Fiance feels it's best for me to abort

[LunaMoonKitty]

So i've just found out I'm pregnant and my husband feels it's best for me to abort. I'm 33(34 next month) DF is 32. I already have 1 beautiful DD

I was a person that would never agree with abortion. But think that if there's a good reason like what your DH has said then it will be difficult but got to be your own decision. Maybe get counselling before you decide. Just maybe say to him I might feel worse with my MH so need to talk with counsellor first.
You understand his views but he needs to give you time.

I think you know yourself he right. Will you hate him after for suggesting it?

Such a hard situation to be in.

The time for DF to have an opinion on having another DC was before he came all over your cervix.

His role now is to support you in whatever you want.

By the by pro choice isn't really pro choice if it means coercing women into abortions they say they don't want just because the timing's not perfect.

Most of us wouldn't be alive if our ancestors hadn't had us under less than perfect conditions.

By the by pro choice isn't really pro choice if it means coercing women into abortions they say they don't want just because the timing's not perfect. *

Just because the timing's not perfect? Have you read what the OP has written?

So a man can never have an opinion, because he had sex?

or is what you are actually saying is that you don’t believe women shouldn’t be entitled to a choice since they let a man ‘come all over their cervix’.

Who is cohersing Op? Op has give. The situation and asked for opinions. Some people are of the opinion that in this situation, they agree the op shouldn’t proceed with the pregnancy. Exactly, what’s the issue there?

and as for ‘most of us wouldn’t be alive if people waited for the right time’, how many children have been brought up badly, neglected, hungry, in poverty m, ended up in care or by parents who can’t cope because the parents decided their situation doesn’t really matter. Even worse, how many children have died because their parents were not in the right place to be bringing more children into the world?

I don’t think this situations need to be brought into it. But You can flip your statements both ways.

@glassfully there is never a perfect timing, but this one is disasterous. Severe mental illness, a sibling with special needs plus poverty and financial stress - is this what you think a baby should be born into?

I tried and failed to quote a PP. The bits with asterisks either side were a quote. I think a baby in this situation is a disaster for all involved.

@glassfully ah sorry, hadn't noticed the quote

Having mental health problems doesn't necessarily mean you will be a bad parent.

Being poor doesn't make you a bad parent.

Having a child with special needs doesn't mean you should never have another child.

Those who are pro choice should not be telling OP to abort her child. She has clearly said that she does not want to do that.

@channin those things don't make you a bad parent necessarily, but they absolutely will make for a challenging and hard childhood

Those who are pro choice should not be telling OP to abort her child.

I don't think many have said to abort. Many have said the partner has a point, the situation doesn't sound sustainable and he isn't an arsehole for saying so.

OP doesn't seem to have a plan for managing. Just wanting something doesn't mean it's possible. It's utterly shit that that's true but it is. There will be many people falling far into poverty in the UK and many will be parents with health concerns of children with disabilities. The government is doing less and less and parents are going to have to make very hard choices.

And your euphoria while pregnant is clearly a world away from the op

when I was last pregnant with my DD I suffered even worse with really bad depression and bad post natal depression

Did you even read the op??????

But all of those things combined make it very hard to be a good parent. OP has said her DD gets very upset at the sound of babies crying. How is she going to cope in the midst of PND with a screaming baby and distressed DD while her partner is out working in an attempt keep the bills paid?

Parenting can be challenging. Life can be challenging. That doesn't mean we would be better off dead.

My mother had a disabled sibling and an impoverished upbringing. She also has mental health problems. She is also a loving, creative, generous, intelligent, beautiful, kind, good person who is living a full life of joys and sorrows and wonder. She is an excellent mother. I'm very lucky. I'm glad she was born, and so is she, and I'm glad she had me.

I just wanted to put that perspective out there.

Fair to assume OP’s partner is more aware of the challenges they’re currently facing, have faced in the past and will very likely face with and without an extra mouth to feed better than anyone here is.

Yes I did read the op. That’s why I said ‘can’t really predict’ and ‘there is no way to know for sure’. I am giving my opinion which aligns with the op’s opinion of wanting to keep the baby and not kill the baby. Your hostility toward, and grim outlook on, life and little babies is your problem, not mine.

Beautifully said ❤️

The only thing I'm hostile towards and grim about is people with a clear agenda.

op’s opinion of wanting to keep the baby and not kill the baby

Take your forced birth shit and shove t up your arse. I hate the invasion of weirdos who don't believe in a right to choose who spam this board.

Abortion is safe, legal and available. In countries where it's not there are more abortions, they just aren't safe, legal or available. Women die.

Don't want an abortion, don't have one.

The financial market should NOT be a factor in making a decision. There is never a good time to have a baby.

how well managed was your depression, anxiety and post natal depression?

Of course it should. Children cost money, who else is going to pay for them?! They are already struggling, another child would likely put them into poverty. If someone wouldn't consider the financial aspect before having children, they aren't mature enough to be having them.

You have yourself away.

@Blablablaaaaa yes it absolutely should be

@Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious completely agree

I 100% agree with this.

I could have written OP’s post almost word for word when I found out I was pregnant with my second.

I didn’t abort. I am thankful every. single. day that I have my child and it’s made my first child (who I had been worried about, like OP with her daughter)’s life so much better too. All of our lives are better for having our second child.

Mumsnet ALWAYS pushes people towards abortions. I don’t know why. If I’d have asked MN when I was in OP’s situation I’d have aborted because everyone would have pressured me into it like they’re doing to the OP. And I’d have regretted that decision for the rest of my life. I never regret my second child even when money is tight. But an unwanted abortion would have been unbearable.

Mumsnet ALWAYS pushes people towards abortions. I don’t know why.

They don't. They just aren't blindly pro life.

I don’t think you can base your decision on either option on what people say on the internet for something like this.
Before you make any decisions you should access some appropriate counselling to work out exactly what it is you want and which would be the better option for you.

Major decisions should only be made in the cold light of day when all options have been carefully considered this is so when you look back you know you made the right decision and can continue life with no regrets.

Good luck