Dating Thread 235... Gird those loins for November

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Yep 😂

He’s not my type…he’s sexy though. I like very tall, slim and suited profesional. Articulate and highly educated. You can see why I can’t find matches easily…I can be picky and I am. Every time I picked out of my comfort zone it did not work out. I think I’m not desperate as Mr Ex is in my life to be honest…but I’m in no hurry to lower my standards…also no tattoos …

DisappearingHelen

a mini break
wow
that’s would make me jittery too

jump in that pool 🏊‍♀️

ForestLilac

i like that video , didn’t watch the whole but the messaging is good

chat 💬 over photos

i met a guy years ago , I was with my ex but there was such a spark
yet on the apps I’d never swipe on him

actually - he’s a nationality I have a yen for so I probably would 😂

Mila14

your type is so fixed I’m actually amazed how you find so many irons (this week excepting !) !

Complete drought… patience I guess… I’m sure it’s harder when you like a particular type. You can possibly relax too as Balkan is on your side but you do have a type too. I’d like to think we will get lucky somehow 😊. I’m not ready yet to look outside what I like mostly

Any advice from experienced OLDers please 🙏

I have been talking to a man online for about 2 weeks now. We’ve exchanged photos and little video messages and also had 1 FaceTime chat, we also chat throughout the day on WhatsApp. We arranged to chat on Monday but he didn’t get in touch, apologised the next day saying he was working late, same thing happened last night and you’ve guessed it I stupidly agreed to chat tonight and he was a no show again 🤷🏻‍♀️

I sent him a message saying that he obviously doesn’t have the time or headspace for this, I enjoyed chatting to him and all the best for the future.

He’s now messaged back saying he was so nervous that he bottled it. That he doesn’t have a lot of confidence and basically is so attracted to me that it’s scared him away 🤔

He has asked to start over again. In some ways I feel like it shouldn’t be this hard so early but then again I really like him and enjoy his company.

what do you think?

I guess @PillowMist the only things you've got to lose by giving him a third chance is the kicking you might give yourself later if it doesn't proceed and this was the early red flag he wasn't a good match for you and you chose to ignore it. I'm less ruthless than others but have always ended up kicking myself.

@PillowMist I've had some trouble with an iron who I was expecting to meet with. He ghosted me a few days before then I didn't hear from him for two weeks.
When he showed back up I said I thought you'd decided it wasn't worth pursuing.
He then spent an evening being very available to me on messenger 😳 but again now I've not heard a thing from him in two days.

I wish I had the strength to just tell him where to go but I think this time I have to for my own well-being

But only you know him. One more chance then that's it I'd say.

I had a realisation that I'm changing the boundaries of who I swipe on based on my annoying levels of libido/horn switched on by a previous iron of the summer and now has me pretty much ready to sleep with fellas I wouldn't have considered even talking to this time last year...

PillowMist

Well he’s either telling the truth or he isn’t
go with your gut

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

which iron got you all horny then ?
that’s not necessarily a bad thing

it’s easy for me to say ‘go casual ‘
and there are more options thanks to OLD

but the heart ❤️ And the oxytocin

Thanks @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss & @Definitelycross

I felt a bit foolish tonight, like I’d just been waiting around for his crumbs but then we haven’t yet got round to meeting properly so at this stage he doesn’t really owe me anything 🤔

I haven’t answered him tonight. I will sleep on it. He usually sends me a little morning message from work so will see how that pans out 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mila14

i do have a type
it’s weird how many similarities (not all ways ) Balkan has with my ex

his character isn’t (way way less volatile and quieter ) but other things that would be very outing if I said IFSWIM

Yeah that's a shit feeling @PillowMist when you've scheduled it in and been looking forward.

He could be a weirdo who is just playing with you and getting off on messing you around.

They say 'match their energy' don't they and if he's truly interested he'll show you even if you cool off.

They other thing to remember is there is pretty much infinite men so you could just write this one off and find some others to have fun with

PillowMist

id go quiet for a while , then suggest a meet up
if he bails on that you have your answer
assuming you do want to meet him

I always struggle with ‘match their energy’. I seem to be MORE when I shouldn’t. Maybe it puts men off? I certainly think there is more to it when we are simply chatting, I’m miles ahead thinking of exclusivity, nights at his etc when we haven’t even met. And then the messages trail off into nothing and I take it too hard.

So my advice to you @PillowMist is to say something like ‘I’m free Tuesday Thursday and Friday if you want to meet for a drink’. And when he says they’re not good, just tell him to let you know a date he can do, and leave it there. Don’t engage until he comes with a firm day and time and place. And carry on swiping and talking to other guys. Plus, since he’s already let you down, make it somewhere you’re comfortable with going by yourself and not too far away so if he doesn’t turn up it’s fine. For me, that would be a coffee shop.

Oh god you could be talking about me!!
He owes me nothing but I still feel hurt being picked up and dropped doesn't it?

I'm so grateful for this place it's keeping me relatively sane.

Date 1 set for Saturday lunch in city with MrCars

I do that too @ForestLilac the modelling what life might be like with this person when we haven't even met yet. I like to think it's relatively normal and natural as part of the 'are we a good match' assessment process but yes does make it harder when they bin us off and the fantasy future evaporates.

MrCars has 2-3 lodgers so can't imagine how that would work. I've always dated guys who have their own solo space when their kids aren't with them. My kids generally don't go to their dads just once in a blue moon so no (ahem) private space but I guess his lodgers leave his bedroom alone (<<<< see totally jumping ahead here. I'm yet to meet this guy! 🙄🤨🤣)

It does hurt! I suppose we might get used to it and toughen up in time? Then again I don’t really want to become tough and hardened

My ghosting iron, we’ll call him MrMechanic, usually sends me a morning video because he gets to work so early but no video today ☹️ I’ve got a feeling he’s going down the whole “I want to give you space, I’ve pissed you off” route but I’ve been there and done that with those types of men. I just want someone to be upfront and say, yep I fucked up. I’m sorry.

We’ll see if he gets in touch today 🤷🏻‍♀️

@PillowMist yes I know.

I've always said with parenting boys what you see is what you get. Apparently not when they grow up.

I also agree about not becoming hardened. I was unpleasantly surprised about how naive I actually still am. And how much I believe what people tell me.

I hope he comes back to you 🤗

Oh good luck

And 😂😂😂 at planning the future. So we are all like if 🤦‍♀️

@NoDatingForOldMen do men think like that?

Careful Oncey. You are a lot worthier than you think. You can pick and decide and not hurt yourself. I’ve also done the picking guys I would never go for out of horniness or feeling lonely. I can’t do that anymore after a few mistakes. I will still do mistakes but with guys I would probably be attracted to outside OLD too
@PillowMist … it’s too early to know what’s going with him and you have not yet met in real life but …red flag and red flag

Oncey , MrCars lives with lodgers ? Like flatmares ? 😳

Well I’ve heard back from MrMechanic, apologising again, saying he doesn’t want to mess me around and that he really enjoys talking to me etc. He also said he respects my decision if I feel he has crossed a line.

I think I’m going to text him back a breezy response about the ball being in his court and see what he does with that. If the effort doesn’t step up then I’ll say my goodbyes.

Also talking to another man but he seems a bit too cheeky chappy, almost like he’d slip into ‘banter’ too easily

I totally do the jumping ahead thing @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss 🫣🤣