Dating Thread 235... Gird those loins for November

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Having got out of a very long marriage to someone who had basically created a whole other planet - we are talking telling OW his dad had to stay in hospital for a month as he'd gone blind because he couldn't see her - AKA me and his three kids being the real story.

I would definitely recommend counselling. I would never be where I am now without it. True I'm probably more of a basket case than most but I now know that and own it.

Lying is a straight red card.

Well you know how I was panicking as I messaged the lovely, funny iron first yesterday? Well I woke up to a message from him today.

I think I'm going to have to come up with some names. But he is really my favourite.

@Definitelycross thank you for this. This new man really is kind. Am fed up with myself..

Now (god I'm so good at telling others crap at listening to myself).

Stop berating yourself (see I did it above 🤦‍♀️). It takes a long time to unlearn patterns of behaviour.

I had a really good friend sit down with me and tell me all my good points. She also said that she wished I could see myself as others do. She didn't skirt around issues - not fat, hourglass. Not over sensitive- tuned into my feelings. You know that sort of thing.

She also makes me accept compliments graciously rather than contradict people who say something positive.

You sound like you've been through it but you've got a lot going for you too.

Good luck - these feelings will pass.

@Definitelycross 💐🌺🌸

It’s very hard

ive got my self esteem and self confidence in a better place

but my boundaries are SHIT
thats my 2023 project

im making better progress with friend and family and work

but men ? Achilles heel especially when I’m in a more casual setting

I totally get you.

I was chatting to a really lovely iron last night but it was obvious he wanted it to turn into sexting. But I said No, we haven't met yet. I was really proud as usually I would have thought well I've been speaking to him, have I led him on?? Do I owe him this?

NO - boundaries are great

Hell no…really athletic guy 6’3”…elegant…his dick was the size of my very tiny middle finger…SURPRISE!!! this happened to me many years ago when starting divorce proceedings with exdh.

MrEx has great legs, elegance ( 6’2”) and a beautiful face…he’s got a flabby tummy though 😂😂😂 I don’t mind at all. I used to feel very self conscious about my boobs ( very saggy tiny after pregnancies). Mr Ex fell in love with me like that. I have had them “ perked up” afterwards and he loves them but he loved them before too. It’s about feeling sexy yourself I think. Sex has always been out of this world…before with saggy tiny boobs and now with perky full boobs…fact

It's so annoying when they try to turn everything into a sexual conversation, especially when their profile reads as if they are sensible, and genuinely looking for a partner not ONS.

I think my boundaries may be too high. Straight to sexy talk? No way. It's either unmatch or if I like, remind them to cool their engines. If convo fizzles out, well we weren't on same page.

I've given up initiating conversations with matches. If they're really interested, they will be proactive and message me. (This is Tinder) If they haven't messaged by the next day, I unmatch. Next.

Oh @Mila14 that's triggered a memory of a similar situation with me some years ago. Surprise! Bigger surprise was that he then dumped me! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

No idea how things will go in that dept with MrCars when we consumate our situationship in the boutique hotel setting. Suspect we'll both be self conscious and a bit of red wine will help. I find once a glass or two have been enjoyed all neggo body thoughts disappear

Mila14

i think this was more for the women being naked

its a bit too early in the day for me to contemplate male genitalia related surprises 🙈

and also to be fair , women who’ve had kids might have their own genitalia insecurities 😊

and squeeze that core
hold hold breathe to 20 😊

I’ve worked hard on my body since dating , it hit me today the not insignificant amount of work i put in

but mental health physical health

Nothing is wrong with you. You are beautiful and lovely but you have been hurt deeply and maybe still grieving. Do you have kids with ex husband? Try to diversify your attention to friends, family and things you enjoy. Perhaps that will help you feeling better. Don’t be anxious, plenty of time to meet someone

Ladies here swear by therapy and counselling. You will be fine

I’m a gym bunny ( core and pelvic muscles furiously trained!). I love sex and do it for my OWN pleasure.
Exercising is the best investment ever for mind and body. Stick with it Worsy. I try to do at least 5 days a week. When with kids I do 7 days a week…I work better and sleep better. Mr Ex does love my body 😈

Bring on the VINO!!! Just relax and enjoy. If it’s not your thing…move on dear Oncey

I didn’t ever went on to find anyone worth it with sexual innuendos beforehand on messages. I love sex. But it’s a massive turn off to chat with a guy you have never met and he goes that route. It’s instant block for me. Sorry. I’m not a prude but I have a clear boundary there
I much rather like guys you can have an articulate conversation with and even emotional or personal but NO SEX

Your boundaries are 100% right in my book. I don’t think we are difficult 😝

Worsy…you are doing brilliant these days. I don’t know how one can get their boundaries right all the bloody time. Especially when you are meeting up for casual sex with a friend. He’s still a friend and I really admire the people that can keep that “friend thing” going properly. I only know @ibelieveinmirrorballs in that department

Brilliant news Deffy…this is exactly the guy you like so we are all awaiting iron name…mothership sends hugs…
Please try to enjoy and don’t be anxious

And another thing... (here she goes)

I wish I could draw my own 'catchment area' map - I'm in Wales and when I increase my miles, I get people from Bristol, Portsmouth, Weston Super Mare, Exeter and I've noticed NO ONE will entertain crossing the Severn bridge for a date!

I feel you.

Don't really want to out where I am but when I widen mine I get men on different land masses 🤦‍♀️

It’s frustrating because you see really nice irons out of your “catchment area”. But reality is what it is…

Right time to name them

Mr L - my favourite
Mr B - hot and funny
Mr Y - a bit young

😂😂😂

@Definitelycross I shall live my dating life vicariously through you (and everyone else here!)

What's the plan with these 3, meet up wise?

Mr L and Mr B - we are in the process but Covid 🙄

Mr Y - taking it very carefully bless him.

I'm not counting any dates until they physically happen

Wow Deffy…I shall also live vicariously since I’m off the OLD…looking great. Also I have been told Match is the most serious in term of relationships. You said MrL is in Match…the other 2 also there?
I fear MrY might not make it to the Deffydom…