Dating Thread 235... Gird those loins for November

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Yes @Mila14 he's loaded. Has a big house with Ukrainian and Romanian lodgers. An an occasional globe trotting granny lands with him over winter (not his).

I quite like a communal living set up so this doesn't concern me just curious about it at the mo (and I haven't met him yet anyway!!!)

I would say no really, much more one day at a time, certainly not the level of thinking ahead alluded to.
I sometimes wonder what I should have for tea, that’s pretty exciting stuff.

in the relationship world I think men are much more go with the flow and see what happens,…, maybe she like me, maybe not…, wonder if I can get her into bed, ..?
regular stuff really

David Bowie on the radio, I bet he was a planner and a thinker.

I think I might have a biscuit with my coffee, now that’s Rock & Roll

Good plan @PillowMist

Thank you @NoDatingForOldMen

It's great to have a man's perspective.

And yes I was just listening to Bowie - Heroes. Perfect music.

i Know a few loaded people with big houses. None of them have lodgers but if you like communal living this guy is definitely right for you. You enjoy talking to him and there’s good communication between you guys and that is the key I think

I had to unmatch my only match in 2 weeks…he said “ I’m cheeky and naughty and don’t take myself seriously “ … the other idiocy was CEO at CEO. That normally means they own a dry cleaning place or something or are personal trainers working for themselves… OLD is a minefield and I am very pessimistic about it now… perhaps it’s time for me to stop and just see Mr Ex for a period. I’m mulling but will update the mothership whatever I end up doing

I love watching reaction videos on The inter web.

”that man can sing his fiddle-sticking butt off”

So glad I am not the only one who jumps straight into fantasy romance with a total stranger ! Also, I don't mind making the first move but am trying to hold off over texting and coming on too strong.

That might be a good idea @Mila14 stay off the apps for the wintertide and see how things roll forward with MrEx until the spring when you'll have enough intel to know whether it's a go/no-go for a potential rebuild with him. And if it's not a go, set each other free, lick wounds and proceed back on the apps to continue to seek a replacement model for life-partnering...?

Fab advise Oncey. I’m seeing him tomorrow and spending quality weekend time. I’m just happy I can get fab time and awesome sex with someone I love until I feel ready to date again. I’m planning my Christmas with kids and family and having a low key NYE.

This is a constant on this thread…we all lose our rag at some point and think too much of an iron. It’s good to hold off. And it’s good to question the over texters and the non texters too
Onwards and upwards 😊

Right I need guidance

I have an iron that I've had lots of messaging fun if you know what I mean.
I haven't heard from him since Monday. But I heard from him this afternoon and it's obvious that's the only reason and he's admitted it. I've said I'm not going there as I want some respect. He's just told me to relax but that's irritated me more. What to do?

AND I'm meeting what I thought was an iron for drinks and something to eat tomorrow night. He's made it clear that it's as friends only. I was mortified at first that I had got it wrong but his messages this week were so funny. So I'm going into it with no expectations at all which is quite freeing.

Any advice?

@Definitelycross

He's just told me to relax but that's irritated me more. major moron…I would have blocked already

The one that only wants friendship is a waste of your time unless you are looking for only friends

Sorry to be harsh but there must be better guys out there for you

You're not harsh at all

The first one is going nowhere.

The 2nd one is good fun though and I've no other plans so I'm still going with him.

As far as better? Not yet anyway. 🤷‍♀️

@Definitelycross …you never know. But I like the friend one a LOT more than pushy guys. It can be fun and develop nicely. And slowly.

I agree.

I think it'd be nice to have someone to go out for a drink sometimes.

I feel harsh I matched with someone on bumble but then noticed he's a regular smoker so I immediately unmatched.

Definitelycross

both sound like time wasters
move on
you’ll be chatting to two new ones this time next week ! Nicer ones

No I think Mr Friend is worth meeting.

I've deleted the Mr messenger

Mr Friend can be a surprise but be warned @Definitelycross … he maybe disarmingly charming, fun and lovely and still only want friends… keep yourself safe emotionally

I will.

My guard is up very high

Another 2 hour fun phone chat with MrCars. Have been constant texting too. I just can't sit on my hands and not do it. I'm my own worst enemy.

Not at all nervous about meeting him. Not excited either. Well a bit excited. Just calm and looking forward.
He picked a nice fancy restaurant but would you believe it was the same one I ended up with old ex iron of the summer Mr Art on our first date. So I've told him I can't eat Italian which is true.

He's suggested we go to a karaoke place for an hour where you book a room and sing to each other for a bit 🤣🤨 Given I love singing and my XH used to ban the radio being on this is an interesting (and hilarious) suggestion. He's a singer in a band so maybe he thinks he'll croon his way into my heart🤔

Got the bottom of the lodger situation. They are both only there Mon-Fri for work then go home at weekends. Big house. No queues for bathrooms or untidy kitchen.

Good luck weekend dating people. I was really excited about tonight's date but last night messaging he did mention not being long out of a break up and still processing which has given me a little niggle. We will see !

All sounds good @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss - nothing to be ashamed of re having lodgers... it's a perfectly normal thing to do if you've got a house with spare rooms and following separation/divorce when you might not have as much money coming in. I had lodgers for a few years while rattling around in our London house before selling and it was a fantastic experience for my DC - people and families come in all different shapes and sizes and people who are open to that fact of life are more my kind of people.

I'm going to give you a virtual finger wag though and say don't get too over-invested..! Remember none of these prospective irons are people you know AT ALL until you've seen the whites of their eyes and seen how they treat waiters or bar staff. I am like you in that I also tend towards the fantasising and filling in the blanks and I think it's all well and good as long as you realise that's exactly what it is. Even if you seem to have loads in common, both have identical senses of humour, and bought the same first 7" single in 1981..... it all means nothing if they're all over the place and would rather buy a one-way ticket to Brazil rather than have a vaguely challenging emotional chat.

I don't have much to report - still seem weirdly to be in some form of consensual open relationship which I've never done before and is making me feel slightly at sea. I'm holding onto the fact that Carol Vorderman went public about her similar situation a few weeks ago and admitted to having a few "special friends" who all know about each other, one of whom calls her from the space station to catch up

Appreciate the finger wag @ibelieveinmirrorballs it's often needed. But not here. I'm not over invested for one main very shallow reason: looks.

Although the guy seems very me (and by that I mean in talking to him I've realised things about myself I never thought were quirky before but seeing the same trait in another makes me realise they are) and unusually gets my job as does a similar one which is a tremendous bonus I hadn't realised. The one thing I enjoyed with the dire XH was the ability to discuss complex work challenges and come up with an answer.
There's a strong chance I'll not find him physically attractive which seems to be very much keeping the over-investment at bay and the principle of 'We'll see....' strong.

Will report in post-date.

No idea what to wear. Skirt, chunky boots and a t-shirt and leather jacket if temperatures allow. Really do not want wear huge dog walking coat but also do not want to be cold which is exactly why I said I'd hit pause on dating for winter!
I really am my own worst enemy...Nothing ventured nothing gained though.

This is what is keeping me back a little until I meet MrMechanic, he isn’t my usual type physically but there is something that keeps drawing me back in. I’m a single mum and he isn’t phased in the slightest. I had one iron question whether I had the time to date him if I have my kids most of the time!

I’ve been looking for a warm coat which is stylish too. I shouldn’t be thinking ahead but have thought that I can’t wear my big puffer coat out for dinner 🤔 Skirt and chunky boots sounds fab!