So fed up and think I give up on men

[Missillusioned78]

I am 44. I would really like a fulfilling equal relationship.

The only man I have met who interests me treats me as someone to ring on the way home when pissed.

I have a full life of work, friends, hobbies and my wonderful children. I am not rich but getting by with my home. We are happy.

I am SO disappointed with men. Don’t know whether to just give up

Not what I expected, no.
I was fully prepared for absolute no for dating women older than you.

Actually twister has a big view on the system and direct experience of fathers who can be abusive and still get access to children
who can manage companies and pat themselves minuscule wages and avoid child support and get away with it in court and of fathers who take zero interest in their children during the relationship and the. Use the courts to hurt the mother
it Is EXTREMELY a difficult for mothers and children who have been abused to be protected from these men because the courts are so heavily skewed towards fathers having access NO MATTER how bad they are

I have no issue with good parents having access but I’m so sick of this rubbish narrative ( mainly by 18 yr old boys who have no clue ) that the courts are somehow against dads .. NO they are not !!!

how about all the dead beat dads
how about the dads that abuse their wives and kids what’s your opinion of that sitting

That was for talon

I wouldn't waste your time. Most of them are a waste of space at your age. The good ones are married and the rest are rejects.
It took me years to realise that. I. Happily single at 60 and never waste my time on them.

Bisexual women (and the bi men I've met) can assure you women tend to age better. They take better care of themselves. That (among other reasons) is why they can 'get sex' (assuming they want sex with random strangers- and why not, if they do).
The manosphere geezer on here (sitting cat, is that the name) outed himself very quickly by the thing about women's apparent obsession with men 'over 6ft' and then some concerning burbling about feminism 'telling' women in their 20s they should sleep around and with his statistical brilliance he has calculated that this sleeping around will be to the benefit of all those super hot super successful peter pan 40 somethings can snap up the dirty little things. Or whatever he's blethering on about from his bachelor pad

*who can. Eh whatever. It's odd how rich dubai businessmen like his so called uncle have managed to snap up mini Kim kardashians, just as if biology was dictated by the inevitable laws of 'the market'.

BTW older women with their own means get an awful lot of younger gay/bi women and also younger men and guess what, they are quite often not only looking for sex. Turns out that people who don't have security and power on the whole seek out those who do. Who would have thunk

Bestcatmum yes agree and also since 50 hit I've had no interest at all in any of them even for sex. Which is such a relief.

I'm 37 (did a very small amount of online dating when I split from my ex DH at age 29, which never amounted to anythingmore than a chat or coffee because they) and basically decided straight away I had no interest in dating/casual/otherwise.

Jesus fucking Christ. If I wasn't feeling down about dating and myself I do now...

Why would a woman in her 40s with children and a decent enough income to run a household and raise children by herself have "very little" to offer a man?
I can tell you that having a good career, raising children and running a household alone takes many admirable character traits: self belief, tenacity, creativity, confidence, independence, mental and physical strength, selflessness, resourcefulness and a bloody good sense of humour. All of which I find very attractive indeed in a potential partner.
In addition to all the other wonderful traits a 40 something woman, or man for that matter, may have.

If what @SittingCat writes is true, then I truly give up. What's the point?

Posted too soon...

I'm 37 (did a very small amount of online dating when I split from my ex DH at age 29, which never amounted to anything more than a chat or coffee because they were all pervy/fake/married or I just wasn't interested. An alarming number were the first categories) and basically decided straight away I had no interest in dating/casual/relationship. I like my life as it is and can't be bothered with any of that especially since I already had a crap marriage. No thanks to seconds.

Don’t feel down
red pillers want women to feel crap about themselves as they get older by telling them they are somehow less than ir ‘losing value ‘ . They want to encourage women to date down and out uo with crap or date fixer uppers
Know your value and hold your own beliefs . Any man who doesn’t value your accomplishments it thinks a woman’s youth and beauty is her primary asset is not the sort of person you want around so see it as a good screening tool and you’ll attract the quality type of people who don’t think like that 🌸

Why would a woman in her 40s with children and a decent enough income to run a household and raise children by herself have "very little" to offer a man?
I can tell you that having a good career, raising children and running a household alone takes many admirable character traits: self belief, tenacity, creativity, confidence, independence, mental and physical strength, selflessness, resourcefulness and a bloody good sense of humour. All of which I find very attractive indeed in a potential partner.

It's a lot to offer but you just need to read through some of the posts on mumsnet about problems with step children/step parents. Some probably will walk away from that potential issue. Parents rightly put their children first, that can be a potential issue especially if their is the potential to find a relationship without that issue.

If someone's been long term single I suspect they're just getting on with their life and not bothering with dating. Possibly more so for men as women seem to worry about their need to have children.

You have no idea how relationships work, do you? You conjure up what you see as hard facts to prove to the OP that she is a no-hoper in the dating stakes.
The interesting thing about men is that they are all different. A middle aged man of sense may dismiss a 28 year old in favour of someone he can talk with.and not pretend that he's still a stud.Or he may not. A man who has known someone for years and secretly fancied her may come forward now.
People meet at hobby groups or

Jeff Bezos is married/partnered up to a lady in her 50s.

@SittingCat
‘’However, in general in these instances, we have a woman who is probably not as physically attractive as she once was, has serious responsibilities (kids), scant free time (hobbies & friends) and little resources (just getting by) simultaneously demanding traits in her partner that would make them objectively attractive to others.’

i don’t recall the op saying she wanted some man who was better off than her or more attractive . A man who is the same age and is getting by to the same level is no more attractive than she is so why shouldn’t she expect someone like that ???

sounds like you think a 40 yr old man is somehow more attractive than a 40 yr old woman .

as for the children part … it may surprise you to know that many people actually prefer someone who’s already had their family especially those men who are not interested in having children
stop applying what you would want to what all men would want . You may thing a 20 or 30 yr old woman is a ‘catch ‘ and more attractive but other man prefer someone their own age who had similar life experience and values

I have to go tell DH that he’s a 1% man, he’s going to love this. Going to ask him if he’s beating 25yr olds off with a stick.

I thought it was pretty common knowledge that Di Caprio has no real interest in women if you know what I mean... perhaps as beards. Allegedly!

Lol yes indeed

it’s so funny how the red pillers claim that young women want older men with money … oh but hang on the young women only want the chads … or the top percenters

serms only older men with money who are simultaneously young , built and over 6foot are getting dates

single mums are all living it up with all the money and kids ( god knows what free time they get when apparently they always get 100 percent of the care and responsibility for looking after the children )

and violence rape and murders of women by men are something are that are way less important to talk about compared to women being flaky or having standards and hurting menz feelings ….

If men are responsible for the ills of society as you appear to be suggesting then presumably you accept they are primarily responsible for its construct and many of the good things as well as the bad.

I don't have time for deadbeat Dad's that make no effort even though the Mother makes effort to involve them in the kids lives (or doesn't stop them at least). I know of an abusive man towards his kids as they grew up and his wife. It's awful and to be honest I think is why my ex wife is like she is (the childhood trauma). But I also think that places like mn fail to make enough distinction between the genuinely abusive types and people that get things wrong now and then.

You think the family courts are heavily skewed towards men. Where are the statistics on

Going back to the OP. This isn't red pill theory it's simply what the statistics show on how dating sites work. It's not saying that OP doesnt deserve a loving and nice partner. It's just pointing out what the research suggests happens which leads to a certain group of men thriving pretty much to the detriment of everyone else. Where is this research? Just Google what percentage of men and women swipe right and on what group for a site like Tinder. I just don't understand why it's so triggering.

I didn’t claim that men were responsible for all the ills of society simply that they are the predominant perpetrators of violence against women . Not sure how you managed to confuse that but anyway
the claim is frequently made by red pillers that the courts are biased against fathers … show me those statistics . I wasn’t the one who raised the issue I simply pointed out that women often get an absolutely shit time in family court
especially those coming from abusive situations

as for red pill … yes there’s been plenty of red pilling on this thread . Telling the op she had nothing to offer a decent man her age and to date fixer uppers

If you want to talk about who’s swiping on whom we could talk about older men consistently hitting on 22 yr olds despite whether they are 30 40 or 80 . Sure they might swipe most women in the hopes for sex but the fact there’s a huge power imbalance between them and someone so much younger often won’t stop them ! Sure women are more selective when swiping on apps … if anything I’d argue that shows women are less willing to screw anything with genitals … kind of seems like a more decnet approach huh . Men can hardly take the high road there me thinks

if a small percentage of men are getting sex from women who want sex SO WHaT . How has that got anything to do with you me or sitting cat.

WOmen are perfectly entitled to do what they want when dating just as men have for Millenia . Obviously that’s NOT a who people settle down wit because there’s a hell of a lot of under six foot less that perfect men who are married or have gfs …

The reality is that most decent people don’t look for a someone over 6 foot before saying I do , they want an equal , a peer

red pull is ridiculous rubbish that doesn’t reflect reality and knows nothing about women

im not defensive at all I’m not ‘in the market to date I just think it’s really sad to see young men so screwed up that they actually believe that stuff

Some men will swipe on gorgeous younger women and some women will swipe on the men that seem to be rich, that's life, we shouldn't criticise them for their choices it's up to them and good luck to them. There is no point being resentful and saying the men are perverts and the women are gold diggers.

Have to agree with you , people can try and get with those who have whatever they find appealing however there is such a thing as predators who pray on those who have very limited life experience…
a 40 / 50 plus man swiping on women 20/30 or more more years younger is a creep in my opinion .. but ultimately they can do what they like , I have no doubt he will end up alone once she works that out …

I thought Kevin Samuel died!

Yeah it was the "man-pandering hours" that put me off dating.

Dont give up. I know its hard to find a decent man these days. However my friend after 2 terrible long term relationships has met a chap and he is really lovely and so there is the hope!