Dating a gorgeous man

[Dateshate]

I’m going on a date with a very, very good looking man. Met him on Bumble. I am not a shallow person and understand that looks are certainly not everything - looks are fleeting. I’m interested in the connection. He seems very keen and has said how he thinks I’m so good looking and lovely, that he will be shy around me - and sorry if he is! He seems genuine and nice. He’s talked about how connection is more important than looks and yes people do comment on how he looks but he doesn’t take it seriously and it doesn’t matter.

Thing is - he is really that good looking! And I’m nervous. I’ve put on weight lately and I don’t feel very good. I’m already convinced he won’t fancy me. And I’ve had a horrible time on online dating lately.

Any words of wisdom?

Unbridezilla aw lovely story x

Farmageddon yes zero expectations to the point where I know he won’t fancy me! I’ve told him he’s my type too - and he is, in terms of looks. He has the geek chic look going on. I’m not love bombing him.

schmalex thanks 😊

Its just one date. If you go along and find you still don't feel good about yourself when you are with him then just don't see him again.

My confidence is absolutely fine and I happily punch above my weight look-wise whenever possible. But I think if I dated someone who was...model hot, I'd probably still feel insecure about myself. And that wouldn't work in a relationship. Because the point of having a partner is to add joy to your life. Not make you feel unhappy.

But as other posters have said, he might not be as good looking in person anyway.

Go get your hair/nails/tan done. Eat healthily for a few days and get fresh air and exercise. Then you'll feel more confident for the date.

He sounds nice anyway.
Well, provided it isn't love bombing bs.

I don’t agree.
I know so many couples where the woman is just ordinary looking like many of us but has a very attractive dp.
I think some men are shy and some women have a charisma that is attractive.
In one of these relationships the dw knows she’s punched above her weight as you put it, she clings onto her dp like a limpet. The thing is he’s so fecking boring that his looks are all he has.

@Smearywindowsagain what dating app would you recommend?

Report on our desks by 9am please, OP!

Seriously, head up, smile, breathe. Remember he's as nervous as you and isn't he lucky to have a date with you! Enjoy yourself, relax and have a great time. Don't forget to tell a friend where you're meeting and check in with them so they know all is well - or so they can call you with an 'emergency' so you can leg it!

I wonder which part of the country he is in! I might know him as I’ve been on Bumble a few months and, like you, had a crap time.

Just go with it and see what he is like but don’t, don’t sleep with him too soon and don’t invest any emotional interest just yet. Like someone else said, the good looking ones have a number of women to choose from and play their cards to suit them (in other words, they take advantage). Hoping this one is different for you!!

I agree about being careful of lovebombing. He can't really say you're exactly his type when he's never met you.
Just go with an open mind and have fun. Don't go feeling he's too good for you, he's not! Enjoy the compliments but be mindful he might be saying the same thing to several other women.
I say all that kindly, I really hope he's genuine and you have a lovely time.

I would just be on as many as possible that don’t need you to make the first move but only ones where they can message first. Choose from the pool of men that come to you. Don’t waste time chit chatting. Give every guy that messages four exchanges to ask for your number or a date. Set up lots of quick first dates and keep it busy and moving. It’s just a numbers game really. I met my husband on match but I was on tinder, pof, and a couple of others

I went out with a really good looking man for a while and, whereas I don't think I'm unattractive, I'm certainly not as physically attractive as he is. He was insecure about his looks and had been teased as a teenager - he is really tall and been lanky but by his late 20s had really grown into his looks, but he didn't see it.

but he’s so good looking, and I had a bad dating experience lately
so I’m not feeling partly optimistic

@Dateshate Can I just give you a warning/piece of advice based on the tone of your posting - because I've been there myself.

You are in a bad mindset to do OLD. Because you are approaching it from a negative mindset of scarcity not abundance.

What this means is that when you are in a low place (I'm using you here in the sense of 'people in general' not you personallly), and you come across someone on OLD who looks good to you for whatever reasons on paper, one has a tendency to become over-invested in a way that with hindsight is insane.

It's like you are thinking through this:
I'm never going to meet anyone ever. Never. Never.... WOW! LOOK AT THIS MAN. HE IS PERFECT. HE IS MY SOULMATE. PERFECT. PERFECT.... I MUST HAVE HIM BECAUSE HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO LOOKS EVEN VAGUELY SUITABLE. IT MUST BE MEANT TO BE.

The rarer it is that you find someone that interests you the more likely you are to have this insane reaction. Because your mind fills in the gaps and makes this paper candidate feel perfect to you - when you haven't even met them.

I mean lets be real there are hundreds and hundreds of reasons why someone on paper might look perfect but in fact be repellant to you in person- ranging from offensive beliefs, bad body odour, poor hygene, to an accent you literally can't stand to listen to.

I've suffered from this feeling so I know whereof I speak and I recognise this in your posts.

Ultimately I gave up OLD because I decided it wasn't for me for this reason - I was in a bad place to do it. You need to go into it very relaxed, open minded and just "meh! next"" for it work.

Getting over invested in a paper candidate is a sure sign that you probably shouldn't be doing OLD as you aren't in a good place mentally to make calm and rational assessments of people.

OwlBarn I’m not over invested
I have zero expectations and don’t think he will fancy me and probably won’t see him again!

I can say he’s my type based on photos alone 🤷‍♀️ Blossomandbee

Ha thanks for the tips 😊 OldTinHat

& also don't forget (not saying this is you at all) but if there is a huge disparity between you and your life at all levels and the man - ie. much better looking, much younger, much more 'exciting' lifestyle, much 'wealthier' - this is often the basis for an internet dating scam.

These people target people who they sense are lonely and with low confidence.

Watch any of the For Love Or Money Episodes and it is very striking the disparity between the victim and the scammer - particularly lookswise. A rational non-lonely person would actually stop and think why is this 30 year old good looking man with a supposed private jet and high rolling lifestyle be interested in me. Answer is: he wouldn't if it were true.

All I'm saying is be careful with OLD

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000b1pv

We are in London NorthAngel I don’t doubt he will have plenty of options as he’s good looking and will no doubt he dating younger women too
we are the same age
he says he’s looking for a connection

OwlBarn there isn’t a big difference to be honest
my face is more attractive than his I would say but my body isn’t as lean as it used to be
I’m not overweight but I’m out of shape and not toned
overall he’s a very nice looking guy - def stand out among the thousands of minging profiles I have to go through
and he’s a couple years older but he could easily be dating much younger

Why will he be dating younger women?
I know loads of women with better looking partners!
But I'm sure you're gorgeous!

Are you using old, out of date photos of yourself?

If not then he knows exactly what you look like, so what are you worried about? 🤷‍♀️

And I’m more successful career wise and probably have more money than he does

BagOfBollocks all my photos are decent
because most men date younger

Recent*

OwlBarn I’m not over invested
I have zero expectations and don’t think he will fancy me and probably won’t see him again!

I'm sorry but I disagree. It's is very clear you are over-excited about this man who you have not even met. Look at HOW you are writing about someone you don't know.:

-a very, very good looking man.
-I’m interested in the connection. He seems very keen and has said how he thinks I’m so good looking and lovely, that he will be shy around me - and sorry if he is! He seems genuine and nice. He’s talked about how connection is more important than looks and yes people do comment on how he looks but he doesn’t take it seriously and it doesn’t matter.
-Thing is - he is really that good looking! And I’m nervous. I’ve put on weight lately and I don’t feel very good. I’m already convinced he won’t fancy me
-I’ve seen many photos of him on Instagram and Facebook
-He’s messaged to say how excited he is to meet me, and how i seem to be exactly his type, and he is looking forward to getting to know me.
-He seems the nicest and most normal out of the many guys I’ve spoken to from online dating - there was always been a bad feeling which turned out to be right. But with him he seems just normal and sincere.
-I’ve told him he’s my type too - and he is, in terms of looks
-but he’s so good looking, and I had a bad dating experience lately

It’s a non runner. You don’t feel good enough so will probably unconsciously self sabotage the whole thing anyway.