Ex trying to blackmail me

[ellie09]

Looking for some advice on what to do

My ex came across some pictures of me after he factory reset my old phone (it was previously locked as LO had it to play with). He then took photos of these pictures and kept them on his phone even after I told him to delete them. Some of these are varying levels of kink (nothing illegal or anything like that)

I contacted CSA about lack of payments from him. They obviously contacted him so he rang me and gave me abuse down the phone. He is also trying to buy a house at the moment so wants a divorce.

Basically after calling me every name under the sun, He's threatened me with showing these pictures to my family, to his solicitor, to the social workers (even though it doesn't involve our son) and ruin my life by "ruining my character" if I don't give him half the money for the divorce and drop the CSA case.

What do I do? I was thinking about calling the police to put a stop to it but I have no idea what they can do?

At the same time I don't want to not do anything as he's incredibly abusive and manipulative so I wouldn't put it past him to actually do something.

Any advice would be appreciated

I echo what a pp said, don’t warn him. Just straight to the police.

He’s already committing a criminal act by threatening to do it if he doesn’t receive financial benefit (blackmail)

if he does circulate the images, that’s a 2nd crime of revenge porn.

Which is what he's relying upon to get his own way. And why it's illegal.

The OP's family won't care other than sad at seeing just how criminally abusive the ex is, the solicitor will go ballistic at him committing a criminal offence, the social workers will record his criminal action, which can only help the OP protect herself and her child against him. And he gets a criminal conviction to boot.

The people he's threatening to send it to either bathed the OP as a child or would just provide credible witnesses for his prosecution. If he sends any of them images, the OP benefits and he loses massively.

Having been in a horrific child residence case myself, if I'd had something like that done to me, it would have saved me years of abuse afterwards. It's why the ex never went ahead with his threats - because somebody told him that he'd likely find himself under arrest.

OP, the police do take this seriously and are very sympathetic. Maybe you don't feel able to risk the abusive cunt finally showing the world what he's really like in the way I'd have done - but reporting the threats is still evidence of coercive control, blackmail and an intent to commit utterly criminal offences.

It's likely that if he does show them to those people he is threatening to, they will think exactly what we're all thinking and may report him for blackmail.

You really should report revenge porn.

What he’s threatening is a crime. Report that to the police.

He’s a stupid cunt though, as if he did show the photos to his solicitor, they’d likely advise him he was breaking the law.

Good advice. I sympathise with your embarrassment, but that’s nothing compared with his criminal actions — because he has already committed blackmail bythreatening you.

If you give in he’ll keep upping the price, and also he will always have power over you.

Report the f**cker to the Police - now!!

2 crimes so far. Blackmail and revenge porn.
Have another conversation with him but record it, use speaker, speak on your phone and record on iPad for example. Make sure you say his name in the conversation ( so he can’t later say you were speaking to another man) Then go to the police. You’ll have proof.

He’s a stupid cunt though, as if he did show the photos to his solicitor, they’d likely advise him he was breaking the law.

He really is dumber than a sack of spanners.

The solicitor would have to tell him he was breaking the law showing them to even them without permission.

And the idea of sending them to social services, family members etc. Like the solicitor would go along with that lol

Your ex is a few sandwiches short of a picnic, ain't he.

This is great advice.

If you report the threats to the police, you will trigger a process that will allow the authorities to obtain and destroy the photographs and punish him for the crimes he has committed so far (blackmail etc) but he has the chance to get away with it if he complies and gives up the pics.
IF he follows through with the threat and sends the photos to anyone, he is guaranteeing himself a far greater punishment. Sex offenders register and imprisonment would be a very likely possibility.

Going to the authorities means he loses either way. He just gets to chose how badly.

As someone who has seen inappropriate pictures that have been shared, I felt disgust at the sharer not the subject.

op please report this to the revenge porn helpline and police ASAP. My ex did this to me and the helpline and police were brilliant in getting him to pack it in. They had 'seen' all sorts so whatever the pictures of you are, they won't judge you for it.

You do not have to accept his behaviour. We're all here to hold your hand through this too. x

I have evidence he has the photos and me asking him to delete them via text but only the threat by phone call. Can they retrieve call recordings if I haven't recorded it? (Probably a silly question lol)

I’d report to the police. Bonus points if he’s threatened you by text because then you have proof.

No they can’t. You could text him saying you’ve gone to the police to report him for blackmail. That’s probably enough to shut him up..

Contact the police , nothing in those pics is illegal but what he is doing is .

Just message “you do know that’s a crime right? I think I’m going to report you to the police. I’m so glad they did criminalise this as it stops men like you from trying to blackmail ex partners”

You have more than enough for the police to take action.

Even without the texts they take this kind of thing very seriously. I would not hesitate to report this and as pp have said they will take steps to delete them too, but either way, you have piece of mind if those pics ever got out, he would be in a lot of trouble.

Absolutely call the police today. why should he get away with paying for his child. it’s illegal and can Cary a prison sentence (revenge porn) don’t let him get away with this glad he’s your ex he will hopefully think again before doing this again you may need a record of his character in the future definitely call them.

Also revenge porn should always be reported. It’s a disgusting crime and the perpetrators deserve anything and everything coming to them. If anyone, and I really mean anyone, in my life from boss, to coworker to neighbour to friend suddenly had pics of them all over the internet or anywhere in sexualised pornographic photos I wouldn’t give two hoots (and I wouldn’t look) but I would be furious at the person who leaked them against their will and I would expect everyone to turn on that person

Dont contact him or let him know you are reporting him to the police, let them deal with it.

Calls can't be recorded, no, but this is revenge porn, so a police matter.

Please do speak to the police.

I get you feel embarrassed about these photos and it was dreadful of him to take copies.

However, the only way to get yourself out from under his control is to hold your head up and take the 'publish and be dammed' line famously adopted by the Duke of Wellington.

If you stick to that, it takes all his power away in one fell swoop.

Keep screenshots of his messages.

Once you have told the police, you will feel better armed with knowledge of the penalties for blackmail and revenge porn. If it does worst case come out, people will absolutely see what an a**e he is being and you will have their widespread support.

Preempt him buy telling key people that he is threatening to publish

I'm sorry you are going through this. He really doesn't have any power over you any more. You have got this.