Dating Thread 235... Gird those loins for November

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I don’t pay. I just swipe and wait for matches to appear. I figure if they like me and they don’t come up on my matches, they’re either out of my age range, too far away, or I swiped left for some reason.

Thanks @ForestLilac

And @Mila14 she's got a bit of catching up to do 😂

I’m DEFINITELY trying to give people a chance. Some aren’t photogenic (thank you to every good man who also gave me a chance 😁), some are rubbish at texting, some don’t come across well online but sparkle in person.

This is what I mean about giving people a chance.

www.instagram.com/reel/CkqsBesJFpZ/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

From Instagram.

Thank you for this!

I’ve been lurking a bit after dipping my toes my to online dating and this really speaks to me. l I have 3 irons at the mo 🫣

one is really standing out - we’ll call him Mr Scottish. He isn’t my usual type, he is a bit older and bigger than what I’d usually go for but he is lovely to me and interested in me. We’ve had a few FaceTime dates which have gone well and we are meeting this weekend! After being in an emotionally abusive relationship it’s very refreshing to have a man tell you exactly how they feel 😊

out of the other 2 irons, one is fizzling out. He shows almost no interest in asking me anything and his answers to my questions are very closed.
The other iron is very funny and easy to talk to so we’ll see where that goes 🤷🏻‍♀️

True. I've been trying to do that and one guy that I didn't like his pose in his profile picture I've started talking to him and he's really funny and quick witted. I'm glad I didn't discount him.

I watched that video but found it hard to concentrate on what he was saying as F* me - HE IS HOT

Yeah I'd have a go on some men as long as they didn't speak. But I think that means I am most definitely shallow 😂😂😂

@Definitelycross oh is he hot? I hadn’t noticed. I watch and listen for his interesting advice on dating and relationships and totally had never noticed HIS TOTAL HOTNESS AND OH MY G……erm, where was I? Oh yes. As I was saying, I’m really not that shallow and never noticed this before.

Exactly! He’s not your usual type, he’s bigger and older, and yet here you are, saying how he’s really standing out for you!

I try to think ‘would I happily meet up for a drink with this reasonably attractive man and probably have a reasonably good time?’ and swipe based on that.

You had me worried there for a moment 😳😂😂😂

@Definitelycross 😂🤣

This guy is hot ?
what makes him hot , ( asking for a friend..), I’ve recently trimmed my beard back and I’m salt & pepper

Well I mean, I’m not shallow and appearance focused so I wouldn’t know 🤪.

But………apparently symmetrical faces are hotter than non symmetrical ones.

Trimmed beard, salt and pepper (or just salt) hair all sounds good.

Are you with someone? I saw a Miss NoShow mentioned……

At what point does a ‘thing’ go from dating/casual overnights to ‘I’m off the apps and we’re together’?

This has really made me think about my swipes, thank you!

Yes, me too! And I think the fact he’s so good looking (therefore I’m assuming his ex’s are also gorgeous) and admits that he would probably have swiped left made me think, even beautiful women can just come across as ‘wrong’ online, what to speak of the relatively ordinary men I’m seeing on apps.

Plus the men I see in my daily life may be fat or awkward or not so handsome or whatever, yet they definitely have my interest. And, vice versa, good looking means absolutely nothing if it’s not accompanied by the invisible and indescribable extras.

That’s interesting as I’ve lost some weight this year, hair now short, beard trimmed short…
can I send someone a picture ( WS, honestly! ).

only you decide as couple about apps, but, I fu*king hated them as there always a “what’s next “, element to it

You can send me one if you want. Am I critiquing it or saving it my folder called ‘hot fellas’?

I don’t like the apps as it’s the expectation of it. We’re all there for friendship and sex and touching and whatever else, but mostly we have to dress it up as ‘I’m great to have around’.

And ‘I’m so incredibly interesting, here are some of my accomplishments and niche hobbies’ whereas if you were just honest about loving sobbing around then people wouldn’t be intimidated by those very same accomplishments and niche hobbies.

I know they work etc but it’s a kind of false thing, I much prefer a meeting in the wild.

And if you met someone in a coffee shop queue (for example) you wouldn’t dream of asking ‘so what are you looking for’ as an opener, yet it’s accepted that that’s a fairly standard opener on OLD. It’s artificial.

@NoDatingForOldMen

What makes him hot?
Honesosnd very shallowly answered here

He looks like he smells nice because he looks like he looks after himself. A rebound had a big problem with one of his front teeth. Initially I didn't notice but when paired with other things that irritated me (mansplaining, drinking too much) then the teeth became an issue.

I felt like he'd totally let himself go.

Now that doesn't mean I like pretty boys - far from it but looking clean is a big turn on.

I'm a sucker for a beard too and grey hair (maybe because mine is now due to Ex).

But overall he is hot because he appears confident but not cocky.

Does that make sense?

Honesound???

Honestly I sound 🤦‍♀️

Wow thanks for the video link guys, he is gorgeous ! I will just have him please and thankyou

Get in line 😉

Now I put my hobbies on, mainly as I have a time consuming hobby (it's very unpopular on Mumsnet!) and I'd rather meet someone who liked this hobby too...
Luckily many are single, which is unsurprising really!

See I would have swiped left on my video gorgeous you are all getting off on here this afternoon. Too chissled and aware of his beauty plus I would not marry up to any of his previouses.

I swipe right on anyone who sounds interesting in their wording and isn't (to me) repulsive.

Previous now ex iron of the summer taught me that looks are less important than they used to be for me. He was tall though.

Latest potential iron MrCars I would imagine isn't everyone's cup of tea and may possibly not be mine when I meet him in the flesh but happy to keep an open mind.

Last weekends date with the very terrible MrUnion proved to me (once again) that I'm turned off by shortness but who's to say if the date had been amazing instead of hilariously not-amazing and he'd kissed me passionately would I now be thinking that I found him attractive despite his shortness. I told him I liked my men a bit grungier than his clean cut preppy ways.

But mainly if they make me laugh I'll not give a monkeys on what they look like... I'll be putty in their hands.

Hmmm. He doesn’t do it for me at all. But then, beards just don’t. At all. I’m hideously unfashionable.

I don’t mind the ‘what do you want’ talk. It’s better than tactfully trying to find out if people are single or up for anything at all.

I've followed that Instagram guy for a while too - good advice and yes I'd definitely swipe right on him (and more 😉)