Also had the feeling of being kept hidden

[wishingwaslucky]

I read on here recently a thread about a woman whose DH wasn't inviting her to social events and that she felt she was being kept hidden.
I wanted to summarise my own situation in case it helps at all.
Some while ago now I posted a similar question to this forum. With my DH he seemed to be avoiding being seen with me, but only in my home town. He was quite happy for us to be out together, at pubs and restaurants and outdoor activities, but only in other parts of the country/abroad.
At the time MN came up with various suggestions as to why this might be happening.
I worked methodically through each one and discounted them. For example.
I hadn't changed my appearance or put on weight, so could rule out him being ashamed of me.
He hadn't developed depression, or agoraphobia or similar because we still went together to shopping centres in neighbouring counties, pubs and restaurants further afield and on holiday overseas.
It wasn't that he was bored with the home town because it is one of the more beautiful in the UK, with plenty to do and see.
Having eliminated options, I engineered a situation where he had no choice really but to walk with me through the main shopping area of my home town during the day. It felt crazy that we hadn't really done that for probably about ten years.
He seemed edgy, walked quickly, got to a certain point, then exclaimed 'you don't really need me with you to do XYZ do you? I'll go back to work' (he's self-employed so wasn't under any time limit). He promptly turned round and basically left me standing in the middle of a shopping area.
I still haven't got to the bottom of this, but my only conclusion is that there must be someone who could potentially be in the area and that he does not want to bump into them whilst with me.
This is the only logical conclusion.

OP, every single man I have initially thought was gay but turned out not to be has then, some time later, come out as gay.

If you thought he was gay when you first met him then I would be pretty certain that he is.

What reason did he give for crying?

Surely press him on it more.. are you just managing to be normal day to day now? I couldnt manage to shut up about it in your shoes!!

Its blatantly obvious he's hiding something
I'd say, he has another partner somewhere:
Male, female, gay, bi, married, other kids.... ?
If he wont tell you the truth it has to be worse than the doubt you currently have.
Sorry

My ex was leading a double life. Told me a number of things that just did not add up. Trust your gut. He is not introducing you for a reason. His social media not saying he is married is for a reason. Him not wanting to be seen in public locally is for a reason. The crying when you confronted him but still not giving you a satisfactory explanation confirms he is up to no good. He knows you are distressed by his behaviour yet still keeps you in the dark. I would have another convo and if he cannot explain his behaviour I would seriously ask him to leave. Speaking from experience I would not waste another minute trying to be detective and accepting his bullshit behaviour.

I totally agree. But I'm so sorry you went through this too.

Sorry not the point of the thread but I have a outrages on various things including an umbrella (because it is in my handbag) and people in my office so all have iPhones don’t complain that they are getting notified even tho they will be in its vicinity all the c working day.

Maybe your dd does know something but doesn't want to tell you? Have you asked her? I'd be at the end of my tether by now and would have tortured a confession out of him. Has he got a birthday coming up? Pretend you're organising a surprise party and start working through his Facebook friends list, then his real life friends, etc etc. see what they say to you when you introduce yourself as his wife?

Wow that is seriously weird. I agree with pp, you need to force the issue. Or just leave him. Because let's face it, whatever he's hiding is unlikely to be good.

I'm invested now and need to know!
A woman I go to aquafit with found out her husband had an a fair with another fellow. They split up and the two chaps are living together happy as Larry. His adult daughter doesn't speak to him.

This is definitely a great idea

It's because your phone is near your AirTag. One is notified of an unregistered (to them) AirTag following them when the AirTag is in their vicinity only if the AirTag's owner's phone is not. If one of your coworkers were to take your tagged umbrella home or if you were to leave it at work and take off the day, chances are it'd ping them at some point because it 'knows' that you (the registered owner) is not nearby and thinks 'maybe this person in my vicinity needs to know their location is visible'.

For example, our car's AirTag doesn't 'ping' me at home or when we're together because my DH's phone is nearby. But if I drive off in the car or if he leaves in a different car, it'll ping me at some point. Makes sense, because the point of the 'ping' is to tell you that someone has possibly planted the AirTag to track you.

I still haven't figured out the timeframe. I've had our car AirTag ping me in 3 hours, I've had it not ping me until a couple of days after I've left to visit family.

There might be a clue in the examples where you were ignored. You say that both times it was the men who didn't make eye contact, but the women did look at you. One woman was unfriendly and the other woman seemed surprised.
I bet he's spun some sort of lie about you. Initially I wondered if he had painted you as disabled or as lazy, which would explain you never being seen out with him. Then, when you do bump into these people, they either don't expect it to be his wife, or when it's obvious you're his wife, they look surprised.
Would men be less likely to make eye contact with someone they thought to be a girlfriend/mistress? I don't know.
Of course the question is then, why would he spin a lie about his wife? Either to make himself look better to cover up his own issues, or to make himself more of a catch for other woman/women.
You're never going to get the truth from him so start making things as uncomfortable as possible for him, i.e. keep making him go to places with you where you are likely to be seen by people he knows.

Ooh interesting - thanks - that is so clever / am going to leave a tag at a friends house (and tell her!!!) and see when it pings her😁)

Yes, trust in the eye contact issue. I had met somebody online and by chance we bumped in to a friend of his on the street. However, the friend was looking at me with a "who's this?!" expression and he kind of nodded at me while looking at the man I was seeing. It was my so called boyfriend who didn't introduce me. I should have listened to my gut and dumped him because sure enough, he went on holiday and ghosted me! Despite acting like he respecting me. He had punctuated his near future into Before holiday, During holiday, After Holiday..... little did I know I was consigned to Before Holiday.

That friend, whose name he had mentioned a few times didn't know I existed. I did pick up on that but stupidly didn't react to it with any action of my own.

I know you're 8n a more difficult situation being married though @wishingwaslucky

Yeah, the more I think about it, the not acknowledging is really unusual.
I wouldn't dream of not introducing someone I was with if I stopped to chat to someone I knew. Let alone a spouse, I wouldn't leave a casual acquaintance standing there without including them in some way in the conversation.
That just screams disrespect.
Not a double life maybe but a double narrative?
I could go out today and tell several men I know that my husband had been physically abusing me, and I just know that they'd be 100% supportive, offer to help, probably offer me a spare room, or facilitate me getting help in some way. I'd be telling a lie of course, but I'd be getting lots and lots of male attention!

If he works with women colleagues or comes into contact with women, he's had some kind of affair which his work colleagues know about. Hence not acknowledging you. Probably feel guilty. Your P/H reacted by crying from guilt about something. It's an extreme reaction to a reasonable question.

Likewise for the op. I mean she hasn't walked through the town together with him in 10 years. Sounds like she really has fell for it.

It doesn’t do it if the AirTag’s proper ‘owner’ is with it only if there’s an AirTag not registered to you on your person (e.g. in case someone drops one in your handbag in a bar and tries to use it to find your home).

Have your friend put it in her purse at your house and then leave. It seems to ping earlier if the 'tagee' leaves the area of the 'tager'.

Be sure she understands that her location will be visible to you when she has your tag, even before she is pinged.Since she's your friend she probably won't care, but it's best she knows. In case you've never left an AirTag behind, you'll also also get a message that says "<name of Tag> has been left behind/no longer in your vicinity.Last seen at<location> ".

Funny story, when I was visiting my BFF she suddenly got notified that an AirTag was 'following her'. It freaked us both out as we'd been out shopping and worried that some 'stalker' had planted one on her. Along with the notice, you get a map of where the AirTag has followed you and it showed that it started following her at her house and followed us the whole day! After a bit of 'chickens with their heads cut off', I finally remembered that the notification allows you to make the AirTag make an audible sound so you can locate it. It was the one in my car!

This is my last 'derail', lol

Could he have an older child who works in the city centre.
Girlfriend
Could he have been arrested for shoplifting or drunk and disorderly?
Could he be banned from entering the city centre?

Well-known user of local working girls?!

Well-known user of local working girls and being blackmailed for it?!

The breaking down and hugging you saying, no, no, to me is an admission of guilt as much as any of the other examples.

I'd do what a PP said and tell him that you're going it town for lunch, all day.

If he has an iphone it will pick up an itag. But you could use a tile. Or pop another phone in his car with location tracking set up. Or use an investigator. I wouldn't be able to just leave this - you'll always be wondering.

If he cried when you told him what you thought, you could ask him what the real reason is. But if this is a big secret he's been hiding for a long time he's unlikely to be honest about it