Partner pushed me in front of our child

[Justifiedormyfault]

We have issues anyway but I'm say here shaking. Am I over exaggerating?
This was the conversation...

For context. I do absolutely everything in the house, he's only recently started helping more with our child and he frequently stays away.

This happened in our sons bedroom. I was putting him to bed.

Partner goes to get some cream for our 3 year olds rash
Me- "I can do that, you go to the pub" (he said he was going for a drink)
Him "No. I'll do it, you're incompetent. If it was upto you. Nothing would get done"
Me- "that's not very nice"
He puts cream ln our sons face, who screams because it stings
This is where I know I was antagonistic and it's probably my fault but I was upset at his suggestion because literally do everything.
Me "Well done. Lucky you're so competent"

He grabs hold of me, says you're a fucking bitch. Whilst grabbing hd of my arms, he pushes me out of the bedroom, telling me I'm a fucking twat. Slams the door on me and holds it shut so I can't get in.

Our 3 year old is shouting mummy, let mummy in and partner says
"No mummy is horrible and rude to daddy".

He finally lets me in. I ask if he can please leave so I can put our son to bed.
I tell him I cant believe he has physically grabbed me in front of our child and he says I'm ridiculous.

Am I exaggerating? I know I shouldn't have made any comment to him, I was just upset because I literally non stop run around after everyone and frequentloom after our child days on end whilst he's not here. So suggesting nothing would be done without him has upset me.

I'm shaking sat in our sons room. I can hear partner downstairs and I'm too anxious to go down. Partly because I can't handle anymore being belittled and told off and partly because Im worried he will leave me (I'm pathetic).

I've called the police before on my ex and the whole thing was terrifying. Only police men turned up, they were all completely unsympathetic and pretty rough in their approach. They informed me that social services would be notified. The quiet street I live one was filled with police cars. My children were also scared seeing their father being taken away, screaming and shouting.
The fact that I called the police showed up on an enhanced DBS check when I went for a new role. Sadly, it's not always the best course of action.
If he's calmed down and is no longer a threat she needs to prepare her exit carefully and can report him later when they're all safely out of the house.
He would also probably be asked to leave the property and again that could cause a lot of upset for the children and might enrage him even more so.

You don't need to keep your mouth shut. He needs to keep his hands, and his scummy dick, to himself.

Call the police.

Things have changed. Also, to be quite frank, social services involvement might be beneficial. Do you really think that by not calling the Police and the OP quietly leaving, he will just take it on the chin?

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea I honestly don't think he'd hurt the kids. He adores our son, he wasn't particularly present the first year or 2 but he does adore him. You are right though, if my older child (12) had seen him pushing and grabbing me, he would have been scared. He was in the next room. I don't know how he didn't hear 😢 hopefully he had his headphones on.

I can feel how scared you are, but you must leave. Your kids will tell someone. I’m a teacher and if this evenings events were told to an adult at my school it would trigger a child protection investigation. It looks much better for you as a mother if you protect them and leave/have him removed.

OP, he may not be physically abusing them, but he IS hurting the kids. Untold damage is being inflicted here.

@OOvavuuu I'm so sorry for what you went through. The whole situation sounds awful. I hope things are better now.
I know I definitely need to leave. I don't believe the police are the best course of action. He's not left a mark on me, it's his work against mine. He has a job in a position of power, he'd tell them I was mentally unwell.

Glad you are going to your mums, you'll all be safe there. I grew up watching this sort of thing unfold. Pains me to read this. Please get away from this abusive man.

My parents were abusive so I didn't know the difference either. I've read a lot about narcissistic abuse and coercive control and that helped me realise that it wasn't me and I wasn't 'mental'

@Greenshake to be honest I think he has apathy towards me these days. I think he would probably leave. He's lazy and Xbox addicted.
He would however want to antagonise me and make me look crazy. For him it's a big thing that he is seen as a man with high moral standing. It's everything. He would want to ensure he can tell people I'm nuts.

He regularly recounts how crazy his ex wife was, tells everyone about the time sh e had their son in her arms and was shouting at him whilst he video recorded her and happily showed people the video.

@Justifiedormyfault I feel you. I spent a lot of time deeply upset that all of my exes family (still to this day) believe that I am an abuser and their dear boy would never do anything of the sort. I'm now over it and rise above it all. I know the truth and all of the good people in my life know, and they really are the only ones who matter.

Ultimately, it’s your decision what you do, but why do you think his word carries more weight than yours? Sounds like he has done a right number on your self esteem.

This was me.
Stop making excuses now and get to safety and call the police. Tell your family.

The moment I was assaulted with my son on my lap I got out and called the police. He was arrested, bailed and not allowed to the house again. He was convicted in court of assault and a restraining order place for 2 years.

My son being in the room was all the reason I needed. I jnew once he had done something in front of him there was nothing he wouldnt do. He was 2 years old. He is 7 now and its still having an impact on him mentally and emotionally and support for this. Don't think your kids aren't being damaged by being in this environment because they are! If anything do this for them right now. You arent protecting them or yourself otherwise.

Just make that call. Its much easier afterwards xx

I so didn't have a great upbringing.
My dad was pretty much an alcoholic and I'disten to him shout and argue with my mum. I's lie there, too scared to sleep. I remember several times, them shouting and me jumping up and down screaming in the middle of them. My dad never hit my mum but he did have a temper and smash the house up. I was so happy when they split up but my dad was then a depressive who kept saying he would kill himself.

"Partner" has gone to bed by the sounds of it. I'll go up soon and sleep with my youngest.

My poor, poor babies. When my partner shouts at me, the little one starts shouting back ,😢 but then my partner saya it's my fault and I've scared him.

What made you have a child with this man? He must have been completely different now to back then? You come on here exposing this incident and then want to protect him? So I do not know what you wish to gain?

Is he in the Police OP?

When I hear someone talk about their crazy ex my first thought is “what did he do to make her react that way?”

my ex regularly called me crazy. Mental. Hormonal. They try to discredit you, but anyone with a basic understanding of abuse will know who’s the crazy one.

I know it’s a huge step but please don’t kid yourself that you don’t need to leave asap or that he would never hurt your children. You were sure he’d never get physical with you. Until he did.

he is escalating his abuse. He’s following every single step in the abusive arsehole’s playbook. To the letter. He will get worse, he’s crossed a line and you’ve allowed him to stay and blamed yourself.

This is how domestic violence works - they don’t punch you in the face out of the blue. It starts by eroding your self esteem and making you doubt yourself. He’s then gaslighted, pushed you physically and verbally threatened to punch you. It’s textbook.

If one of your children says anything even vaguely relating to this incident you will end up on children's services’ radar. And they will want to see that you are doing everything to protect your children. You will have to leave him at some point if you want to keep your children with you. Sorry, but you will never be safe with him and neither will they. Sending you strength to get to a place where losing him feels like the good thing it is.

And this cycle continues - you have ended up with someone like your dad. Your kids will do the same. Is this what you want for them? Show them a better way.

@Justifiedormyfault Thank you. It sounds all very similar to your situation to be honest. I'm 6 years down the line now and in a much better place. He's calmed down a lot and can control his anger a lot better and we tolerate each other for the sake of the children. It's rough to begin with but the emotions settle and I even feel comfortable enough to leave the children with him and I get the occasional whole weekend to myself. It can be done - even with the most horrible of exes.

Cheating…gaslighting…emotional abuse…belittling…name calling…making you feel like you’re nothing…looking at you with hate…wanting to punch you in the face…causing you to walk on eggshells…2 sons.

If I’m correct, this is the highly abusive, narcissistic, sadistic, shouting doctor who works 10 hours a week. @Justifiedormyfault, you’ve written numerous threads for years detailing his horrific treatment. I’m not at all surprised that he has escalated to physical abuse.

It’s always been chilling to know that your son and your shared young boy are being subjected to his verbal brutalization of you, which is considered child abuse. In one thread you also spoke of how he dominates and talks over your older son, which frustrates him.

You’ve been given so much excellent advice re leaving him, and I’m sad that you’re still there. Perhaps this physically assault which traumatized your little son will be your dealbreaker.

physical assault

Yes, I recall how he calls you mentally ill whenever you question or challenge him, and he shifts the blame for all of his evil, twisted behavior onto you.

It’s time to use your agency to rescue yourself and the boys before they are so damaged that this poisonous dynamic is repeated in their future lives.

@billy1966 no not the police but he is 20 years older, with a well respected job.

@Flubber88 I didn't know it would be like this. In honesty, he was lazy and Xbox addicted from.the start but the pregnancy was unplanned and at the time we didn't live together. I didn't think a 50 year old man would be like this.

@SteveHarringtonsChestHair I agree. I never thought, 'oh poor DP with a crazy ex'. I lie his family have said she want particularly likeable but his friends hate this woman. My partner happily says how much all his friends hate her. Apparently she ways had mental health issues and depression, never worked, they had a nanny because she wouldn't do anything in the house. She cheated on him. He divorced her and I think it messed him up. She got the 600k house and told people he had hit her...maybe it was true!! Although there were witnesses to her stlaking him etc. I think they were both lazy, selfish people, which is why it initial worked. Presumably he destroyed her too. He always takes the moral high ground because he says she was nuts, she cheated etc and everyone feels bad for him. Even though he lost financially he told me the other day that he won in court (morally).

After I discovered his cheating we went to therapy. He happily announced all his exes are crazy and he would pay for me to have a psychiatric assessment.

After my c section, he would play Xbox until 3am and stay in bed until midday. I remember him coming downstairs and shouting because I'd forgotten to feed HIS dog. When I told him I was in so much pain, I'd not even moved to get my painkillers, he said I was crazy and hormonal and it was no excuse for not feeding the dog.

Financially and housing size, leaving would be a nightmare. My plan was to stay a few more months so I can build up some money and find a place to go.

*I like his family that meant to say

Please excuse the typos. I promise I can form a coherent sentence. I'm rushing and my phone is autocorrecting.

He's now in our room. I've managed to do my teeth and get into my son's bed without being seen.