Nobody came to my party

[ScrabbleChamp64]

I honestly can’t believe I am typing this but I am so heartbroken I feel like I need to vent it somewhere.

My fiancé arranged me a surprise party for my big birthday this year. He went to a lot of effort with food and drink and decorating the house and told me that he had arranged for all my friends to some and celebrate with me.

We would be starting mid afternoon so that those who had long drives would be able to leave earlier and still be here a decent amount of time. He put up a gazebo with a heater because he was worried about room in our living room and had a couple of friends and his parents come and set it all up while he took me out so that it was a surprise.

Only one friend who doesn’t live down the road came. I really appreciate her. Nobody else bothered and I am utterly heartbroken.

How do I even begin to feel better about this? My fiancé wanted me to feel like a princess on my birthday but I can’t stop crying and I feel terrible because he went to so much effort.

Very misleading title.

Did your fiancé offer them somewhere to stay? It’s too far to go just for an evening, and it sounds like he made it sound pretty low key, especially if you are having a wedding / hen do later. They will be saving for those.

I'll attend only my best friend's birthday party.

That is completely reasonable, so long as you give notice well in advance that you are not coming to things you are invited to. (Invited means you have been asked to come in more than a general broadcast on Facebook, with a date, location and approximate time.) You can be honest "sorry can't afford it" or tell a white lie "sorry, I have another commitment in my diary already", as you prefer.

But more generally, then unless they have a lot of best friends it won't be a party will it? And ditto all the other parties where people think the same. It'll be two people sat together, perhaps with a few family and neighbours as well if you're lucky.

All these excuses that other people are making for the absent friends are very telling because this is the behaviour you exhibit yourselves isn't it? Disgustingly rude, a lot of it.

Ah! so you have some reason to feel a bit better about it all. You are probably loved and valued by your friends. Your fiancé did arrange a lovely party for you. Local friends came and a friend form further afield. Some fold friends from further afield didn't come - but that looks like it's not a reflection on you or your friendships. You are loved, you had a party, you have friends! Have a lovely day and Happy Birthday :)

so....your Fiancé didn't update the date and time to your friend??????

Oh ok, 'I am so heartbroken', 'I am utterly heartbroken', and 'I can't stop crying' from your OP makes it sound like you were devastated throughout. It has now changed to 'a bit sad', totally different.

I think if your fiance's intention was to make you feel like a 'princess' then the outcome was achieved: only a 'princess' would react like this.

You need to stop crying and feeling sorry for yourself, tell your fiance the party was great and it was a brilliant idea and you loved it. Go and get lunch and say thank you to them.

So you did have friends there. It's not like not one single person turned up. It might have something to do with it being bonfire night. Some were actually planned for Friday where I live but had to be cancelled because of the wet weather. Some were held last night instead.

Well I'd look at it this way,I wouldn't be wasting hen do or wedding invitation to the ones that didn't come.

^this

Not counting any who actually did RSVP in the negative, or at the very least apologised properly with something reasonable and not on party day itself unless it was a sick child or breakdown or similar.

I'm sorry but it does sound like it's largely your fiance's fault rather than your friends. If you're organising a party, you need to make it easy for people to attend especially if they're coming a distance. It doesn't take a lot of time to throw together a proper invite - 'Hi everyone, here's the details for ScrabbleChamp's surprise party next weekend...Timings, address, other details etc. Could you let me know if you can still make it so I can confirm final numbers for food and drink. Looking forward to seeing you then'.

happy birthday OP, btw

This is very sad, but some people, myself included, just don't do large scale indoor mixing any more.

If that's how all the invites went I don't think it's your frienda that you should be disappointed in

This.

I suspect that the poor turnout is more down to poor communication from fiancé than poor friends.

That’s not an invitation. That’s letting someone know you are thinking of making plans.

if you don’t go back and tell people a day and time and any plans, you haven’t invited them.

On plus side it’s not that your friends are bothered. It’s that your fiancé didn’t organise it properly.

Maybe plan for your fiancé to do a short course on event planning ;) There are going to be many more parties to arrange! Happy Birthday :)

It would be foolish to ditch your entire friendship group over one poorly planned birthday event, you have a birthday every year and a wedding once a lifetime?

No wonder people are lonely and wonder why they have no friends in mid-life on Mumsnet! Flexibility and understanding is key to friendship and that includes understanding most people aren't going to travel hours, stay overnight and prioritise a casual birthday party round someone's house. It's clear the local people did- the far away people didn't, it isn't because the local people love you more and the far away people love you less, is it? It's because local parties are convenient to attend!

@Untitledsquatboulder I was replying to the post I was quoted in.

On the whole considering at least a dozen people did turn up I think you are being rather disingenuous and a bit over dramatic. You already know the header is completely misleading. Ok so you may need to reassess some of your friendships, perhaps they genuinely couldn't make it. Did they respond? Did they say they were definitely coming then just not turn up? Have you asked any of them why they didn't turn up? What other transcripts were you shown apart from the one who was clear he'd probably be working anyway?

Sorry there was a time and a date in the original message

And they all responded saying they would attend?

He said “put me down for attending”

That's not what I asked. The others. Did they all respond saying they would attend?

Did your husband really want your friends there? Why didn't he tell them / some of them the date, location and time?

Yes they all said they would attend

I don't believe that out of 10 long-distance friends, all said they would definitely attend, made arrangements, booked everything and then didn't show up. your boyfriend is just not telling the truth on this one, because 10 out of 10 attendance would be almost impossible with people working, families, travelling, even a wedding wouldn't have 10/10 attendance.