WIJGW, I’ve wondered how things were going for you. Yes, he is cheating, but it’s a drop in the ocean.
This man is an abuser of the highest order. You’ve said your friend has even documented traumatic incidents that you had repressed. Your burdened tiny daughter has said, “Daddy stop making Mummy cry.”
Some of his destructive, abusive behavior:
*Sabotages your successes and opportunities.
*Berates and belittles you at home, in public, and in the car.
*Locked you out at night to frighten you.
*Woke you up to break up, then reversed later that day.
*Abandoned you in London and to return home when you had an important event and had booked a hotel, leaving you wandering around with no money and scared because a killer was on the loose.
*Ripped the baby gate off its hinges, smashed it and came at you with it.
*Bruised your stomach when he grabbed and pinched it.
*Blanked you in the car after your successful work event by putting in ear buds so you couldn’t tell him all about it.
*Calls you ‘chubby’ and makes sounds when you sit down.
*Threatens that it’s over if you don’t get back in your lane. You do the pick me dance, but nothing is ever good enough.
You know he’s having an illicit relationship with this OW. He was already having mentionitis about her ‘awesomeness.’ On that first night, when you heard his phone pinging and asked to see their messages, he initially said okay, but then snatched the phone from your hands. You saw deletions, exchanged kisses, and inappropriate remarks. It took hours for him to stop downplaying, admit that they’ve been inappropriately flirting, and acknowledge his ‘lapse in judgment.’ But he later rescinded that admission and told you to get over it.
Some days later they were back to morning/evening messaging, flirting and in-jokes. His phone is now glued too him.
WIJGW, trying to rumble these two slippery low-lifes to find a smoking gun is futile and is further destroying your emotional health. You already know they are making a mockery of you. Your H is an emotional/physical/financial abuser who enjoys controlling, disrespecting and tormenting you. He gets a kick out of it. And he doesn’t care that he is traumatizing your daughters, which will have far-reaching ramifications for them.
Look at the whole picture. In 7 years you’ve become trauma bonded to this monster, and you must rescue your girls and yourself by leaving. Caring posters have provided sources of help, and you’ve heard from Womens Aid that they will provide guidance and help with many things.
Access IC if possible for much needed support. Focus on an exit plan and get out of there. 