So fed up and think I give up on men

[Missillusioned78]

I am 44. I would really like a fulfilling equal relationship.

The only man I have met who interests me treats me as someone to ring on the way home when pissed.

I have a full life of work, friends, hobbies and my wonderful children. I am not rich but getting by with my home. We are happy.

I am SO disappointed with men. Don’t know whether to just give up

@Allsnotwell thank you! I think you said that early on in the thread- so I thought go with it and say yes to a date. Obviously very early days but such a refreshing change to spend time with someone so nice and respectful and genuinely interested in me 😊

Don’t give up, OP. I’d drop the booty-caller, unless he’s providing really terrific sex (unlikely if he’s pissed).

To meet new men, I’d try new hobbies, classes and/or social groups. One at a time since you’re already busy, but allowing at least a few weeks of each because it takes time to start getting to know people.

Also, let friends know you’re interested, in case they have friends who might suit you. Don’t be embarrassed. DH and I were put together by friends and it’s the best gift they could have given us.

Good luck, OP.

Oooops, I was so eager to say don’t give up that I didn’t read the update. That’s great, OP! I hope it all keeps going well.

PS to negative posters, I was in my 40s, in poor health at time (sorted now) and not particularly attractive. Obviously not a catch for a lovely and successful man of the same age! And yet we’re happily married now. Sorry (not sorry) to disappoint you.

It's lovely to hear your update op and I wish you well. I think there is something about clearing the path for what you don't want to make room for what you do.

But at the same time, it has dawned on me recently that there appears to be relatively few good (available) men about (late forties onwards). Admittedly, my social circle is currently very small and I hope I develop a different point of view given time.

When I look at my friends relationships (and my own), they don't look too good for various reasons - work addictions, other addictions, mysoginy, laziness re 'helping' with the children, let alone men who are in touch with their emotions and able to communicate effectively. I'm not saying women are perfect either, far from it but several of these women are intelligent capable women who don't appear to have met their equal. I also think women are more likely to seek help and support for their difficulties and can sometimes outgrow their partners for this reason.

I have many single older friends who have been on their own for many, many years having tried dating and given up. I believe there is good reason to make a life independent of a man - unfortunately, they can disappear even when lovely through bereavement sadly.

I don't think it's negative to have stopped looking. I'm so much happier now that I've stopped looking. It doesn't cross my mind now. before I was always hoping for something that was missing and I thought that that would be man. It never was. Luckily at some point I just stopped feeling that there was something missing or something to fix. It's such a blessing to feel like this. It's freedom. Eventually. Sometimes the happy ending is that you give up. It's not negative.

I don't think it's negative to have stopped looking. I'm so much happier now that I've stopped looking. It doesn't cross my mind now. before I was always hoping for something that was missing and I thought that that would be man. It never was. Luckily at some point I just stopped feeling that there was something missing or something to fix. It's such a blessing to feel like this. It's freedom. Eventually. Sometimes the happy ending is that you give up. It's not negative.

This sounds like such a peaceful state to have arrived at Peacejoysleep. Do you mind giving a few more details about how you might have reached this point/age and so on? I've got a lot of work to do on myself, yet I feel a loss around a possible connection I feel I'm missing out on.