REignbow - thank you for your nocturnal message. It was much appreciated in the small hours. I was cogitating, suffering from insomnia, and my head was all over the place.
I am now clear, thanks to everyone's fabulous advice, that I will just post the stuff to LB's parents, as soon as possible, with no note. She has asked for space from me, so she must have it and, frankly, I need it too. If I send any gifts or messages, it will create anxiety for me, and could be regarded as 'stalker'ish'. It is simpler and cheaper for me to post to the UK and then it's not my problem any more. I think it's a cheek not to offer to pay the cost and to try to 'guilt trip' me, but that's just how they are.
I have to say that I don't understand all this blocking of numbers. What if there were an emergency and I needed to contact her? Has she gone from loving me to not even wanting to know whether I'm alive or dead, in the space of a few days? At least I have her address, I suppose, or could contact LB's DPs, but if DH had been diagnosed two years earlier, he might have died before she found out. Anyway, it is what it is.
Netaporter - We updated our English wills after DH's diagnosis and told the solicitor who drafted them that we had property in France. It was only when I read an article in a Sunday paper that I realised that there might be a problem, so we took advice from a French property specialist here in the UK. She drafted amendments to the wills, so that they should pass under English law, as this is where we live/are nationals etc. My understanding is that it would only be a minor, dependant, ex spouse, or potentially an adult child who is suffering from financial hardship, who could bring a claim in France. However, most purchasers don't want to run the risk of buying without an assurance that there won't be any claims from disappointed beneficiaries.
So, just to be clear, DD1 does not have an entitlement to any share but, knowing LB, he will be pouring the poison into DD1's ear, saying that I am trying to cheat her out of money which is rightfully hers. And she would believe him and all trust between us would be destroyed, forever. LB is clever, he will not be fobbed off by a lawyer's letter and his eye, as ever, will be on the main chance for more free money. I remember when DH's aunt was hardly cold in her grave before they were harassing my lovely BIL, as executor, for the inheritance. I was so embarrassed, but he dealt with it as quickly as he could, wished them much happiness in their new home etc.
In fact, I have recently reviewed my emails with the lawyers and said to them, in terms, that I don't trust my SIL etc, as I feared that there could be trouble further along the road, especially when it became clear that DH's illness was terminal. It was just another thing to worry about during what was an absolutely dreadful time. I think that is one of the reasons I have been putting off dealing with it for so long. I don't ski any longer and visiting the chalet would just be too painful. I would rather just sell up and use the money over here, and I don't want DD2 and DD3 to have the problems of selling it
I don't actually mind giving DD1 her 'share' but, if I do, I would want to do it in a generous way, and to honour DH. But LB will suck the joy out of it, like he does with everything. Part of his 'ownership' and control of DD includes not wanting her to have gifts from anyone else - or, I should say anyone, since he never gives her anything. He just wants money, which goes straight into his bank account. However, I would want any early inheritance ring fenced for DD1 and the DGC, and I know that this would cause trouble between them and between them and me, and contaminate the whole thing. He would insist that she is only getting what she is entitled to. It will become another pAnd it's horrible to have to deal with all this when I am still grieving. It's over two years now, but it's still so raw.
Billybagpuss - yes, we owned half each, but whereas the English properties were owned as joint tenants, where the survivor inherits automatically on death, the purchase of the French property was purchased as tenants in common, which is how the notaire drew it up, as it's far more common in France. We didn't think about it at the time. It was 20 years ago now.
I do have a notaire who was instructed a long time ago. He is English and dual qualified and generally excellent, but his wife has terminal cancer, so he is struggling at present and not really dealing with it. However, he did speak to me a couple of weeks ago and wants to go down the route of asking the DDs to sign off on the letters. He said he would normally email me for me to forward on and then speak to them individually. In fact, he even suggested doing it the other way round and speaking to them first - I can just imagine LB's reaction! He also mentioned that a French marriage contract would have avoided all of these problems, so I am wondering why this was not suggested by the lawyers at the time.
tribpot - I know you are right and I need to get my act together. I also plan to get POAs in place and my pensions written in trust, together with my life policy, so they fall outside the estate. I just want it all done and dusted, so I can try to get on with my life. There has been so much stuff to deal with.
Thanks for listening! I need to try to get back 'on form', as I have a few social events coming up over the next few days, including DH's sister and her family coming to visit, and we will be joined by DD2 and her boyfriend. My DN is also bringing her boyfriend, so hopefully it will be a lovely family get together. Actually, there is no 'hopefully' about it. My SIL, like my BIL, is lovely and like a sister to me. It will be great. 😀