Dating Thread 235... Gird those loins for November

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Thanks 😊

it’s our first date and we’re going to be place that has lots of places for a drink, coffee or something to eat so can judge what we want to do depending if we like the look of each other 😂

both driving our own cars so no chance of more than one glass of wine and I will only have a few hours as my DC will be with their Nana so have a get out clause to leave early x

Now that sounds like a perfect first date plan to me @OLDstolemybrain - really hope it goes well!

Oh and the narc-ex-sex actually resonates a lot @OLDstolemybrain

I think it's part of their whole strategy. Torrid times.

No dates or chats at the moment in the offing so will live vicariously through you all this weekend. Hope it all goes well and look forward to the updates 😉

@Mumtolittleorange I'm sat with you. Not heard back from Mr A yet

Looking forward to hearing about everyone else ❤️

When did Mr A suggest the coffee for @Definitelycross ?

We didn't set a date date as I've still got the Covid but I thought I'd have heard from him.

But now worrying

But NOT worrying 🤦‍♀️

I'm not worrying

@Definitelycross go with the flow.

So Tinderella (not naming him) lives with parents. 15 year relationship, never married, never protected his assets. Views?

Elsewhere, chatted with a bloke for 3 hours this eve, only to be unmatched for asking to meet in real life. Sigh.

Oh for the love of God. I really wonder why they're on dating sites @5thWisdom

I'm definitely just going with the flow.

An earlier in the week iron Mr B has just reappeared. I'm under no illusions why at this time on a Friday but hey it's a lovely distraction.

@Definitelycross I think bored in a hotel room.

Even plausible excuses for starting again at 45 feel quite tricky to find attractive.

This is the reality. I'm not looking for anyone to financially support me. I'm stubbornly independent and am ok financially. It's just...maybe I find it difficult to relate to someone who is happy to then waft along at their parents' house, 18 months after being forced from ex's house due to no legal basis to remain. Like 2 months I could understand. But not 18 months. At the age of 45.

But yet he insists on saying it's because he's too soft and kind. Which is music to my ears.

sigh. Things are Not Going Well. Mr2Pugs is still working elleventy billion hours a day, and barely even texting. I’ve been checking in and gave him a jokey out, which he promptly took. Only I’m not sure whether he meant a step back or a dead stop. Guess I’ll have to let that one go. Shame. I suppose he might pop up again. (He really did sound shattered, but I’m not holding my breath. I can’t no confidence in a man who didn’t seem to find me sexy)

Got a couple of other matches, but nothing really catching my eye. Have unmatched one that was too far. And about to unmatch another for failing to ask a single question about me.

Do men not shave any more? They ALL have beards, and I’m not a fan of the scratching. I mean, to each his own, of course, but finding a bloke who isn’t covered in hair and tattoos seems impossible! I’m grumpy. I liked Mr2Pugs. And I thought he liked me. And I’m cross that his stupid job got in the way. And I’ve just had my flu jab, so I’m achy and tired AND I fell over and skinned my knees sprinting after an escaping dog AND I got a parking fine. AND my house buyer is messing me around. Mr2Pugs would have been sympathetic and laughed at me and I’d have felt better. Sniff, sniff. Things are a lot less fun without those little dopamine hits all day. (I know. I was over-invested. I saw it coming, too. Don’t see what I can do about it. I can’t handle multiple men time wise)

Oh @Eeksteek I'm sorry. That's rubbish :(
Those little dopamine hits and someone making you laugh and taking the mickey out of you are the best. I miss them too. Dating is hard work!

@Eeksteek - what is a ‘jokey out’ ?

Awake stupidly early so enjoying catching up with the thread. Had a follow up date last night from Tues date. I can see myself falling hard and fast, which I know is not sensible. We message alot and talk on the phone alot, but I know it's only actually been a week in real life. For now it's making me feel great. we did have sex and I didn't regret it and we have made plans for the next date so we will see.
Good luck for any weekend dates people !

@Findingmeagain Messaging and talking alot sounds full on for such a fledgling dating situation and builds a false connection too quickly. You recognise you're falling hard and fast and so you might end up hurt.

What else do you have in your life aside from him?
What hobbies and interests do you have so you don't devote as much time to messaging and talking to him?

A man should enhance your life and not be your life.

When is date 2?

@BaddogGooddoggy what's wrong with 'penis'? I just don't think it works in a sexy situation. Not at all.

@Eeksteek I'm sorry mr2Pugs is not being attentive. Maybe he'll return maybe he won't. You just don't know but best thing to do is not pine.

@Findingmeagain sex on date 2 within a week is definitely not taking it slow but who cares. There's not much you can do with these fast rollercoastery experiences than enjoy the ride but have the brace position ready in case it crashes just as quickly as it started.

My first OLD romance started the day my XH left and was a head spinning whirlwind where I forgot to ignore some vital red flags and realised four months in he was a total nob and we split. It broke me but only temporarily.

Learnt a lot. No regrets.
Well only a few (introducing him to my kids and having him join our Italian holiday being the main two)

Hold on tight and let the mothership support you during this heady time and fingers crossed he doesn't turn out to be a nob but a great bloke who's up for long terming with you.

Penis is reserved for a GP visit
if someone said “ Willy “ in the bedroom, I think my genitalia would try to re- ascend sumo style.
Dick is how you refer to someone “ that bloke is such a dick”
Knob is often used used to among other men “stood there with his knob hanging out”

I think cock is probably the most commonly used term - and has sometimes been used by NoShow,
but she has used other phrases such as “He is pleased to see me “ or “someone is happy today “ which seem less explicit somehow.

@Findingmeagain be careful, this was exactly how my (mind blowing sex) relationship with the ex narc started. Your guy may be wonderful and genuine and exactly what you are looking for. But I completely fell for the love bombing, the passionate sex and the talking/texting for hours everyday day. Thankfully extricated myself out of that one following a Claire's Law Disclosure, attending al-anon (short-lived but it made me recognise my role in the relationship) and paying off a £15k debt he got me into. True narc in all senses!!
18 months of therapy I am back in the world of OLD.

Yes I think you are probably right, as a man I do generally get to the big O ( not always) but I do try and make sure everyone has a good time ( which is slightly self-serving , as I have found that if sex is good, a female partner is likely to want more 😊 )

but as got older sex has changed from quantity to quality for me personally

Do men not shave any more?

I was at a work team do last night, about 12 of us, maybe 3 were clean shaven the rest had beards or stubble of some kind, male grooming is really big these days

It’s when you offer someone an exit from a situation.

Oh dear, none of that sounds good, hopefully 2pugs will re-emerge at some point

An pug strolls into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a whisky and …… soda.”
The bartender says, “Sure thing—but why the little pause?”
“Dunno,” says the pug. “I’ve had them all my life.”

15 year relationship, never married, never protected his assets. Views?
not quite sure I follow that, if he is not married then he is protecting his assets? No financial split if the relationship goes south.

if a woman asked to meet I would be there in a flash ( as long as I could find my cardie ), probably scared him off…, poor lamb 🐑

@NoDatingForOldMen haha, I'm obviously too intimidating for these men!

What I mean is that if he was married, he would have walked away with half. His name wasn't on mortgage after 15 years (he moved into hers after selling his), so he walked away with nothing, but the sounds of it. Marriage would have entitled him to half assets?