I think DH is cheating

[Greengrassbrokenglass]

I think DH might be cheating on me...I've noticed some weird things this last few days.
When we were at a formal event for his work last week, all my stuff didn't fit in my clutch bag so he put some of my makeup in his suit jacket pocket. A couple of days ago, I went in his wardrobe and got it out and found a little cut up strip of viagra - no big deal, he's only ever worn that suit when he's been with me...maybe he's having issues that he doesn't want to talk about. He's older than me and has been having health issues, so could be linked.

On Wednesday I was upstairs and needed a pen to write something down - his work bag was sitting in the room so I put my hand in and grabbed a pen, along with 3 condoms. I bought him this bag for Christmas last year - we don't use condoms (once or twice in the early days but these were a different brand than the one and only pack we had) and he had the snip in February. He didn't start using the bag regularly until March/April.

So I went digging. On Thursday I found a stash of viagra with a prescription date of 4th October, plus loads of empty packs in his suitcase. There were 3 left in one of the packs. I put it all back in his bag. We didn't have sex Thursday night as he has a whopping cold and went to bed earlier than me.
He went working last night, so I had a look in the suitcase again...the remaining pack was gone but all the empties still there.
None of this is conclusive evidence but pretty damning. What do I do? I don't want to confront him until I have something irrefutable.

He isn't acting strangely, he's his normal, affectionate self and our sex life is good - sex at least twice a week. He worships me.
This is second marriage for both of us and we both have DS from previous marriage. I have 50/50 with ex, so we fit our sex life around DS being at his dad's...but do have spontaneous sex when he's asleep.

He has been promoting a young woman through his work, which has helped her achieve many accolades and much exposure in a very short space of time...I can't explain further as its VERY identifying. I've met her, she's lovely and absolutely do not believe she would be interested in DH romantically, but I suppose it's not beyonce the bounds of reason that this might be an arrangement to further her success.

DH physically caught his ex wife cheating, so is very vocal against infedility...so it just seems so out of character.

They might not have been in the jacket pocket because he intended to use them when he wore the jacket.
They might have been in the jacket pocket because that's a good hiding place - a jacket that he rarely wears and it's unlikely you'll have need to move the jacket or go checking his pockets when tidying up.

I was joking re the chilli juice BTW...just some black humour in a dark time.

Knowing me I’d get all the stuff I’d found in his pockets and chuck the lot on the dining table for him to see when he came in.

When did he have the vasectomy? I thought you had to use contraception until you had a zero sperm count. Could he have bought the condoms for that reason? Clutching at straws I'm afraid.

That could be possible, if all the rest were not kept together in his suitcase.

Squirrel money away and pin prick the condoms.

Then he'll end up deep in trouble and you'll be able to leg it with a pile of cash!

I’m sure the last thing OP wants is him having a baby with another women as that will be even harder to come to terms with.

I had a coil until very recently.

Just ask him why he has condoms and viagra!
Don't do cloak and dagger bullshit.
Tell him you have seen them and demand an explanation.

Maybe he's got multiple hiding places?

This, absolutely.

If it is all above board, why wouldnt he tell you he needs viagra?

I guess he is insecure about his performance declining...maybe he doesn't want to be seen as "less than".
I'd think that if it was just the viagra in isolation...but with the condoms and the viagra being moved....

Ugh, who advised that??

Very suspicious

He's sleeping with the woman he promoted

Seen it chapter and verse

For arguements sake, could the condoms pre-date the vasectomy? You didn't happen to glance the expiry date on the condoms? If it was short, I would assume they've been purchased a long time ago. Again, clutching at straws but still.

You have enough evidence to know he’s fucking someone else. That’s clear. But he will deny, deny and deny, so I personally would want something more concrete before I confronted him.

Is he a nice man generally? Will he respond truthfully if you questioned him directly? Do you know his 'tells' when he is lying?

All the best op it doesn’t sound good so hope it’s just a misunderstanding.

So this is illegal, obviously don’t do this.

🌸

I’d be more inclined to assume prostitutes/escorts.

I don't think you need further evidence.
Personally, I'd not delay further as I'd feel too sick to hold it in.
"Hi darling, I went to get a pen from the briefcase you got after your vasectomy and it had condoms in it - you have also been taking viagra when we were not having sex - who else are you having sex with?"

I don't understand why you don't confront him? You don't need to launch into a full on accusation, just simply state what you've found and how you feel.

When they’re 12 maybe. Grown men don’t joke about with condoms and viagra, or look after them for a friend etc.

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it’s a duck.

It is not unheard of for men to use condoms as part of masturbation, and the viagra could be to use with you and he gave it a test run.

I think you should proceed with a touch of caution because there may be an innocent explanation... but on the other hand it really really doesn't look good, and if I had 5 seconds to tell you whether I think you should trust him or not I'm not going to say yes.