I'm trying to convince him to love me

[PregnantandPissedoff]

Together 12 years, 2 kids, 1 on the way.
Two weeks ago out of the blue, DH said he's not happy in the relationship and wants out. I thought he might be having a breakdown, so he saw the GP, and started counselling immediately. We also arranged couples counselling.
His behaviour towards me these two weeks has been erratic, crying, angry, blank. Says when he looks at me he sees nothing and can't ever remember loving me. Thinks he got together because it was convenient and he never left.
His behaviour towards the kids is irritable and short tempered. He doesn't enjoy time with them. Seems to be just struggling to get through the day.
Couples counselling highlights some issues - I'm the driver and he's the passenger in the relationship. He feels like he has no autonomy. He needs to go through a growth phase and find himself. Fine.
He's left. He doesn't know if it's forever, he doesn't know if it's temporary. His gut his telling him not to bother to try with the marriage and he feels smothered within it. If I reach out he gets angry I'm not giving him space.
I didn't want to give him space, I wanted to work it out.
I feel like I'm in limbo and it's agony.
If he doesn't come back, I've lost the man I love.
If he does come back, will it ever be the same?

Help.

Definitely definitely someone else.

Sorry didn't read the update. What an idiot. LTB and don't crack when he inevitably regrets his choices.

@ABrotherWhoLooksLikeHellMugYou so you'd been a sahm for years. What did you end up doing? Tell me more!

Apologies op, I didn't read the update.

Unfortunately for your stbxh, you sound like you're now resolved and firm that he cannot come back. Good for you. I bet he wasn't expecting that.

Jesus. These cunts of men are so fucking predictable and so depressingly inadequate.

Urrghhh OP I'm so sorry it was an affair, what a horrible horrible thing to do especially when your wife is pregnant.

I dunno if you had a chance to look at the Chumplady website before but this caught my eye: www.chumplady.com/2013/07/real-remorse-or-genuine-imitation-naugahyde-remorse/

Read your thread and so hoped it wasn't affair but least you know what a trash bag he is now. I'm so sorry you are going through this at such a vulnerable time. As you said, you know what to do! Wishing you strength. Was going to say him and OW deserve each other but saw update. It's funnier that she doesn't want him either!

Same happened to me. Start of the year, I had no idea, thought he had a breakdown, he went on antidepressants whilst apart. He came back 3 months later, chased by me I'm ashamed to say and he was a completely different person. Very cocky, arrogant, constantly on his phone and obsessed with being 21. Anyway last week it transpired he had been texting his ex from 20 years ago who he (tried) cheating on me with at the start of our relationship. He apologised, lied of course, went his parents, still at his parents and now the smear campaign is back in full swing about me. These men are so predictable! We can do better!

Don’t sit in limbo , end the relationship and give yourself time to grieve. Please have enough self respect to not be a verbal punch bag, and not to be a fallback for someone who doesn’t want you. He is acting like a child. End it now and take control.

Hope you and baby are ok @PregnantandPissedoff

Thank you for all the well wishes.
I've been fine, we have been getting on great and he seems genuinely remorseful. Couples and individual counselling has been beneficial.
This week has been difficult though and I'm unsure what the future holds, I'm struggling to see a future that isn't tarred with what's happened but I'll keep working on it

Not every man is having an affair !
and not every man has a lake of women who want to fuck them

I know so many have experienced this but we do also know men suffer from mental health issues and don’t talk about it and commit suicide more

I’m not sure if this helps OP who is in a very tricky position

but op depression never treats itself

he’s either going to have to take himself on and do what every fucker does
-gp and medication
taking therapy
exercise
and try to address it

as either way this won’t resolve unless he addresses head on , and you are the strong one here

im sorry you are having to handle this all alone x and make sure you get some help too xxx

Ooops didn’t read updates

stand corrected

shit 😩

Howling 😂
Turns out they all follow the same script

PregnantandPissedoff

im so sorry
and she’s got mental health issues and didn’t even want him
Jesus wept

I really hope you are ok
its harder to be resilient when your growing a small human in your tummy xxxx

He's pretty embarrassed. We are chalking it up to Limerance and trying to get through it.
Time will tell, he's a great dad and person, and atleast if we end now it will be on much better terms!