Also had the feeling of being kept hidden

[wishingwaslucky]

I read on here recently a thread about a woman whose DH wasn't inviting her to social events and that she felt she was being kept hidden.
I wanted to summarise my own situation in case it helps at all.
Some while ago now I posted a similar question to this forum. With my DH he seemed to be avoiding being seen with me, but only in my home town. He was quite happy for us to be out together, at pubs and restaurants and outdoor activities, but only in other parts of the country/abroad.
At the time MN came up with various suggestions as to why this might be happening.
I worked methodically through each one and discounted them. For example.
I hadn't changed my appearance or put on weight, so could rule out him being ashamed of me.
He hadn't developed depression, or agoraphobia or similar because we still went together to shopping centres in neighbouring counties, pubs and restaurants further afield and on holiday overseas.
It wasn't that he was bored with the home town because it is one of the more beautiful in the UK, with plenty to do and see.
Having eliminated options, I engineered a situation where he had no choice really but to walk with me through the main shopping area of my home town during the day. It felt crazy that we hadn't really done that for probably about ten years.
He seemed edgy, walked quickly, got to a certain point, then exclaimed 'you don't really need me with you to do XYZ do you? I'll go back to work' (he's self-employed so wasn't under any time limit). He promptly turned round and basically left me standing in the middle of a shopping area.
I still haven't got to the bottom of this, but my only conclusion is that there must be someone who could potentially be in the area and that he does not want to bump into them whilst with me.
This is the only logical conclusion.

If you’ve ruled out all of the other ideas from a previous post, then I’d have to agree with you. Any way of narrowing down a favourite pub, restaurant etc that he frequents? Is there a gym he goes to? Maybe look a little closer at his day to day life? Sorry you’re going through this. It’s a pretty shitty thing to do to someone.

Sounds like he has another woman who doesn't know about you.

Yup he's cheating on you

Does he go out a lot without you?

This is the thing. No he doesn't. I don't know what he gets up to during the day when he's supposed to be working though.
When I spoke to him about his reluctance to be seen with me, I asked him if it was something about me that he didn't want to be seen with me. His response was 'was that what you thought?', he seemed very shocked at this, and then he immediately started crying, he said 'no, no', then hugged me.
I didn't know what to think at that point.

You’re actually married to him and live together?

I kind of got the sense by his immediate reaction being to say 'was that what you thought?', was that he had already been thinking to himself that I had been thinking something about the situation, but that he didn't think I'd be thinking that (if that makes sense)?

Yes

Do you know all his family and friends?

And colleagues?

Google maps on his phone and location services will tell you where he's going during the day! I'll bet you he's in town quite often just never with you. Sorry I know it's snooping but you've tried everything else pretty much to narrow it down.

I know most of his family very well. There are a couple of relatives who live in other parts of the country who I've met in passing but probably wouldn't recognise them in the street. I don't know all his friends, I mean I know them by name, but wouldn't know them by sight. These are more acquaintances than friends I would describe them as.
I know all his colleagues.

Google location isn't activated on his phone.
I know he goes into town as he mentions that he does, eg, when he picks up stuff, shopping, met a mate for a coffee. He's not secretive about that.

He’s having an affair with a woman who lives in the town who he’s told he’s single

I mean, this is the only logical conclusion left, surely?
But if he's having an affair it would be an odd one because it would also be a daytime meetup for an hour or so at most. Surely a woman would get to be suspicious if she never met a guy during the evening nor visited his place?

You would be amazed what women will believe

Or it could be a gambling debt drug debt - who knows - but it’s something pretty big

regardless of what it is - it’s also that he’s broken your trust

Another thing I just thought of.
He would be a fool to be leading a pretend second life because our DC have lots of friends who might be in town who would definitely recognise him as they've been round our house. They would definitely mention to DD that they'd seen her dad out.

He's hiding something

Do you use his surname and if so are you on fb?

Does he have a crazy ex who he thinks may do you harm

He must be. He was so jumpy when he left me in town that time.
I'm thinking the only thing more I can do is concentrate on that particular area when he chose to leave me. He'd already been slowing down as we were walking and then we get to a point and it's like he's decided that he's not going any further. Turns on his heels, he's off in the direction we came from.
It's just a normal shopping area with shops.

We have the same surname. I don't do SM due to my job.
He is on fb but rarely uses it. There is nothing on his profile to suggest he's married.

I mean, that is something that did cross my mind. That he might be protecting me from something. It couldn't be an ex because we've been married too long. But it could be an ex affair partner.

I hate to tell you this story but I feel I should.

I was married for 26 years, the last five he was having an affair. He told me he was at work or meetings and he was with her.

But the main reason I'm telling you is that when it came out so many people had bumped into them in town, including a couple who are our oldest friends.

Because he was so brazen they all presumed it was a colleague or relative as we were 'obviously' happily married. No one thought to mention it. Or if they did he'd play it really cool and say oh for goodness sake that was X or Y from work.

As I say, I really hope this isn't the case for you, but sadly all my suspicions over the years were finally confirmed.

Then I realised that I was never being dramatic or imagining things. I think he got off on the thrill tbh.