Dating Thread 235... Gird those loins for November

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

That's a strong move @Slothmomma good for you not dragging it out.

A perfect time of year to not be meeting strangers on street corners in my opinion and you have some important other commitments. Enjoy focusing on you and yours for a while.

Too many updates for an old man to follow
@Slothmomma sorry to read about Mr Medic, but probably the right thing
@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss if you don’t want Mr Cars, iI will deffo have a bromance with him, love old cars.
as for the money, I generally out earn my partners, it’s more about the effort and gesture than the money

break with NoShow good, we were with some of her old friends for a night out, I had a feeling I was being scrutinised and judged by several people, a bit odd really, !

also to steal term “bonkathon”, NoShow seem to want lots of sex ( no complaints), but I’m sore through shagging…, this is too much for an old man. 😂

Excellent update @NoDatingForOldMen and yay for bonkathons (but boo for soreness - more lube next time maybe or is it an all over body workout type of soreness - either way hope you rejuvenate quickly).
Thanks for the thoughts on money disparity but effort and thought.
I'll tell him it's my treat next time we meet to eat (and choose a far less fancy restaurant 🤣)
He's met his match with petrol nerdiness. I can't get enough of his chat of cars and how they work. Hope I get invited for a spin in one soon!

Yes to lube, after the incident of the frenulum split, lube is an essential item for any bedroom related shenanigans these days, we dtd 4 times over the weekend and I see she was angling for number 5, but I had to bow out with grace.

Definitely go a spin, old cars are so much more fun the new ones

Catching up and have opinions to share (which you may feel free to ignore/disagree with!):
@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss karaoke as a date sounds freaking awesome. Did you/will you?

@ibelieveinmirrorballs open is something I’m investigating. Finding the right situ to open is hard though. Hope it’s an interesting experiment?

-carol vorderman: she still seems so cool to me. But @NoDatingForOldMen , I bloody hate it when youngsters call me an ‘older woman’ or a ‘cougar’. Total turn off, so when you chat her up be cool!

-the time to date thing is interesting. I’ve never asked it but I have met guys who don’t have/make time to date. It sucks. Time to sext, no time to make an effort. Ugh. So sometimes I guess it’s cause they wanna be the priority (unfairly). Sometimes I think it might be cause they’ve been burnt before like me!

hope everyone has a good week. I’ve my flatulance free mini break this weekend but lots of other irons in the fire so feeling positive. I’m sure one or two of them will ruin it by being dicks though!

Oooooooo how was the mini break @DisappearingHelen great news it was flatulence-free! Bravo.

That's now my biggest fret re latest iron if we do proceed to boudoir explorations. And the snoring (mine) which wasn't mentioned in twenty years of marriage nor two years of various young teens deciding to sleep with me in my bed.
It's now my most excruciating area of self-consciousness along with quite a few others.

@DisappearingHelen I’m a bit fascinated by it as I’ve certainly never been brave enough to articulate my needs/wants honestly before, and even though I’m being open about it it’s not without issue. I still struggle a bit with guilt but am feeling my way with that. In my case all that happened was that when it became time with MrN to have “the chat” about coming off apps etc I told him I had an ongoing FWB type thing with an ex and didn’t really want to stop it, although he was the priority so if that was problematic for him we could discuss it.

Most recently I needed to have a call with MrN before he went away for a month, and could only do that whilst spending the weekend with FWB, and that gave me a bit of anxiety.. in the end was honest about where I was and it was fine. MrN is not in a straightforward situation himself although is monogamous to me - he still cohabits with and has not financially extricated himself from ex wife and this plays a part in my not wanting to give up my friendship with my ex.

Weekend away plus lots of other irons in the fire sounds good - flatulence risk notwithstanding 😆.

Slothy…it’s the right thing if you can’t feel it’s right for you. You have a lot to do now and kids and studies so a good break is just fine

Oncey…I haven’t yet liked any guy under 6’2” although I went for date with one who said he was 5’11” ( erm…no). Height is a thing for me and I know it’s silly. I don’t know what the right thing is regarding money. I suspect I’m wealthier than some dates but normally they have all paid although I offered. Mr Ex has always paid everything through the years and is wealthier than me so that’s a no problem. I have never had to rise the who pays thing. Mr F is a lot wealthier too so that was a no brainier either. He texted me. He wants to stay friends and get together for brunch or movie etc, since we are locals…he’d like to keep me in his life…sic…Right now, I think I can’t really see anyone else but MrEx but I am still open to surprises… I can’t feel 100% invested until I see a lot more

Howlongy… this is a bit outing but MrEx has one of those James Bond cars… I know absolutely nothing about cars and only worry about boot size for my luggage 😂😂. I can barely drive …Things are going excellent with Mrs Show. Seriously. 4 times weekend is what I like too. I think she does REALLY FANCY YOU… I can only do that with Mr Ex because he’s great lover and I fancy him madly. You need to start relaxing a bit and fully enjoy she’s REALLY INTO YOU. Sex this good and often is good glue for a relationship. I also find it ok you’ve been introduced to friends.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs …you are absolutely wonderful. It’s really great you are managing to have these 2 interesting full relationships with 2 great guys. It works and you have the head space not to go clingy and over invested.
I’m too old fashioned traditional Euro and I can’t compromise so I will probably end up alone with cats 😂😂😂
@DisappearingHelen … enjoy and don’t worry too much. I’ve had fart incident while asleep with MrEx…he didn’t care one bit and I was mortified.
I also snore!!! I’m sexy though 😝
We worry too much really. Super good luck with next irons. Keep the mothership updated

@DisappearingHelen

carol vorderman: she still seems so cool to me. But @NoDatingForOldMen , I bloody hate it when youngsters call me an ‘older woman’ or a ‘cougar’. Total turn off, so when you chat her up be cool!
I’m not super keen on the term cougar , (or player ), as they both have negative connotations, but Carol V is a both woman and is older than me, so maybe “a woman older than me”.
but you used the term “youngsters”, rather the “a person younger than me” 🤷🏼.

and for the record NoShow snores like hell and now it seems also farts in her sleep

@ibelieveinmirrorballs the entire open thing really fascinates me, I think if things with NoShow go south I would look to something more along those lines maybe.

How would you feel if Mr N was also seeing other women?, or your FWB has other friends he sees ?.
I feel the entire dynamic of that situation is a bit of a balancing act.

Thanks both... I don’t really know what I’m doing but what I do know is that I have two great guys treating me really well and lots of amazing sex so try not to moan too much about how hard it is 🤪 Although one of them is under 6’2 so…. 😉

@NoDatingForOldMen I think I would be okay with it if MrN wanted to do that; I’d certainly know I’d have no right to challenge it. What it brings up for me - which is hard - is an in built fear that if someone was to be able to sleep with someone else, it is somehow a sign I’m not enough or there’d be a risk they’d go off me. But I know what I’m experiencing myself with that is the knowledge that I think very highly of both FWB and MrN and liking one doesn’t mean anything about the other. So perhaps experiencing that for myself will help me with my own abandonment issue.. who knows! I do know that it must be much harder to do this if you try opening up an existing long term relationship to try to bring excitement in, as I think this would likely lead you to favour the new over the old. In my case FWB is the “old” and MrN the new…

Ohmygoodness missed so much here.

Right - I snore so, so badly and it's a huge barrier to spending the night with someone. Ex always made such a big deal of it.

Farting- I probably do in my sleep too 😂

Sex - I had an ex (not husband) and found that I wanted it far more than him. It made me feel like a real sex pest. Never want to feel like that again. So, yes, be careful how you stop it if you see what I mean?

Talking to an iron last night and he described me as an 'older woman' ffs I'm only 4 years older than him. But he then started asking what I liked. I don't know but it feels so immediate on apps - sex that is.

I had another iron who was upfront that he wanted to be a sub in the bedroom. I don't know why but again it turned me right off.

I'm still pissed off that I seem to have really messed up with the 'just friends' guy. I so enjoyed his company and it filled a nice gap in my life.

I'm beginning to think that I will end up alone with cats. I'm actually not bad looking and good company but my pond is too small 😞😞😞

@Definitelycross …we will talk cats in the future then 😂😂😂 I feel like you …But let’s keep dating in the hope we will find someone lovely I think 😊

@ibelieveinmirrorballs …I think my biggest problem is I don’t want to throw away my chances at growing old with a nice partner and love.. in a way, I could settle for a nice relationship although with the chance of it being non exclusive but I age and I feel these are my years to meet a potential partner. I know it’s fucked because I can’t just enjoy really nice guys and having lovely sex and time together because I would be thinking time is passing by and these hook up nice relationships will end eventually. Leaving me stranded and even older. Sorry for venting but this is a thread where I can be honest. I don’t want to grow old alone

😂😂 @Mila14 I have one already so I'm on my way.

Ohmygoodness one of my irons has just crossed the line with a message I was definitely not happy with.

Right I'm 55, how come most of my 'likes' seem to be only for sex???

I totally get you. A hundred percent.

Yes. This.

I've decided I don't want to share a bank account and a house any more. But I want to be exclusive. But I want that space to spend time being me and being available for my kids (all grown up but that doesn't change things).

@Definitelycross …send him packing. I already now I can get laid easily. One idiotic sex message when we haven’t even had a coffee together is a NO WAY in my book.

Yep. Blocked. And spelled out on my profile.

I don’t want to share bank account or house either @Definitelycross but I want exclusivity, love and future. That’s clear

Yes. And I don't think that's too much to ask for. I think at my age men tend to have grown up kids like I do so blending a family would definitely be difficult.

But Friday night showed me what I do want and what I absolutely don't.

My head is a lot clearer.

@Definitelycross ..excellent. The real deal is to know what we want and try to stay in our lane I think

Tough though isn't it?

We’ll be fine…if no man, friends cats and grandchildren hopefully 😂😂😂…

Fascinating, thank you very much for the insight.
I certainly think I would be open (no pun intended), for something more along these lines if NoShow and I split, I don’t really see getting back into an exclusive relationship again if this one ends ( all things being equal)

@Mila14 don't get me wrong, I don’t want to grow old alone either - but I don’t think having open relationships makes that less likely. 🧐 Although perhaps it would if by having an open relationship you stopped yourself getting emotionally attached with anyone. I have no real plan as to what I’m doing though so am not going to bang the drum for ENM as a solution to my ir anyone else’s issues. This midlife dating game is hard going, that’s for sure.