Dating Thread 235... Gird those loins for November

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@5thWisdom
oh yes I see what you mean - what happened to the money from his house sale did he not ring fence that?

yes marriage would have entitled him to half the assets I suppose and maybe a pension claim depends on who earns more 🤷🏼

when I split from my Ex we were not married, so we sold the house and split the equity and went own ways.

Thanks for all the useful advice guys. I know I need to be wary. Obviously the attention feels so good after a year single. But I have other things in my life that keep me happy and busy so not focusing all my energy on it.

I reckon it’s maybe one in 50 on Tinder. And IRL the only men I know who shave are those with wives who have set boundaries around stubble touching them (as I did in mine). Even Mr2Pugs had designer stubble (he said it was optional) it did actually suit him, but obviously I never got to road test it! DH’s was like sandpaper on my face. It really hurt, and I flatly refused to let it near me.

I know it’s not PC, but tattoos are a huge turn off for me. Again, people get their own choices, but I don’t have to like it. (Jeez, I’m picky! No wonder this isn’t going well!)

@Eeksteek you would love a guy I work with then, he has a really full beard and 2 full sleeves ( real not fake), took him a couple of years to get both arms covered.

I love a bearded man, a well groomed beard, and definitely not one that has cheese and mashed potato's in still from the previous day.
So Mr Nurse who is my preferred choice currently has not texted, and the last messages exchanged were after I made contact with him. Should I reach out this morning, hoping he has a fun weekend, or just leave it? I really have no idea what the best strategy is.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss no pining, I promise. You can’t when you have dogs, a job, a business and a kid anyway! But definitely less of a spring in my step. If I’m going to do this, I need to figure out a way of not getting so invested! I think we can all agree that Mr2Pugs was not run-of-the-mill OLD, but still, even I could see I was riding for a fall. I just didn’t know what to do about it. Probably fortunate it was sooner rather than later.

I’m considering sending a text saying get back to me when things settle down. I do get that his work exploded, and I know what it’s like not to be able to do even one more thing. But I worry he might think there is no way back. (Then I worry that looks desperate and bonkers in a Miss Havisham sort of way)

Thank you all for the sympathy. I may be planning a few slightly reckless and thrill seeking adventures. And therapy.

@Eeksteek I love how we're all so different, I want a man with tattoos - the more the better😍
I have a back tattoo which I'm honest about on my profiles as not all men like tattoos on women.

How was it left with Mr 2Pugs?
What was your get out suggestion and what was his response?

I'd say to let him go and don't message again, get on with life and have therapy so you're the best person you can be💖

It's hard because he's your fave but I'd personally leave it. When they're interested, they let you know, they're in contact.

@5thWisdom that is my thinking, but just needed to hear/see that, so thank you.
I do have a 1st date later, so will see how that pans out.

Yikes…how old is he? 28? If he’s over 40 it’s a resounding NO from me

I’m away this weekend but back home next weekend with NO KIDS for a week. Yayyy. I love living vicariously through the lovely people here.

Eeky…sorry to hear that but why are you not direct with him? You have nothing to lose…Do you fancy me Mr2pugs? Would you like to have a proper date with me Mr2pugs? What are you looking for ?
I think even the busiest men find time for sexy times. We all know this. Did you find him in Tinder??How can he be on tinder and have 0 time??

@Mila14 he's in his mid-40s...

Awesome stuff …so you know you are compatible sexually. Be careful not to fall hard but I who am I kidding? I was in love crazy the first time I DTD with MrEx. Totally head over heels so I think you can’t really stop yourself if he’s amazing person and better lover. Just try to date him regularly to see how it feels. If after DTD you are still messaging a lot and talking on phone HE IS IN THE SAME BOAT 😂😂😂❤️

Jesus! How on earth did he leave you with that debt? Did he ask you for money? I’m sorry you had an awful time. I think what happened to you can happen to anyone.

When I met MrEx he also love bombed madly and we were on the phone and messaging all the time. Now that we are back we text once a day and do video call like twice a week. He’s ultra busy with job and travels too to NY and Euro land. BUT… when he separated I did offer to lend him money to max out his deposit on a property he wanted to buy. He flatly refused. I offered again 2 years later as first property didn’t go through. He again refused. He’s the sort who always pays for everything we do together too. But IT COULD have been me lending my savings to someone and it could have gone to wrong too. So I have massive respect for anyone who has been swindled because no one is immune.

Oh dear…

I’m of the type that prefers clean shaven and 0 tattoos to be honest. Some people did a tattoo when they were young and regret it though, so that’s ok I think. These things go both ways…normally the guys you like do not like tattoos either.
Many profiles state they LOVE tattoos though so you can clearly decide.

Indeed. It would be a boring old world if we were all the same.

I sent a text with a mock ‘text STOP if you want to unsubscribe’ at the end. And he did. All caps, no smiley, no further comms.

@Mila14 I suppose the only thing that could improve matters is to hear that since moving in with them, this has enabled him to build up a massive war-chest I order to secure his next new home...

@Eeksteek I think that text tells you all you need to know. Next.

Exactly. I’m a mom so I’m dating a person to enjoy and add to my life. I don’t want to mother a grown up man who’s not my son. You must be pretty weird to arrive at 45 with absolutely nothing to show for

His project was testing when I met him, and since it went live he’s been working 17 hour days (including weekends) I haven’t been direct because I think if I was he’d run a mile. And because I’m impetuous and impulsive to a fault and brakes in any relationship I’m in are not a bad thing at all. I also think he’s been very badly hurt and is very cautious. Wish I had that sort of sense, frankly.

I think you are right. But not about next. I’m not ready for this, I don’t think. I didn’t mean to do it in the first place!

Eeky…He’s been very badly hurt by his wife?Is his project in banking or corporate finance? Has he got kids too? I don’t remember if you said whether he lives separately and is divorced or not? Sometimes, after divorce and with kids in the middle it is really difficult to go into a relationship. Many people just enjoy company with 0 complications. But then he wouldn’t be in Tinder…you don’t go to tinder to make friends but to find a sexual partner or love ( including sex)…

@Eeksteek that is a cracking text but what a stinger . I'm so sorry.

Well my man from Match that I was planning a physical night away, if you know what I mean? He messaged last weekend and it got very hot but then absolutely zero.

I blocked him on Match but not on my phone as I wanted to see if it was his usual pattern. Sure enough 12.15 Hi Definitelycross

I replied with the dictionary definition of Respect - his words before were I can't have sex with someone I don't like and respect. His reply? Super.

I can't believe his nerve