you. And deprived your child of your presence and comfort.

You've mentioned a laundry list of other deal breaker stuff as well.

You can't win here.

He is not reasonable.

He's not a good person.

He's not fair.

He's not decent.

Im sorry but you need to get out and stay out.

Name him some ot

Omg He sound's vile your husband op, cheats, aggressive, nasty, violent get rid of this specimen. Your poor children will suffer living like this as will you. Best of luck x

He seems to have the general attitude/approach that he's superior. You challenged (how dare you) his assertion that he's superior, in fact you pointed out how full of shit he is ..... He really really didn't like the inferior human doing that, so he pushed you around, excluded you from a room, divided you from your child who wanted to you

He's a nasty piece of work

He wants & needs to feel superior to you (realistically to any woman) and hes v happy to put you down in order to feel that way.

Even about things where you have been more responsible and are more competent (like childcare).

As I said you are never going to win with this guy.

He should have been gone from all the other things you mentioned.

Someone older, respected and more intelligent

Older is meaningless. Stupid, nasty young people be one stupid, nasty old people.

Respected .... Do the people who apparently respect him know about his behaviour to you for example?

More intelligent.... There are lots of ways of being intelligent. He's probably not more intelligent than you. Even if he is more (academically for example) intelkigent .... Intelligencd means nothing without integrity.

And he has little to no integrity.

*become

Look up Adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families. You will find it helpful op. Sorry you are going through this. He’s a c… xx

@LemonDrop22 yes, he definitely thinks he's superior. He tells me, my job is basically meaningless and I do nothing and earn no money. He earns more money, so should be respected. He'd rather I work less hours and get on with the housework without complaining.

This is a man who left me for 4 days with 2 kids to stay somewhere else when I had Covid. And I'm not exaggerating. I was really ill. When he left I hadn't eaten in a week (bar trying to manage tiny mouthfuls of soup). I'd also barely drank in a week, I was really dizzy and had a resting heart rate of 120-130bpm.
I actually asked my eldest father if I could have him the weekend (it was his weekend with his dad) because I was scared I'd pass out alone with a 3 year old. My partner knew how ill I was. Before he left I asked if he could have our son some of the weekend as it wasn't fair him being with me when I couldn't do anything and he replied "you'll have to drive him to me". I could barely walk straight!

He'd not mentioned anything about last night. Not acknowledged or apologise.
Previously (year or 2 ago) if he shouted/swore at me and I got upset. He'd leave the room and come back and occasionally apologise. This was a time I felt he at least cared a little. Occasionally he would almost look hurt that I was upset. Whereas now, he looks like he hates me.

I went out this evening. I ways put our son to bed, only exception is if I go out for a meal on Tues and occasionally, I don't make it back in time. My son always wants me to put him to bed, just routine I suppose as I've always done it.

When out, partner sent me a video of our son. In the video he asks "who do you want to put you to bed"
Son says "daddy"
Partner says "are you sure"
Son says 'yes, daddy put me to bed. Daddy's happy"
Isn't it a weird thing to say?

You know what you need to do!
Your kids are witnessing this

What do you want anyone to say to this after the other stuff you have just posted?
Stop putting your son at risk and leave.
No one here is going to tell you anything else.
No point analysing why he says this or that he's a domestic abuser so do right by your boy and go to womens aid,
Your GP anyone and get help

This is why you need to call the police and report this now. You will regret it later when you have no proof he was abusive and he starts claiming you were. You need to get this logged - now

100% agree.

You know well how abusive he is.

Help yourself and report his assault.

Oh my god it's the part time doctor with the 6 women again!!!

Everyone told you that things would escalate on your dozens of previous threads, you were given so much help and advice and ignored it, and now your children are being DIRECTLY affected by his abuse.

At least be honest and give the full picture. No one thinks you should stay with him. But you won't engage with any actual help, I don't know what you want from anyone here.

Can your eldest child go to his father's? Your children are not safe in this toxic environment.

Oh OP if this is the case then we've all directed you to so many resources so many times and provided thoughtful and frequent support.

Are you willing to put it into action?

If not then I agree, if your eldest has a nice and caring dad elsewhere then he would be safer with him at the moment as the abuse in your home is escalating.

Every day older your son gets, the more he will want to protect you and the more your 'partner' will be likely to square up to him.

Op I don't know anything about any of your previous threads, bit from this thread alone .... You have no option if you want to have a happy life of leaving him, stop trying to have a relationship with him, cut your losses and move on.

What are you going to achieve by listing his offences/terrible behaviour against you?

It's who he is. He's not going to change.

Get your child maintenance off him and get away from him.

Record everything he does in terms of parental alienation, physical abuse, verbal abuse etc and get help from women's aid. That's all you can do.

Is this how you want to live your life

He's not a decent partner and he never will be by the sounds of it.

Justifiedormyfault

Your username. ....

Not your fault.

Not justified.

Stop letting him head fuck you.

He's an abuser.

Stop questioning yourself.

You're not happy, his behaviour is shit, he's now causing domestic violence scenes in front of your young child.

Stop hanging on and questioning yourself.

Do you need counselling? Would that help?

At first he refused, then later agreed on the basis that he was scared of me because I was dangerous and may stab him.

He's a comedian.

What are you doing still with him, what's he doing in your home?

You should have made separate living arrangements and made child access arrangements.... Not in your home, in his home when it's his access time.

Why's he even in your home to be verbally abusing you and judging you around?

He's an abuser, a cheater, a man whore, and a nasty piece of work... Why do you even have him around?

You should have child access arrangements, with communication only by an email or app restricted entirely to the arrangements.

*pushing you around

You need to contact women's aid and talk to them about everything he's says and done, including untrue allegations that you could be violent etc.

Making out women are unstable etc is a very common abuser strategy, WA will have heard it all before.

Note it all and communicate with them to help have a strategy to deal with this abuser going forward.

All these suggestions/links/advice have been mentioned literally hundreds of times before.

The OP just lists the ways in which the doctor is a complete twat, then the minute posters work out who it is and ask her to at least make plans to safeguard her children she disappears.

Then crops up again a few weeks later with a name change and a new example of his terrible behaviour.

So many people have offered advice, particularly with Women's Aid, renting ideas etc. I believe he rents the property in his name and she is unwilling to compromise by renting a smaller, less comfortable property than the current four-bedroomed house they occupy and doesn't want to enlist the help of family or friends.

It's honestly the most frustrating thing I've ever read on here, made more so by the fact she is still swooning and begging for him to stay with her, sleep with her, even marry her.

The cheating (during pregnancy, no less) didn't make her leave, neither apparently will physical abuse IN FRONT OF HER CHILD.

I hope there is some way for someone in her life to safeguard the children, she can't or won't get them away from him, that's clear.

This was a time I felt he at least cared a little

Someone who's involved themselves romantically and sexually with 7 women around the same time, none of whom presumably knew about or agreed to a polygynous relationship (you certainly hadn't) ..... Doesn't care about anyone but themselves.

He needs psychological help. He's also a walking std factory, shagging that many people around the same time. Even using condoms he could still be spreading HPV, hsv, etc.

He is definitely one for the "non relationship bin".

At least he has a halfway decent salary to get CM off.

You're going to have to strategise, with help, to deal with the ongoing abuse and parental alienation he's trying though.