I think DH is cheating

[Greengrassbrokenglass]

I think DH might be cheating on me...I've noticed some weird things this last few days.
When we were at a formal event for his work last week, all my stuff didn't fit in my clutch bag so he put some of my makeup in his suit jacket pocket. A couple of days ago, I went in his wardrobe and got it out and found a little cut up strip of viagra - no big deal, he's only ever worn that suit when he's been with me...maybe he's having issues that he doesn't want to talk about. He's older than me and has been having health issues, so could be linked.

On Wednesday I was upstairs and needed a pen to write something down - his work bag was sitting in the room so I put my hand in and grabbed a pen, along with 3 condoms. I bought him this bag for Christmas last year - we don't use condoms (once or twice in the early days but these were a different brand than the one and only pack we had) and he had the snip in February. He didn't start using the bag regularly until March/April.

So I went digging. On Thursday I found a stash of viagra with a prescription date of 4th October, plus loads of empty packs in his suitcase. There were 3 left in one of the packs. I put it all back in his bag. We didn't have sex Thursday night as he has a whopping cold and went to bed earlier than me.
He went working last night, so I had a look in the suitcase again...the remaining pack was gone but all the empties still there.
None of this is conclusive evidence but pretty damning. What do I do? I don't want to confront him until I have something irrefutable.

He isn't acting strangely, he's his normal, affectionate self and our sex life is good - sex at least twice a week. He worships me.
This is second marriage for both of us and we both have DS from previous marriage. I have 50/50 with ex, so we fit our sex life around DS being at his dad's...but do have spontaneous sex when he's asleep.

He has been promoting a young woman through his work, which has helped her achieve many accolades and much exposure in a very short space of time...I can't explain further as its VERY identifying. I've met her, she's lovely and absolutely do not believe she would be interested in DH romantically, but I suppose it's not beyonce the bounds of reason that this might be an arrangement to further her success.

DH physically caught his ex wife cheating, so is very vocal against infedility...so it just seems so out of character.

😆 well, it’s when someone poos into a condom, freezes it, cuts off the condom and uses it as a dildo. So…there you go. I’ve ruined everyone’s days

is there any chance the condoms are explained by the viagra? You say you know he’s covertly using it when he has sex with you rather than being open about it. Might he be ‘practising’, so to speak? I don’t know much about viagra but presumably you need to get the timing right? Could he be practising and using the condoms to avoid a mess? Or am I clutching at straws for you?

He doesn't 'have to get rid of his erection' after viagra. Viagra helps when you would have got an erection anyway (i.e. actual foreplay or sex). It doesn't give you a random raging boner.

Yep.

I don't think that is what is going on either. I was just saying that a Posh Wank is a thing. And it is - it isn't a totally made up thing that no one ever does.

Anyway, these threads have people pointlessly speculating all day. OP needs to be a grown up and initiate a conversation. From there, the answer will emerge. Magic!

Err, yes, some do.

Anyone can be vehemently opposed to cheating. Until they're not.

Yeah, that is definitely something a teenager has made up and posted on Urban Dictionary for a laugh.

Just no point to doing that at all. Be better off with an actual dil/strap on.
Or, if you don't have one to hand, a "dil-dare" - which I gather is when you use some other object as a makeshift dildo.

Anyway...........I feel we may have digressed somewhat..................

Ok so my limited understanding of viagra is that you would definitely know your husband had taken it. Rock solid for hours and hours apparently, and doesn’t go down after ejaculation. (Info from boyfriend who says his mates have used it to counter brewer’s droop. Claims he has never had to use it himself, ofc!)

So I don’t feel like he would be able to discreetly use it for sex with OP without her realising things were different. Point being, something extra marital is going on.

Due to your circumstances and him having condoms I would jump straight to thinking hes having an affair or using prostitutes.. sorry OP

Just a thought but a wash-bag my Dh bought fairly recently DH came with condoms already included.

Don't really get why you don't talk to him about the viagra. If he's having performance concerns, then you talking with him is going to help him in the long run. If however he's cheating then you'll see it written on his face as he's clearly not cleverr enough to find a better hiding place.

@Greengrassbrokenglass

I think there could easily be an innocent explanation for it all. (And I'm not usually one to find one!!)

He's had a vasectomy, he's had some complications. His ex cheated on him, he's older than you, it's quite likely he's not been open about using viagra with you. He might have moved the ones you saw into clothing, bedside table, PJ pocket etc to have in a more handy place, for sec with YOU!

he has 3 condoms in a strip, if there were 2 I'd be more concerned. They're probably from when he had his vasectomy. He just hasn't bothered to throw them away or feels it's wasteful ?!

Men are a bit dim sometimes. He should have just put them in your bathroom cabinet/bedside table. Not somewhere that looks suspicious, but he probably either just put them down or didn't think.

you say he seems his usual self. That's quite unusual if they're cheating.

However, regular sex, openly against cheating, ex having cheated.... are common amongst men who cheat, so don't let those things muddy the waters.

Don't rule out the possibility that it's a man either. My friend is an older bloke. He regularly has sex with men (the majority are married) it's purely fun, variety and neither he nor the other men consider
themselves bisexual, let alone gay. They don't want a man as a partner, mostly they live their wives/families. This means nothing to them, no more than playing golf, going to the pub, going to football etc, it's just different sex & that's as far as it goes.

my friend's wife knows & is fine with it.

personally I wouldn't be.

but that choice would be yours. It is totally possible it's not a relationship or a desire to be bi/gay.

However, at this stage I'm going with 'innocent explanation' as at the start of my post.

Could he be having viagra and using condoms for a posh wank?

@Herejustforthisone

it is NOT 'clear' & men do have 'a posh wank'.

but he has a strip of 4 condoms, there NO proof he's actually used any!

My first instinct upon reading this was that he is possible seeing escorts. Not always of course, but usually when men (or women) are having an affair there will be other changes in their behaviours, whereas seeing sex workers is often seen by those who use their services as less of a betrayal (that in itself is obviously a completely different debate) so there will often be no other signs besides the obvious financial aspect and sudden possession of condoms.

Not all escorts supply condoms and it is pretty common practice for men to use viagra with sex workers too in order to ensure they 'get their moneys worth' so to speak.

Either way, personally, I wouldn't be wasting time pretending everything was OK whilst you look for further evidence, that will do nothing but buikd on yojr anger and cause yourself even more distress.. I would make sure to talk to him asap about what you have found (without being overly accusing of him immediately) and gauge his reaction and go from there.

Ok so my limited understanding of viagra is that you would definitely know your husband had taken it. Rock solid for hours and hours apparently, and doesn’t go down after ejaculation.

Your understanding is limited to men who probably don’t actually need it. Hence the rather extreme effects.

What the hell else do you need? It is obvious what is going on.

It's like a punch to the gut isn't it. Sending you love.
On a positive note - he has been thinking of using condoms (hopefully to ensure you don't catch anything )
It does sounds like he loves you and is attracted to you.
Best to know the truth. Confrontation is from my experience not the best way.. use an understanding kind of tactic - then decide how to play it from there.
Is he into men? He may be ashamed... ?

😂😂😂😂Brilliant post

That’s true.

Would OP not be aware that DH has started to need viagra? Earlier incidents of failure to get erection, or loss of erection maybe? By the sounds of they enjoy an active and frequent sex life.

😳 OMG,😂😂😂😂😂😂

Yeah, you have. Thanks!

I'm in agreement with this and believe me I'm always in the "confront the bastard/leave the bastard" camp. But this... Doesn't add up to me and actually my first thought was is he using the condoms for a) a clean wank and b) I would think maybe if he is having performance issues is he trying to spend some time encouraging himself/testing the Viagra on his own?

You sound like a very smart lady OP so I don't think you'd attract a dolt... So I'd find it very hard to believe that you've met a man dumb enough to leave evidence readily accessible in your home and to you.

If it were me, and you sound fairly level headed, I'd have a conversation about "I found the strips of Viagra,if you don't wanna talk about it that's fine but did you check with the doctor before taking them to make sure your heart is OK?" as in...you don't want to be coming and going at the same time, do you. See how receptive he is to that it may strike a conversation that answers your other questions but no, cheating wouldn't be my first thought.