I think DH is cheating

[Greengrassbrokenglass]

I think DH might be cheating on me...I've noticed some weird things this last few days.
When we were at a formal event for his work last week, all my stuff didn't fit in my clutch bag so he put some of my makeup in his suit jacket pocket. A couple of days ago, I went in his wardrobe and got it out and found a little cut up strip of viagra - no big deal, he's only ever worn that suit when he's been with me...maybe he's having issues that he doesn't want to talk about. He's older than me and has been having health issues, so could be linked.

On Wednesday I was upstairs and needed a pen to write something down - his work bag was sitting in the room so I put my hand in and grabbed a pen, along with 3 condoms. I bought him this bag for Christmas last year - we don't use condoms (once or twice in the early days but these were a different brand than the one and only pack we had) and he had the snip in February. He didn't start using the bag regularly until March/April.

So I went digging. On Thursday I found a stash of viagra with a prescription date of 4th October, plus loads of empty packs in his suitcase. There were 3 left in one of the packs. I put it all back in his bag. We didn't have sex Thursday night as he has a whopping cold and went to bed earlier than me.
He went working last night, so I had a look in the suitcase again...the remaining pack was gone but all the empties still there.
None of this is conclusive evidence but pretty damning. What do I do? I don't want to confront him until I have something irrefutable.

He isn't acting strangely, he's his normal, affectionate self and our sex life is good - sex at least twice a week. He worships me.
This is second marriage for both of us and we both have DS from previous marriage. I have 50/50 with ex, so we fit our sex life around DS being at his dad's...but do have spontaneous sex when he's asleep.

He has been promoting a young woman through his work, which has helped her achieve many accolades and much exposure in a very short space of time...I can't explain further as its VERY identifying. I've met her, she's lovely and absolutely do not believe she would be interested in DH romantically, but I suppose it's not beyonce the bounds of reason that this might be an arrangement to further her success.

DH physically caught his ex wife cheating, so is very vocal against infedility...so it just seems so out of character.

Yep he's cheating.

There's only one use for condoms really so if he's not using them with you, he's using them with someone. Could be to protect against STDs or because who he's with isn't willing to trust in him having the snip but the evidence so far is very damning. Almost certainly a work colleague, especially if he goes on a lot of work trips. You'll need to try get access to email, phone or bank statements xx 💐

Obviously it doesn't look good, but it's not beyond possibility that he has the Viagra for use with you and maybe the condoms from just post vasectomy when his sperm count had been checked. Can you self-test for sperm count? May be he wanted to check. May be Viagra keeps him hard too long and he has a "posh wank" afterwards? I'd say keep checking, and obviously cheating is a real possibility but it's not the only reason he may have these things.

I'm not saying you are lying, but are you sure? What law?

Confront him but don’t tell him exactly what you’ve found where. He will lie and minimise, aligning his story with what you’ve found, and telling you no more than you already know. Tell him he has one chance to tell you everything. Ideally check his phone and laptop beforehand.

I think I’m the in the minority who think he’s not cheating!

Viagra, he has them in his suit coat when he’s with you, to take them with you?
The condoms- he’s having a clean wank? When he takes the viagra and you don’t end up having sex, he’s got to get rid of his erection somehow!

I don’t obviously know you, or him. But I’ve got a weird feeling he’s not cheating.

If you don't want to confront him direct, can't you just remove all said items, hide them, then sit back and watch his behaviour?

But I’ve got a weird feeling he’s not cheating

Please ignore the random ‘weird feeling’ of a random person on Mumsnet who appears to have dismissed the suspicious evidence you’ve already found and who knows neither you nor your husband.

No man wanks with a condom.

"...I've met her, she's lovely and absolutely do not believe she would be interested in DH romantically, but I suppose it's not beyond the bounds of reason that this might be an arrangement to further her success..."

@xPeaceX Don't EVER be surprised - it doesn't matter how young she is or how old your DH is. It happens a lot in my experience, sadly.

And because your DH has been cheated on before, it does not mean that he wouldn't now do it, however vocal he is about infidelity. It's not at all unusal for the 'cheated on' person to do the same.

Have any of you actually ever met a man?! “Clean wank” FFS! It would be like a woman putting rubber gloves on to have a wank, why would you bother with something that’s going to make it feel less nice?

Men don’t use condoms for masturbating - they mainly just moan about having to use them for casual sex and try to get away without using them.

I’m well into double digits and have never known a man willingly use a condom for sex with me. I’ve had to push for it or decide to do other things if they haven’t had any.

Why does doing that have a name then? It's called a "Posh Wank"

Men with Ed issues do use condoms tolast longer when masturbating, that plus the viagra I'm.inclined think it's more likely he is struggling to.maontain erections.

I don't see how much more concrete you can get than the condom (and maybe the viagra too) thing @Greengrassbrokenglass .

Though when caught I've seen on this board that the men try and lie and say they were using the condoms for a 'posh wank,' so in that respect it mightn't be enough to confront him yet IDK.

As to him only wearing the suit three times, with you, well he's only worn it three times that you know of, he could probably have taken it out with him to wear on other occasions potentially.

Everyone here assuming he's cheating with the woman he promoted. Any chance he's interested in men?

It would be sexual assault. Just because she’s not the one having sex with him doesn’t make it okay

OP it’s pretty damning. Though it could be that the condoms were given after the vasectomy and the viagra is due to him having issues but he’s too embarrassed to tell you.
You really need to either find more evidence or just have it out with him now and see what he says

@YouSirNeighMmmm Apparently a bloke got done for rape for it metro.co.uk/2020/10/05/man-who-poked-holes-in-condoms-without-telling-partner-jailed-for-rape-13373324/ A woman might be done for sexual assault in theory if she were the one who did that sneakily and then got the man to shag her.

If he were to use the condoms on another woman, I imagine another woman pricking holes would only be committing a negligible level of criminal damage or something.

Have you ever come across a man who wanks with a condom? Men, who habitually moan about how much they hate condoms? How they reduce sensation? Why would they wank into a condom?

There’s also something called a Chicago Drainpipe but I’d go so far as to say next to no one does it. Don’t google it.

less cleaning up to do is the theory I guess. But I still think it unlikely.

Anyway my point was, that poster was being ludicrous and clutching.

Not every time. Maybe when young to experiment and maybe every now and again in the future - perhaps if bored round the house and stumbles across a pack in a drawer.

Of course, I'm sure it is a broad spectrum, as with everything. Some never, some moreso.

"DH physically caught his ex wife cheating, so is very vocal against infedility.."
Did you get together with your husband after he found out about his ex wife's infidelity and was he already divorced when you became a couple with him?

@Herejustforthisone I had to google of course lol, but am only getting results for actual drainpipes.