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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think DH is cheating

232 replies

Greengrassbrokenglass · 05/11/2022 11:17

I think DH might be cheating on me...I've noticed some weird things this last few days.
When we were at a formal event for his work last week, all my stuff didn't fit in my clutch bag so he put some of my makeup in his suit jacket pocket. A couple of days ago, I went in his wardrobe and got it out and found a little cut up strip of viagra - no big deal, he's only ever worn that suit when he's been with me...maybe he's having issues that he doesn't want to talk about. He's older than me and has been having health issues, so could be linked.

On Wednesday I was upstairs and needed a pen to write something down - his work bag was sitting in the room so I put my hand in and grabbed a pen, along with 3 condoms. I bought him this bag for Christmas last year - we don't use condoms (once or twice in the early days but these were a different brand than the one and only pack we had) and he had the snip in February. He didn't start using the bag regularly until March/April.

So I went digging. On Thursday I found a stash of viagra with a prescription date of 4th October, plus loads of empty packs in his suitcase. There were 3 left in one of the packs. I put it all back in his bag. We didn't have sex Thursday night as he has a whopping cold and went to bed earlier than me.
He went working last night, so I had a look in the suitcase again...the remaining pack was gone but all the empties still there.
None of this is conclusive evidence but pretty damning. What do I do? I don't want to confront him until I have something irrefutable.

He isn't acting strangely, he's his normal, affectionate self and our sex life is good - sex at least twice a week. He worships me.
This is second marriage for both of us and we both have DS from previous marriage. I have 50/50 with ex, so we fit our sex life around DS being at his dad's...but do have spontaneous sex when he's asleep.

He has been promoting a young woman through his work, which has helped her achieve many accolades and much exposure in a very short space of time...I can't explain further as its VERY identifying. I've met her, she's lovely and absolutely do not believe she would be interested in DH romantically, but I suppose it's not beyonce the bounds of reason that this might be an arrangement to further her success.

DH physically caught his ex wife cheating, so is very vocal against infedility...so it just seems so out of character.

OP posts:
Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 07/11/2022 08:11

Reminds me of the time my ex H and I had a handful of condoms in a drawer, then I noticed a couple had gone. Found them in his wash bag he was taking to a work conference. He came up with some hilariously stupid explanations to justify it......

Trust your instincts @Greengrassbrokenglass and get an STI check.

Bedazzled22 · 07/11/2022 08:48

I dont think he is cheating. I think this is about ED embarrassment…

NoDatingForOldMen · 07/11/2022 09:32

IVbumble · 06/11/2022 07:54

Erectile dysfunction is a common side effect of vasectomies.

That’s completely wrong, ED is not common side affect of the snip, testosterone is still produced.
is mostly operations on the bladder & prostate that can cause ED ( among a pile of other not good reasons)

www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/erectile-dysfunction#:~:text=Organic%20ED%20involves%20abnormalities%20the,arteries%20may%20be%20the%20cause.

SaintVal · 07/11/2022 10:25

workiskillingme · 06/11/2022 22:08

Can the people insisting it's erectile dysfunction please explain why the need for the condoms?

This! Keep thinking I've missed something but everyone is skirting over the condoms. You wear a condom to protect the female you are sleeping with from getting pregnant or to protect both of you from passing on or catching an STI, what other reasons are there?

Ginglymostomatidae · 07/11/2022 13:54

workiskillingme · 06/11/2022 22:08

Can the people insisting it's erectile dysfunction please explain why the need for the condoms?

Some men use them, as recommended, to reduce sensation and make them 'last longer'.

likeyourshoes · 07/11/2022 14:39

Just try and think what you would do if you were in his position and your partner had found these items.
Probably the first thing would be to move them to somewhere like the bedside cabinet, to give the impression that these items were always intended to be part of your and his relationship.
Think about how you'd explain the removal of items from their packaging while leaving the packaging in place?
Where did they go in between you noticing they were gone, then reappearing in the drawer? Are they, in fact, different tablets? Which would imply they've been moved from a stash. Why would any item be in the loft?

OldFan · 07/11/2022 14:54

Erectile dysfunction is a common side effect of vasectomies.

No.

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