Ex trying to blackmail me

[ellie09]

Looking for some advice on what to do

My ex came across some pictures of me after he factory reset my old phone (it was previously locked as LO had it to play with). He then took photos of these pictures and kept them on his phone even after I told him to delete them. Some of these are varying levels of kink (nothing illegal or anything like that)

I contacted CSA about lack of payments from him. They obviously contacted him so he rang me and gave me abuse down the phone. He is also trying to buy a house at the moment so wants a divorce.

Basically after calling me every name under the sun, He's threatened me with showing these pictures to my family, to his solicitor, to the social workers (even though it doesn't involve our son) and ruin my life by "ruining my character" if I don't give him half the money for the divorce and drop the CSA case.

What do I do? I was thinking about calling the police to put a stop to it but I have no idea what they can do?

At the same time I don't want to not do anything as he's incredibly abusive and manipulative so I wouldn't put it past him to actually do something.

Any advice would be appreciated

I’m so glad you reported him to the police!

Firstly he took those photos from your phone without permission.

Then he tried to use them to blackmail you by threatening to show them to everyone.

So that’s theft, blackmail and revenge porn.

I hope he is suitably shitting his pants. I bet he never for one minute thought you’d report him and would just cave to his blackmailing demands! Oh to be a fly on the wall in that police interview room!

It’s good that you have shown him you will not be threatened.

And if he does attempt suicide - that is nothing to do with you. That’s his choice. Don’t you go feeling any kind of guilt or responsibility. It’s his own doing and nobody else’s.

It is a huge relief to report it! I had disclosed several encounters of harassment and abuse with my therapist who always asked me why I didn't report it. They have his phone now so they will see it all

Thanks to you all for your words of encouragement as well. It was definitely the right thing to do

Well done. You've done the right thing

Well done reporting it OP!

Were the police officers you spoke to female (out of interest)?

Nope, only one male officer! He was really sympathetic and he said I 100% did the right thing

After such a horrible experience with the police in N.I its very satisfying to have a good one this time around. They have dealt with everything very swiftly and professionally. They have kept me up to date with texts and phone calls every hour or so

Has he been charged yet or are they looking at his phone first?

I'm so pleased the police have acted appropriately OP, that's really heartening to hear.

Good on you for calling them, it was 100% the best course of action.

Hope you're ok

I don't think he has been charged yet until they look at the phone. I still need to send them my evidence as well. It was all very quick. I expected them to take a few days but they acted very quickly to protect me and my son which I'm thankful for as i told them i was frightened of the repercussions from my ex.

Cudos to the PSNI for once, absolutely doing the right thing.

Fro.the officers that first called to the house and the investigating officer, I have no complaints this far

Well done OP 👏 I hope that this gets sorted quickly. Very happy that they are taking things seriously and acted quickly.

That's really good news, OP.

It shouldn't be surprising when the police take crime and sex crimes seriously and do their job well, but it is!

Thank you for being brave enough to involve the police.

It sounds like you have lots of support IRL but I hope you're being kind to yourself. I imagine this is a rollercoaster of emotions.

Sending you

Oh for sure! The fact he can't contact me is s huge weight off my shoulders on its own!

They've put some type of alert on my home address also as a safety precaution

Even if he isn't charged ( you never know with the CPS)
you have shown him you will not tolerate his abuse and threats.
He will have been told that if he is charged and convicted he will likely end up having to sign the sex offenders register.
This is all his doing, actions have consequences and he will have been made aware of how serious this is.

Basically after calling me every name under the sun, He's threatened me with showing these pictures to my family, to his solicitor, to the social workers (even though it doesn't involve our son) and ruin my life by "ruining my character" if I don't give him half the money for the divorce and drop the CSA case.

While I suppose you could get a man as scummy and ridiculous anywhere l, I'm actually not surprised a man acting like this - and thinkingbyes going to ruin a woman's reputation - or blackmail her about ruining her reputation - with some nude pics, is Northern Irish..... Because in my experience, a good portion of the people here are still in the 1800s re. womens sexuality, freedom etc.

I'm glad the PSNI are acting appropriately so far.
There are some good uns in it.

Still trying to get my head atiundcthecfact he was going to show a solicitor nude/sexual pics of you, without you permission.... Not even aware he's be involvingbthek in a crime. Thinking they're going to back him disseminating them to others.

He's as think as pig shit, isn't he.

*involving them in a crime

In all honesty, I think it was purely a threat. I don't think he would have carried through with it. But I have been dealing with threats for years and I don't want him to have these images which he refuses to delete

Its a whole whirlwind of emotions and one minute you feel relieved and quite strong and the next you feel quite low and vulnerable. I'm feeling pretty low tonight. I have been dating a lovely fella the last while and I had to go home half way through the date as I just couldn't get my mind to rest and wanted to be alone

No one prepares you for the complete lack of trust you end up having in any prospective partners and the vulnerability you feel where you just want to hide away

Luckily the guy is very understanding and has ordered me takeaway to my house and giving me that space. I think I need a night with the phone off, some funny films cuddled up with the dog!

OP, you have taken his power by reporting him.

He is a nasty little man who completely underestimated you.

You have firmly put him on their radar and he will not like knowing that you have revealed the scum he is.

He knows all the threats and he doesn't know how much you have told them.

Believe me, he is feeling pretty uncomfortable at the moment.

Any other woman who contacts police about him going forward will be told he is known to them.

You are so brave.

You now know that any more bullshit from him you will be back on to the police.

He knows that too.

He's a bully and bullys hate being exposed for who they are.

Reach out to those who will support you.

The more drama attached to this type of crime the better, to stamp it out.

It is a crime associated with scum, whether its male or female doing it.

Mind yourself 👍

How you doing @ellie09

Its been difficult to process! I had a couple of difficult nights and I've drank a few bottles of wine, it has to be said but I think I am finally getting there!

I have therapy session tomorrow so will get to unload everything there. No updates as of yet from the police but it could probably take a while!

It's brilliant that you've got a counsellor you can talk things through with, be as honest as you can with them
Has he listened to the police and stayed away?
You've done a very brave thing, don't forget that!

He's stayed away for now! He seems very spooked by it all according to my mum!

May your story encourage others to report op!!
Well bloody done!

He's stayed away for now! He seems very spooked by it all according to my mum!

@ellie09

Very glad to hear it. This exactly what a decent society is supposed to do, to protect the weaker and disadvantages from their bullies.

Well done again for having the courage to contact police etc.