Dating Thread 235... Gird those loins for November

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Fresh update on the homewards train from a lovely date with MrCars. Slightly awkward and no chat to begin with and a long hand holding stroll to an elusive restaurant he'd found and booked through a dodgy neighbourhood but then found it beautiful little sushi place where the owner was the waiter. Some beers and v light kissing and plans for Date 3 and now homewards.

Oncey …Lovely date 😍

Not sure @Mila14 well yes it was lovely and I guess I wouldn't have been kissing him if i didn't fancy him but I'm not sure that I do 🤷‍♀️

He didn't ask Qs but we had two way chat.

It was not pant-dropping

I'll see him again to check more of the physicals. I think he's a classic geeky batchelor fella (my family is full of them and I work with hundreds of them) possibly slightly on the spectrum.

He thinks I'm 110% wunnerful which usually (and completely stupidly hence starting therapy this week) is a turn off (as seem to only be attracted to bad or emotionally unavailables) but I'm running a curious experiment to see what happens with a fella who I like, is very attentive, not my usual sort physically....

Im ashamed to say the loaded, childless and unmarried aspect is a factor in his favour. Have seen his Facebook feed and can see his exes are very beautiful.

Really interested in how this pans out for you @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss Try to keep an open mind. I, too, always seem to gravitate even subconsciously to the emotionally unavailables and also started therapy (again) this week!

I'm still grieving the loss of Mr Fish who admitted to being unavailable a couple of weekends ago. I fancied him like mad and we fitted together so brilliantly that I was prepared to overlook the fact that he wasn't yet finished with his divorce 🙄 That one bit me back rather hard. Keep randomly bursting into tears. Got to keep looking forward.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss sounds fabulous keep that mind open.

Thanks to here loads 🙏

I've been reflecting and I went on a date with someone who told me very clearly he wasn't looking for a relationship and it was a 'friends' date. I had a great time
But
He separated from his wife due to him cheating. I was cheated on.
So why am I so attracted to him? He made me laugh so much and made me really comfortable.

We messaged back and forth but I told him the balls in his court. Of course I've not heard anything. I wonder if he tells the sad side of his story and that he's unattainable then it makes women chase him.

Also, why do I want someone who acted just like my ex???

But I'm very proud that I haven't messaged him.

Totally get you 🤗

@Definitelycross it's noticing these patterns isn't it. Mr Fish made me feel super comfortable but there were little alarms going off in my head that reminded me of my ex. That's what instigated my second bout of counselling this week and is also, no doubt, why I'm so incredibly upset over the loss of a relationship that was only a few weeks old. It's triggered a lot of stuff to work through but identifying it is more than half the battle 🙂

@Mumtolittleorange …many people are separated and living separate lives in different homes but not yet divorced. Joint assets where kids live, medical insurance…many reasons for that. If he’s financially separated, lawyered and everything sorted with who keeps what and maintenance and visitation rights that’s good enough I think.

@Definitelycross …I don’t understand why he’s not available, presumably he is separated from his wife and living apart. Did he have kids too? If he’s dating he probably has his affairs sorted isn’t he? I can’t believe people dating when they are not really available…annoying

@Mila14 Completely agree. Every relationship and person is different.

In Mr Fish's case, he was still only a matter of weeks into the divorce process and yet to even arrange the financials. His (ex)wife and he led separate lives in separate rooms but were still sharing the house and parenting their two kids who also hadn't been told yet about the divorce. It was very early days and it felt a bit like having an affair with all the secrecy which was rather uncomfortable.

That is crazy @Mumtolittleorange . I’m very glad it’s over even if you are hurting. Kids don’t even know and they are living under the same roof… there’s something very fishy about Mr Fish…as in he’s totally married!! I don’t think it’s right to date like that unless you want a FB or a FWB…but a RELATIONSHIP…hell no!

I know. I feel a bit foolish about it. It felt wrong. My friends warned me off it and it was very stressful. It's good it's over, as you say, but it has left me bruised and sad. A lesson learnt!

Oncey…I think it’s great getting out of our comfort zone sometimes. Only you can judge if there is chemistry there. I see absolutely nothing wrong with being with a super wealthy iron. Just enjoy it if you fancy him. Best restos and champagne. What’s not to like.

I don’t date guys with no kids…I’m in teenagerland agro world and that dominates a huge part of my life. Some jokes and understanding comes from being with other parents. Most of us can’t live a life dedicated to ourselves fully when we have kids. I might revise this of course but right now it’s really difficult 😞

Yep separated for years - like over 20 and relationships in between.

I do feel it's a case of playing the - I'd only hurt you card. Can't say he didn't warn me then can he? And of course don't we all think we can 'fix' people.

I've just met with a friend and talked things through and realised a lot of things. It's an ego thing and I've recognised the pattern in me. I don't think I have enough self confidence and any attention is a positive.

I need to realise that my worth is not measured by mens' attention. Also I'm a good catch - it's just believing it now.

You will get better seriously…you can date a nicer guy and with less issues. If you want a partner not a FWB, focus on what you want not what they want. Everyone is looking for different things here

Please don't feel foolish - this game is so hard 🤗

@Definitelycross …over 20 relationships after separation? How long has he been separated 😳…mind boggles…is he only seeking “ friendship” with those other 20 women? Have you thought he’s perhaps in love with someone or in a relationship but still needs other women attention??

@Mumtolittleorange …nobody feels foolish here please…I dated a guy who was 10 years older than what he said, didn’t work on what he implied, used viagra without telling me and was like a rabid bunny with a wobbly semi hard penis and didn’t even had the education level he said… I felt like a total numpty but I realise we can ALL be fooled. Don’t worry.

No sorry that's my bad grammar.

He's separated over 20 years with a couple of relationships in between.

I think you're right though he is pining after someone else. But in my opinion don't put yourself on dating apps if you're not wanting to date 🤷‍♀️. He's said he's come off them now. But seriously why go on there in the first place.

Do you know what makes it worse? I reckon if he contacted me I'd go back out with him. Stupid but true

That's so interesting @Mila14 that you have a no-no for fellas with no kids.

I had a bit of a 🙄🙄🙄🤨🤨🤨😡😡😡moment with MrCars on the phone as I went to the supermarket to grab requested snacks for my (anorexic and over achieving academic super star) teen. 'Why can't she bake some jam tarts instead of getting you to buy them? What can't she have a nice solid meal instead of all these sugary snacks?'
HAVE YOU EVER MET A TEENAGER?
(And also we're also all about getting easy straightforward calories into her)

I put an immediate ban on talking about my kids...

@Definitelycross you are a great catch, keep repeating that if you need to!

What is it with lax textuals? Date a week ago, messaged and said he'd like 2nd date (but dull but thought worth a 2nd in case he was super nervous). Nothing for a week, saying he'd been busy... Is this normal?!

Other iron: texts and rings regularly but think a bit old in his ways. Seriously considering staying single!

Mumtolittleorange

aw . I bet he’d be available for
some rampant sex
but he probably sensed you wanted more and got fearful
it’s sad when you like someone that much

but good there are people out there

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

sounds like a nice slow burner
I hope that this grows and chemistry does x

used viagra without telling me and was like a rabid bunny with a wobbly semi hard penis

you have a way with words mila 😂