Dating Thread 235... Gird those loins for November

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Mila14

Good on you! Enjoy.

@Definitelycross …we are all a bit broken after going through marriage, kids and acrimonious divorce. We are not super women and there is no super glue to make us totally whole again. We just have to be accept we are KINTSUGI ( art of putting broken pottery together with gold as glue). I accept I’m a broken but rearranged artfully.

Yes. I love that ❤️❤️❤️

Right, advice please, is 12 years younger than me too much? 😳 he seems nice and openly communicating like a grown up

@Definitelycross …you do as you feel. If he’s your type and you like him why not?. Have a lovely time with him if your heart so want

I’m too vain to choose growing older with a much younger man, but a lot of women have younger partners for life. Look at the delicious Mrs Macron!.

If I saw you online and liked your pictures/ profile etc, then I would certainly open my 1st message with something about your pup and use that as the conversation starter, I done this a few times in the past, worked well 👍🏼

@Definitelycross
if he keen go for it, take your “this must be a serious relationship” hat off and put your “let’s see where this goes” hat on.

the other thing to consider would be that if he is in his later 30’s early 40’s maybe, the women around his age might all be looking for marriage/ serious relationships etc, so he might be avoiding women in that age band

I am Kintsuki! What a beautiful thought @Mila14 - thank you for that this morning 🙂

@Definitelycross - go for it. Age is just a number and all that. There's been many a successful relationship with a bigger age gap.

Kintsugi even!!! 🤦‍♀️

Can I ask some advice from you wise dating people about the distance in miles that is realistic to set in terms of dating search ? I live in a small town in a rural area and dont have a car. I walk lots and am happy using public transport but not sure how far afield is realistic to consider. I am quite independent and wouldnt want to rely/expect them to do all the driving around etc. Think initially I had it set to 20 miles but not sure if that's too limited. Been chatting to someone I think has real potential but is 35 miles away. Also I have my children 90% of the time, they are old enough to be left without a babysitter but not over night so I need to be able to get home a reasonable time (before midnight cinderella style) They only stay with their dad one night a week each and not at the same time which is a complete pain and I have brought it up several times ! (He does rolling shift work so can not have a system of set nights). He is getting to live the single life and I can't ! Sorry to vent ha.

Thank you @Definitelycross & @Mila14 - you have both explained exactly how I feel and made me feel better about it

At the beginning I thought he was so different. There was lots of communication, sharing things about ourselves etc. Not afraid to say I got suckered in a bit because he seemed so different to my exH

I had a bit of a cry last night just in frustration about how my exH has swanned off to start again and I’m left like this. But today is a new day and I don’t feel so silly about communicating what I need. Even if he has just completely ignored that 😂

@Findingmeagain
maybe you need to reverse the question and think about how long it would take you to get home if you were 35 miles away ?
Would a taxi be an option, ?
the other thing of course is meetings are usually on neutral ground somewhere equally distance for both of you, so realistically 15 to 20 miles?

I get you. I really resent how my ex is happy and settled. I remember saying that when we first split. I said to him that it wasn't hard for him at all. He was going home to someone, he woke up next to someone. He had everything.

But now I just think he can go f* himself. I hate that he's still affecting my life.

@NoDatingForOldMen I'm going for it. He seems very nice. Definitely a lot more manners than guys I've been messaging before. So, yes, a bit of fun.

OLDstolemybrain

I can imagine that when you feel shit you assume ex is having their best life . It must be hard doing it with someone looming . I think you need to set yourself some ground rules about inerface with OLD and stress

don’t get me wrong I have HUGE baggage
but both me and ex are single (or not in anything serious , he probably shagging when he can and I have on off FWB, today off as I upset him this week 🤨 )

I don’t have much useful advice , but I fo think proactively making plans so you feel good (OLD aside ) is critical

I’m in a rancid mood today
youngest is sick 😷 and demands more care and attention than a fucking ICU patient
he’s also quite sick

It's good to know that there are some parents here in a similar position to myself. I have my children - both early teens - all the time as my ex is abroad and not interested.
I think in these circumstances it can be hard to take everything lightly. Emotionally and financially dating is an investment for me. Babysitters need to be arranged and paid for anything outside school hours. I'm lucky though that I work for myself so often try to meet up during the daytime. I've learnt that dating teachers doesn't work 😂

Mumtolittleorange

same . My ex is abroad
overall I’m 100% pleased he’s away and when he sees them it’s a holiday and they like it there
Also as he doesn’t acknowledge some is asd 😬

but I have my days ….

if not drinking and fairly local I leave my two home alone for a few hours

is that an option for you ?

Definitelycross mine is dead and still affecting my life. I’m furious that I have to be on top of what’s my growth, what’s scarring from a long term relationship with a raging narcissist and what’s my own character flaws. I am though. I WILL NOT let him jeopardise my happiness.

@Eeksteek I'm so sorry

Well, this is a turn up for the books. I seem to have acquired an iron let's call him MrToy - he's messaging a lot. Seems to have a sense of humour.

But I'm determined not to get ahead of myself.

@Definitelycross …is this the younger guy? Wooo hoooo!!!

Yes. I'm throwing caution to the wind

@Definitelycross …ok …you must ABSOLUTELY REPORT TO MOTHERSHIP…jealous moi

Haha don't be @Mila14 but he is a bit easy on the eye.

Just in the middle of all that an old iron, one that I'd kicked off at that he was only after one thing messaged me. Out of the blue.

It doesn't rain but it pours 🤷‍♀️

@Definitelycross …CUFFING SEASON my dear 🥸…

Sorry I don't understand

I'm thinking are they on heat?? 😂😂

Eeksteek

wow , so your ex was a narcissist and then died

that’s tough , as all the kids now 1000% on you
how did the kids take it ?
im so sorry x

@Thisisworsethananticpated My son is ASD too and my ex also doesn't recognise it 🙄 I can't really leave my two together. They are 13 and 12. Hopefully when they're a little older. We live pretty rural too so it's a car journey to anywhere.

@Eeksteek that's rough. I'm sorry. My ex is a narcissist too. Really did a number on me and the kids 😬

Still lamenting the loss of Mr Fish today and had a few tears.