Thanks for all of your replies. I agree that I need a break from her, as all this is making me ill. I have felt quite sick and she was obviously upset too, but seems to have got over it more quickly. Thank you for all of the support - it really helps.
Yes, part of me does just want to parcel it up and send it and have done with it. The presence of the items is, indeed, painful and they are taking up a lot of space. The easiest thing would be just to send it to LB's DP's UK address, as they requested. In fact, I think I might have suggested myself in the 'phone call, the one where I got upset and said why did I bother as everything was always thrown back in my face. It was such a silly thing to have got upset about - the crosses, I mean. But thanks to those saying that it was inevitable and not to beat myself up.
I don't know about including a note. There is a part of me which inevitably wants to say sorry and try to rebuild the relationship, but I know that it is pointless. Someone mentioned what we did for her in the past. Obviously I don't begrudge anything, it's what parents do, but all of this negates the past, trashes it somehow. And yet, when we have spoken recently, she has waxed lyrical about her childhood, and told me how she always cooks Sunday roasts, just as we used to do when the DC were young. She has always been a bit of a 'Jekyll and Hyde' character, can be very sweet, but then turn nasty, hence why her DGP commented on the 'sting' in her tail.
I actually think, in a way, she will miss the relationship more than I will, as she has no other contact in her life apart from LB, the DGC, the neighbours and sometimes LB's DPs, with whom they also 'have issues'. DD1 liked showing off her DC to me, as DC usually like to share their DC with their DP, and telling me about her life. She had also started confiding in me again, although not to say that she was unhappy with her life or with LB, but more to tell me her 'news' and to complain about LB's DP, the only people outside the home they interact with, apart from the neighbours. However, it made me realise how many traps there were, further down the line, buying too many presents, the wrong types of present, giving the DGC too much attention, ignoring LB and DD, expecting meals and cups of tea etc. But she is more sociable than LB who would happily never see anyone, according to DD.
I had wondered whether or not to have a word with LB's DM when I felt sorry for DD, to ask her to watch out for her, especially now I know she has no bank account, but it wouldn't be fair to involve them, would it? I wouldn't have thought of this, save that I now know that they have concerns for the DGC. They had already sent me a card and texted their new address, saying that they hadn't been able to visit Ireland until January, as LB and DD1 were so busy, so I replied briefly wishing them a happy Christmas, good luck in their new house etc and saying my visit had been cancelled at the last minute and I was blocked again. She replied saying she didn't know what to say, but was so sorry.
I think it does annoy LB and DD when I go on holiday, as they probably think that I should be at home, obsessing about the DGC and doing my knitting, rather than wasting money on expensive holidays. They probably think I should give the money to them instead and it's really bad of me to spend money on luxuries when they are living in such frugality. This will now be bolstered by their new found faith and provides evidence that I am some sort of inhabitant of Sodom and Gomorrah!
Actually, I had thought of sending my confirmation cross to her with a card saying that it was for her protection and if she needed help anytime I would love her and be there for her but, in view of the latest message, it sounds a bit pathetic, doesn't it? She has made it crystal clear that I am only required to be useful and am dispensable.
It's all the uncertainty really. Do I send gifts for the DGC? I was thinking just a nice card for DGS's birthday, maybe send the DGC a postcard of a kangaroo from Australia (DD had obviously read my Christmas card, as she asked me to send the items before I went on my travels). Maybe just cards on birthdays etc.
I don't know about another therapist. I think once the stuff has been posted, there won't be any contact for a long time, so there won't be anything to talk about. I just need to get on with my life, as best I can.
I won't miss the trips to Ireland, a long way on my own, the cold and mouldy house, lonely nights in the hotel, feeling tense around LB etc. Not to mention the expense, as I was never allowed to book flights too far in advance, so paid top prices, and spent hundreds of pounds on taxis, not to mention the hotel costs. And then there were the increasing demands for stuff from the UK. Also, even as the relationship was growing again with DD1, I felt that she was regressing, that the tentacles of dependency were starting to enmesh me. I was actually very relieved not to go to Ireland before Christmas, although I would have preferred the flights to have been cancelled than I was cancelled.
Somebody said up thread that I was becoming angry, which was a good sign, and that's true. I do feel that I deserve better than this. All of this ghosting and blocking. It's what teenagers do, not 30 year olds. I feel like saying so, but this just increases the dialogue, which is likely to upset me. Which is why I called her really, not to expect a reply, but simply to be the 'grown up'.
I am sorry this is becoming a stream of consciousness. I think I just need to post the stuff and let go. I'll shut up now.