Did DH cheat or is this a joke?

[Newuser1987]

Got a DM on Instagram this morning. Private account but definitely not a fake one.

From a young woman claiming she has slept with my husband a few weeks ago and thought I deserved to know.

She knows details about a birth Mark on his chest and a tattoo on his ankle. But DH wears shorts a lot so lots would have seen the ankle tattoo. He does talk about his birth Mark as well so a lot of people know he has one. So I'm hoping that this is just someone stirring but wanted to post on here to get clarity and that I'm not just trying to comfort myself.

A few months ago he had a string of mysterious phone calls which led to a huge row as he wouldn't answer the phone to the mysterious person then started saying i was getting worked up over nothing. Nothing since then tho so other than that I have no reason to believe he has cheated.

I Will confront him but it's just his word against this random person on Instagram right? I'm calm thinking it's just someone stirring. But what if it's not? How would you feel?

Can't exactly break up over one set of messages from a random woman. We have 3 kids together.

Well she seems to be sleeping her way through their staff when they were apparently on a working shift. They might not be paying their staff to fuck eachother on duty 😉

She claims they had sex while he was at work. Most employers would probably consider that misconduct.

She seems to be sleeping her way through their staff? What have I missed? How many more colleagues of the OPs husband are on this thread and can vouch she’s a serial colleague fucker?

Honestly 🙄

Im sorry, i need to be cruel to be kind.

You are an absoulute mug.

Your husband has slept with this woman. I totally get that it's hard to hear and you dont want to believe it but its happened.

Have some respect for yourself and show him the door!

Op you are mad if you think your DP is telling the truth. Truly. Don’t be THAT woman, please. 💐

Interesting that he did not recognise her when you said her name, but did when you showed the profile picture. (Was there some discrepancy between the names?) But now you know that she is an ex-colleague and it's a real account, with a real, recognisable picture and some version of her real name. She must know it's very likely that you (or he) could track her down - especially if he was upset that she was lying.

Why doesn't he? Did he give you her full name so you can?

As for her not sharing the messages: it's a risk to her Perhaps she is also in a relationship, but even if not it could hurt her professionally if there's gossip that she slept with a married colleague, even at a former job. I'm not surprised she backed off. But there's nothing to stop your husband from going after her, if he has nothing to hide. And if in fact she is crazy and obsessive, all of this is HER fault. How are YOU a "drama queen"? (Or, from the last round of this, "worked up over nothing"?) Why would he not want to protect his wife (and possibly his children) from an unpredictable threat, or at least tell you the whole story so you can protect yourself?

Could be one or a dozen. Doesn't really matter. If you're having it off on duty then your employer might want to terminate your employment for bringing the company into disrepute. The only get out will be if he lied to his wife that he was working that day, otherwise there's some pretty serious misconduct going on.

^OP I agree with these posters 100%. To call you a "drama queen" is unforgiveable - he has insulted you and brushed you off showing you no respect or love at all. She has his phone number, so presumably he has hers? Why isn't he ringing her or messaging her on SM to ask her what the hell she is playing at?
Because he is GUILTY. He doesn;t even care enough to try to console and reassure you! What an absolute shithead - I would seriously pack his bags and he would not be staying with me and my children after that - that's a disrespectful nasty piece of work you have got for a DH, and one that can't keep it in his pants.

So he doesn't know her name but he does know he used to work with her and does her enough to know she is obsessive...

He cannot possibly make that make sense.

She’s telling the truth. My reasoning is because if she WAS crazy and lying, he should be angry, asking to see the messages, reacting to the whole situation with more emotion and confusion

Instead he has..

• Tried to pretend it hadn’t happened
• Gaslighted you into thinking you’re crazy
• Not wanted to know why this crazy woman from his work ages ago, has done this????
• Is shutting down conversations about it and making you feel crazy

I’m sorry but it screams guilty.

It also looks bad with the call thing a few months back.

If my partner was shaken by someone maliciously trying to break us up with detailed, incorrect lies then I’d most definitely have some questions and would not be saying he’s a drama Queen and ignoring it !

Im so sorry. He’s a liar xxxx

The fact he called her crazy and obsessive is a bit of a sign he could've cheated imo!

I'm with you @PinkButtercups
It's like when men describe exes as 'psycho' always makes me raise an eyebrow

he said he used to work with her. we don’t know if she left or if he did. Or if the time she quoted was when they were even working together.

at least she tried to do the decent thing and left the wife know.

Is it the decent thing though? She's lobbed a grenade into the OPs life by making an accusation, but then is flat out refusing to give the OP anything to prove it.

Seems like a pretty shitty move to me.

That's a psycho phrase: you "deserve to know". You don't deserve to have your peace of mind undermined.

When you met him, was he with someone else?

I think the OP should be more concerned about her husbands (most likely) infidelities, betrayal and getting the truth from him.

Not contacting his and the OWs employers about it…. 🙄

Unfortunately I believe the woman

And of course your husband labelled her crazy and obsessive. And of course he told you to block her! That makes it easy for him if she can't contact you.

I think I'd be asking to see his mobile phone bills which he can download from his provider.
I'd also message the woman and apologise for your previous messages if they were rude but that you are just defensive because this information could be life changing and affect your children too. I would ask her if she can provide any proof whatsoever and see what she says

Very clear he’s cheated in my opinion, else he’s would be fuming and messaging her himself.

‘she’s crazy and obsessive’ so she was obsessed with him but he didn’t think to tell his partner? Come on..

Shes gave you dates, which add up.

colleagues do not sit and discuss birth marks, enough that you would remember the place and shape of it.

sorry Op x

The time she quoted they shagged was a time OP knows he was at work. That’s not looking terribly good either way.

That’s my take too. Pretty gutless for someone claiming to want to do OP a favour. Keeping her legs and gob shut would have been a better favour.

Forewarned is forearmed. You can carry on your married life if you want to as you don’t know what the truth is. However, be aware of your financial and legal parts, without your husband knowing have copies and details, even to seeing a solicitor to know where you stand. Be careful to clean the history on your electronic devices.

Yes but she may not have been working at the same place he worked at that time, so there’s no point threatening to tell her employer when there’s not evidence she even worked for the same company as him at that time.

It’s not a wise move to create a scenario where this woman is being threatened, OP already has enough to think about without reporting the woman to her previous employer because she might have been shagging someone during her working hours.

your message sounds quite misogynistic. I hope you didn’t mean it to come across that way.

OP what did your partner mean by calling her "obsessive" that's a pretty choice word.

Given he denied knowing her initially it seems quite odd that he would then refer to her as crazy or obsessive. I can't speak for everyone, but personally I meet people everyday of the week, a lot of colleagues etc. Whose names might slip my mind until I'm presented with a photo to go with it, these are people that generally haven't made much of an impression on me or I just haven't spent enough time with to cement their name and face to memory. But, and speaking as someone who borders on down right rude in my inability to remember names/faces/people, if some one, especially a work colleague, behaved in a way that I'd describe as "crazy" or "obsessive" I'd have absolutely no trouble recalling who they are by name alone, because those are some pretty memorable, even extreme, personality traits. What or who was this girl obsessed with and why? What has gone on between them that she would go to this extreme for "revenge"? Wouldn't she use a burner account instead of her own account? I'm sorry but I must be somewhat naive, I just cannot fathom why this girl would reach out to you like this, from her own personal account putting her own reputation at risk for something as stupid as being knocked back by a married man. To me it's more likely he slept with her, it was a "one and done" for him and she thought it was something more, possibly ringing/texting him alot (would explain his use of the word "obsessive", they say there's an element of truth in every lie). You'd have to be seriously hurt/angry and not just ego bruised, to put yourself in the line of fire of the woman whose husband you slept with.

Your husbands response is classic gaslighting, false amnesia followed quickly by defensive attack on the girls credibility, referring to her as crazy and obsessive isn't even original.

I think he probably did, maybe just after a night out a few times. Ask her for dates, where they met ect. X