I think DH is cheating

[Greengrassbrokenglass]

I think DH might be cheating on me...I've noticed some weird things this last few days.
When we were at a formal event for his work last week, all my stuff didn't fit in my clutch bag so he put some of my makeup in his suit jacket pocket. A couple of days ago, I went in his wardrobe and got it out and found a little cut up strip of viagra - no big deal, he's only ever worn that suit when he's been with me...maybe he's having issues that he doesn't want to talk about. He's older than me and has been having health issues, so could be linked.

On Wednesday I was upstairs and needed a pen to write something down - his work bag was sitting in the room so I put my hand in and grabbed a pen, along with 3 condoms. I bought him this bag for Christmas last year - we don't use condoms (once or twice in the early days but these were a different brand than the one and only pack we had) and he had the snip in February. He didn't start using the bag regularly until March/April.

So I went digging. On Thursday I found a stash of viagra with a prescription date of 4th October, plus loads of empty packs in his suitcase. There were 3 left in one of the packs. I put it all back in his bag. We didn't have sex Thursday night as he has a whopping cold and went to bed earlier than me.
He went working last night, so I had a look in the suitcase again...the remaining pack was gone but all the empties still there.
None of this is conclusive evidence but pretty damning. What do I do? I don't want to confront him until I have something irrefutable.

He isn't acting strangely, he's his normal, affectionate self and our sex life is good - sex at least twice a week. He worships me.
This is second marriage for both of us and we both have DS from previous marriage. I have 50/50 with ex, so we fit our sex life around DS being at his dad's...but do have spontaneous sex when he's asleep.

He has been promoting a young woman through his work, which has helped her achieve many accolades and much exposure in a very short space of time...I can't explain further as its VERY identifying. I've met her, she's lovely and absolutely do not believe she would be interested in DH romantically, but I suppose it's not beyonce the bounds of reason that this might be an arrangement to further her success.

DH physically caught his ex wife cheating, so is very vocal against infedility...so it just seems so out of character.

Time to let the straw go, OP.

You know what this means.

Could he be using the viagra and condoms for some uhm... "me time"? Is he into porn? Sometimes condoms make a man last longer so maybe he's wearing them in the shower? Sorry OP, really trying to clutch at straws for you 😣

The condoms are enough evidence imo.

I'd start digging further.

Don't confront him yet , he'll just deny everything and get more careful. Try and get your hands on his phone or if he drives alot put a voice recorder into his car ( underneat the seat ) or else get an old phone put it on aeroplane mode and turn on the voice recording app. It will recorder for a long number of hours .I thought I was married to a great man but found out he was in a long term affair.

@Greengrassbrokenglass

condoms can always be a joke etc and guys end up with them all the time .

but I would watch

A car meet could be as short as 15 minutes. Prostitutes do blowjobs with or without condom. I actually parked next to one such meeting a couple of months ago. Broad daylight, out-of-town shopping complex, open carpark.
In certain parts of the UK it's becoming rife.

The fact that there are empty wrappers screams affair. I'm so sorry OP

Personally my mind would go to prostitutes rather than an affair. Some men don't see it as cheating.

I'd have to be asking me. Wtf are all these Viagra and condoms for type of thing.

I think in this case you are justified in looking at his phone. It's the only way you are going to get closure.

For me the condoms/Viagra would be evidence enough, but I understand why you need something more concrete he couldn't possibly gaslight you about.

It's not looking good mate.

The two exes that cheated on me were also the two most vocal anti-cheating men I’ve ever met. I believe that’s relatively common.

As is your own sex life staying the same, or even improving slightly, when they’re having an affair.

When would he have worn the jacket you said you found the Viagra in apart from the night you went out?

I'm another one wondering what on earth you'd need further evidence of. There is literally no other explanation for this other than that he's cheating or planning on cheating.

You have proof. He can lie all he likes but you know the truth. Why would you need to tiptoe around gathering evidence like a mug when you already have it?

Who cares if he lies or tries to gaslight you? You know what you saw and there is literally no other explanation than that he is cheating on you

Sorry OP but it doesn’t look good. I expect everything you need to know will be on his phone. I would avoid confronting him until you decide what you want to do in terms of fight for the marriage or end it. I would certainly be reassessing my life and ensuring that I had everything I needed financially as well as working on becoming more independent so if it’s doesn’t work out then it’s less of a shock for you.

Ok I whilst I do agree with others that it's not looking good, and I don't usually jump to the defence of a man...BUT could he have been given the condoms from when he had the snip? My DH had the snip earlier this year and they gave him condoms to use until he was given the all clear. Could he also be struggling to get it up after the snip and not want to tell you as he's embarrassed about it? Again, DH was told there are sometimes complications after the snip, impotence being one of them.

When I found that my ex husband was sleeping with prostitutes he said something like "Don't worry, I'm not having an affair" 😂

What a stupid, stupid man-child.

Urgh, "Fight for the marriage" 🤢 Some people have such low self esteem!

He's cheating.
It might be the young woman at work, but my feeling is, it's men.

Haven't read the full thread
But could he have been given the condoms when he had the vasectomy to use "until they know it's worked" and they just give them out regardless?

I get the impression it's sometimes less about fighting for the marriage and more about fighting to maintain the things surrounding the marriage, which can be numerous and varied. Some people will indeed play the very, very long game at the end of which, their cheating spouse gets their just desserts and more.

Just to clear up any misunderstanding-

The empty packets are of viagra - which is likely to have been used covertly with me at home as he has been having some issues since his vasectomy. But the remaining ones being removed from the bag a day ago is suspect as we last had sex on Wednesday. Also, the fact that he has never mentioned using viagra is concerning in itself.

The condoms are intact, not empty wrappers...a strip of three that aren't in a box. And since we don't use them, and the few we did use in the past had gold wrappers (they're still around somewhere) and these are read is fairly damning.

As to the jacket pocket viagra - it's a suit he has only worn on 3 occasions- all of which I was with him the whole time...likely it was in anticipation of sex with me on one of those occasions.

Squirrel money away and pin prick the condoms.

Then he'll end up deep in trouble and you'll be able to leg it with a pile of cash!

Are you serious? What an awful thing to suggest. Some poor woman (who might not even know of OPs existence) could get pregnant

He's had the snip...so he's unlikely to get anyone pregnant.
I could, however, pinprick the wrapping and soak them in chilli juice. But I'm not sure if my vengeance is that deep.