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Original poster

Dating a gorgeous man

257 replies

Dateshate · 12/11/2022 10:13

I’m going on a date with a very, very good looking man. Met him on Bumble. I am not a shallow person and understand that looks are certainly not everything - looks are fleeting. I’m interested in the connection. He seems very keen and has said how he thinks I’m so good looking and lovely, that he will be shy around me - and sorry if he is! He seems genuine and nice. He’s talked about how connection is more important than looks and yes people do comment on how he looks but he doesn’t take it seriously and it doesn’t matter.

Thing is - he is really that good looking! And I’m nervous. I’ve put on weight lately and I don’t feel very good. I’m already convinced he won’t fancy me. And I’ve had a horrible time on online dating lately.

Any words of wisdom?

OP posts:
Original poster
Dateshate · 12/11/2022 14:21

BagOfBollocks I’m worried about my body, see previous post
and he could be dating younger, slimmer, more attractive etc

OP posts:
BagOfBollocks · 12/11/2022 14:22

Dateshate · 12/11/2022 14:20

BagOfBollocks all my photos are decent
because most men date younger

Ok I’m genuinely confused then? You say you’re worried you’ve put on weight but he knows what you look like and still wants to meet.

Original poster
Dateshate · 12/11/2022 14:22

OwlBarn I’m happy for you to disagree
but I’m feeling very miserable about the situation whole thing now and I don’t expect him to fancy me that much or for this to go anywhere

OP posts:
Original poster
Dateshate · 12/11/2022 14:23

BagOfBollocks I think I look worse and bigger in real life than the pics show
pics aren’t always true to form

OP posts:
BagOfBollocks · 12/11/2022 14:25

Don’t date if it makes you this miserable, dating is supposed to be fun.

Either turn up, chill out and try to enjoy it or give it a miss.

Lysianthus · 12/11/2022 14:26

DarkKarmaIlama · 12/11/2022 14:21

It’s a non runner. You don’t feel good enough so will probably unconsciously self sabotage the whole thing anyway.

OP this is the way you are going. So turn your thinking around before you meet him. Tell yourself, to the mirror, that you are fab and when you meet him, treat him like you would an interviewee. Is he good enough for you? Not the other way round. Otherwise you'll be doing the 'pick me' routine which is as we know a Bad Thing.
Have fun, and of course, report back!

Taxistaxing · 12/11/2022 14:27

I was with someone who at the start was as attractive as me (I later put on weight), but his height made him a fanny magnet. I got so sick of going anywhere and women literally throwing themselves at him. I overheard people discussing him when I was in the ladies. He loved the attention, but pretended he didn't and when I pointed out that he engaged with them rather than than just smiling and saying 'ive got to go..' he said 'i don't want to be rude'. Be warned if the same happens, it did not end happily.

LadyKenya · 12/11/2022 14:27

I fail to see why the OP is even bothering to go to the effort of getting ready to meet him at all, if this is how she feels. It is important to have the right attitude to it all.

Original poster
Dateshate · 12/11/2022 14:28

Lysianthus I’m too old and hardened to do the pick me dance 😂 the younger hot women can have him lol

OP posts:
drumsandstars · 12/11/2022 14:32

Dateshate · 12/11/2022 14:23

BagOfBollocks I think I look worse and bigger in real life than the pics show
pics aren’t always true to form

that's just not true. Either you send photos that look like real you or you edit them or choose that "right" angle to hide the size of your bum, extra chin and so on.

i don't say that to be harsh.

i was quite overweight when i first started dating. i only sent dh real life photos of me so he knew what i looked like. this included photos without makeup.

you are setting yourself up for pain if you try to think you'll win this guy over with your personality. men are attracted to looks. it's just a fact. also if you are deceiving him, how will he be able to trust you with other points?

Blossomandbee · 12/11/2022 14:33

Dateshate · 12/11/2022 14:15

I can say he’s my type based on photos alone 🤷‍♀️ Blossomandbee

Sorry I was referring to the message he sent to you saying you were exactly his type.
He seems quite full on considering he hasn't met you yet.

Original poster
Dateshate · 12/11/2022 14:34

drumsandstars not harsh. i know how shallow men are. This is why I posted - have you read all my posts? 😂
ive met so many people who don’t look like their pics - and it’s not down to editing etc
just a different angle etc
it’s not down to manipulation always
I find people look so different in real life to how they present on zoom, teams etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Dateshate · 12/11/2022 14:34

Blossomandbee we’ve both said we need to meet to see if we click, chemistry etc

OP posts:
drumsandstars · 12/11/2022 14:36

Dateshate · 12/11/2022 14:34

drumsandstars not harsh. i know how shallow men are. This is why I posted - have you read all my posts? 😂
ive met so many people who don’t look like their pics - and it’s not down to editing etc
just a different angle etc
it’s not down to manipulation always
I find people look so different in real life to how they present on zoom, teams etc

you dont give the impression you've shown what you really look like. that's my point.

did you have a video call at all? that may help

Original poster
Dateshate · 12/11/2022 14:37

drumsandstars the issue is in my head and my confidence tbh
and how shallow men are
rather than me not showing realistic pics
im obviously not going to show close up pics of my cellulite or bloated belly!

OP posts:
NorthAngel · 12/11/2022 14:38

Dateshate · 12/11/2022 14:16

We are in London NorthAngel I don’t doubt he will have plenty of options as he’s good looking and will no doubt he dating younger women too
we are the same age
he says he’s looking for a connection

I’m up north so probably haven’t come across him.

Hope he is nice and is actually looking for connection.

Aubree17 · 12/11/2022 14:38

Good luck OP! Go and enjoy it.
Then come back and tell us all about it!

Justwalkthissideplease · 12/11/2022 14:39

Just go on your date and have fun. You might not fancy him. There might be something about his mannerisms/smell/way he carries himself that you don't like. If he doesnt make you feel at ease, laugh, and comfortable, give him a pass. You choose. Remember that. And good luck ❤

DatingDinosaur · 12/11/2022 14:39

What one person finds good looking, another person won’t so that, in itself is a non-issue.

What’s more concerning is that he’s telling you how good looking people tell him he is. That’s something you just don’t do unless you’re fishing for compliments or a conceited bastard.

Not sure if it’s just me but I find it a bit icky when a guy I’ve not met starts saying how good looking I am. Nice to hear and all that but surely compliments about looks should be in person and of the “hey, you look lovely” variety after you’ve met a few times already. Otherwise, it comes across as insincere somehow. Like I say, maybe it’s just me.

Just go on the date. If nothing else, you’ll be seen out with some decent looking arm candy Wink

I get Player vibes off him, tbh. And maybe you do to? Hence your feeling miserable about the situation?

Remember though, YOU’RE vetting HIM for suitability so stop with the “he might not like me and my belly” nonsense. You’re right, that IS your self confidence talking but what you should be saying is “if he doesn’t like me and my belly then he can fuck right off”.

Original poster
Dateshate · 12/11/2022 14:39

Thank you, will let you know Aubree17 Justwalkthissideplease

OP posts:
CookPassBabtridge · 12/11/2022 14:39

But you could be dating younger men? But you're not? He wouldn't meet you if he didn't fancy you!

CookPassBabtridge · 12/11/2022 14:40

Yes pictures don't show every little stretchmark of course but he'll be able to see you're not a gym bunny.

Tessabelle74 · 12/11/2022 14:40

My ex was one of the hottest boys at college, very popular with the girls, although I didn't think so at the time. I met him 10 years after college at work and we hit it off and got together. He'd had a string of beautiful girlfriends but I was the one he wanted to marry, unfortunately I just didn't feel as strongly about him as he did for me so broke up, but I'm most definitely not beautiful, very, very average in fact. Enjoy your date, don't focus on the looks too much, just be yourself, confidence is all about faking it til you make it and the more relaxed you are, the more beautiful you get

Original poster
Dateshate · 12/11/2022 14:41

DatingDinosaur no he never said this What’s more concerning is that he’s telling you how good looking people tell him he is.
he gave me a compliment and said he may be shy around me because of how good looking he finds me
and I said people must comment on your looks, and he said he doesn’t take it seriously and it doesn’t matter, he wants his personality to be attractive

OP posts:
Original poster
Dateshate · 12/11/2022 14:42

Tessabelle74 thanks 😊 ok I’ll try to be relaxed and smiley because right now I feel fat, frumpy and blurgh 😂

OP posts:
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