So fed up and think I give up on men

[Missillusioned78]

I am 44. I would really like a fulfilling equal relationship.

The only man I have met who interests me treats me as someone to ring on the way home when pissed.

I have a full life of work, friends, hobbies and my wonderful children. I am not rich but getting by with my home. We are happy.

I am SO disappointed with men. Don’t know whether to just give up

So the men you refused to be chatted up by in your twenties have now become your target market.

It appears to have gone full circle.
Go figure.

As a plan, if you are given the choice and not discarded, it appears to me dating in your forties seems to be the worst age for sucess.

Late teens appears to be the optimum age for totally throwing youself into love with no bagage, with fewer financial restrictions and an enthusiam for love existing. It's probably this age aswell where true attraction physically outweighs the fair exchanges that occur as you get older (money etc).

Twenties, a time of reproducing, securing finacials, security for children and wife by marriage. Practicalties high on the list with this age.

Forties for women tend to the rejected, discarded or the women who do the dumping in search of a better deal.

Incredibly hard to find a suitable partner at this age going into early fifties, the combination of sexual attraction and all of the other requirements needed often fall short of their ideals.
I've found that women by the age of 55, who are single tend to be much more realistic of their own situations.

By 55 and over you are probably more likely to find a companion, with fewer expectations of sex and desire, more accepting of compatibility and a greater pool of men who are availble through being widowed, the good men re-enter the market at this stage.

I find 40's early 50's men and women to be quite deluded in their expectations of partners and the quality of those available.
This is an overall view of the different life stages.
Exceptions occur.

I doubt they are the same types (as in, I don't find men who ogle young women attractive)

But yeah, my tastes changed. Some men, and fewer women, seem to stay stuck with the same type - fancy them young when they are young, fancy them young as they get older. It hasn't been that way at all for me. I am not really interested in younger men, say in their 20s. Shame in a way as there is huge interest from that age group! Older men just look much more attractive, more rugged (very obviously, yet again, I stress the ones in good shape!). Just mention it as an aside really, funny how tastes change.

God @BubbleSort I would be depressed if I thought I needed to lower expectations of sex by my mid-fifties. I definitely don't plan on doing that! Viagra and HRT both work wonders to keep both sides in good form!

If sex is the main thing then just go on OLD and get a partner for sex then when you get fed up with him move on to another.

That's more or less what I do. I recommend it tbh. I haven't seen anything in older men worth having a full partnership with. So much better without. Brings me back to- dogs are better for companionship, friends are better for friendship ....

‘So the men you refused to be chatted up by in your twenties have now become your target market.

It appears to have gone full circle.
Go figure.’

how are 40 year old men chasing neg 20 yr olds the ‘same men ?

i think it’s been made pretty clear by women that we are not interested in those creeps in our 20, or our 40s plus . That’s why we are glad to see them lose interest in us as we get older

You make it sound like you think it’s somehow wrong for women in their 20s not to want to talk to men twice their age ???

Let me ask you , how many of this men who date so much younger will date the same way older ie they will date half their age but how many will date twice their age ?

yeah exactly

I doubt they are the same types (as in, I don't find men who ogle young women attractive)

Why not, just ask the later fifties and 60's women whose husbands are ogling and having affairs with women in their forties, such as you who think for some reason men become more noble as they age, and you age.
It's just the same.

And tastes do change, as mentioned before, true equal attraction is usually in the late teen early twenty age group. When a woman in her 40's chooses to date 10/20 years older, there is usually some benefit, money, or the fact that the once 60 year old male was very attractive or more attractive than the 40 year old, but the age gap reduces the defects.

@ArcticSkewer Fair enough you want plenty of sex in your mid 50's, 60's, regardless of your sex drive, the physical body ages and that will hinder chances of finding a partner and your own confidence.

There seems to be no outward perspective or realisation, yes do not give up hope but be realistic otherwise you end up very dissapointed, with mental health problems as you are for ever searching for the unnatainable.
Both sexes are guilty of this.

That's probably why a lot of the men are on there as well.

There are probably a few genuine nice men looking for a long term partner (several on the board seem to have found them) but I suspect many will, like you, have settled for the dog or cat. (A couple of our male single friends have cats - easier to look after).

A lot of younger women are happy or even prefer dating older men though. Dating as a man is a lot easier in your 30s and 40s. Dating in your 20s as a man is quite tough.

Yep, that’s what I do, lots of women in their 50’s looking for sex, and I have a dog for company…

@Lpc3

so what ? Men have it hard for a little while while young then go on to devalue women once they are over 49 ( or even younger according to many men )

Im curious after reading your previous posts . You keep coming back to mens limited choices in their 20s and then go on to admit women have limited choices after 40 .

Im wondering why your so concerned with those ten years for men ( some men ) . Why does it matter to you If some men may have a limited dating choices Between 20-30 ? Their twenties ?
Why is that more important than women having a limited dating choices for the FORTY years that follow the average life space after forty when you say womens dating choices are limited ?

and that’s if we even say after forty is when womens dating choices reduce , many men in their thirties are still trying to date women in their twenties rather than their own age …
so you have potentially fifty years for women with ‘reduced dating choices ‘ yet you seem to be preoccupied with men not having choices in their 20s’ ?

That made me smile looking at my little doggy Dogs are the best arnt they . Just bring so much happiness to our lives 🐶

The weird thing is I never once knew any woman in her 20s who was dating an older man. Can't think of one. We would have mercilessly taken the piss so that may be why, but I don't think so.

Different demographic perhaps?

Oh I did just think of one. Older married man. We all told her he was a total saddo. God knows what she saw in him. Soon ditched him and back to men her own age.

Perhaps it's different these days? I dunno. Hope not. I wouldn't tolerate my daughter thinking that was a normal state of affairs.

@Optimummum yeah, love my dog ( bitch), she sleeps on my bed and it always pleased to see me.( more than my ExW ever was 😂)..

Dogs are great! Really are fab companions. Mine are snuggled up now.

Tbh that's another factor in not getting a live in partner... anyone who complained about the dogs on the bed at bedtime!

Yes I hear you ,… they are adorable

I don't personally know men who 'devalue' women after a certain age in real life (not to say it doesn't exist). I also think regardless of age women have way more dating opportunities than men but the gap narrows 30 and over (never overlaps though).

I'm speaking anecdotally about me and the few friends I have who aren't yet married (or now divorced). We have all found dating easier as we have aged. We could just be outliers but I suspect not.

I'm personally not particularly assertive so maybe that is why I struggled more when I was younger. Tended to wait until I got approached rather than the other way around. Maybe times have just moved on and women approach more now (and therefore I have more success)?

Agree about the dogs. In fact maybe dogs are to blame for more people choosing to be single these days 😅

@Lpc3
‘I don't personally know men who 'devalue' women after a certain age in real life (not to say it doesn't exist). I also think regardless of age women have way more dating opportunities than men but the gap narrows 30 and over (never overlaps though).’

so you don’t acknowledge that many men see women as less appealing as they age and think younger women are better ?

@Lpc3
i doubt any man comes right out and says he sees women as less valuable as they age but if you ask the men you know if they would rather date a younger woman you may be surprised how many would and that they do in fact see a woman’s value as linked to her youth

Sorry yes I agree. For some reason I thought you meant their value as a human being. In dating I agree nearly all men will choose the younger women if all other things are equal. But women will choose other attributes; I don't think it's worth trying to fight against it as I can't ever see it changing.

So yes there you go . Not much point in men worrying that dating choices may be limited for them in their twenties when women face the extremely unfair and sexist age discrimation pretty much from after theyre thirties in many cases

Which is pretty ridiculous . But I think if you read into what most women come to understand is that we recognise men who are only valuing youth and younger women and we see that they are not actually high value men . A man who doesn’t value women for so much more than that and doesn’t want a peer isn’t worth having around so it’s no loss.

So less choice just helps weeds out that type which is a good thing

So it sounds like a benefit not a disadvantage after all @Optimummum

The limited choices women have when older are still more plentiful than men have it regardless of their age so I don't really see the issue.

I don’t agree necessarily women still have more choices
yoyr confusing the advantage of getting rid of the creeps ( getting rid of the illusory advantage in the 30s - because after all creepy guys are not truly an advantage ) with women having some advantage long term
Diecimination still exists against women where their peers will not dare them because women are seen to lose value in ways men are not . This attitude exists with a large group of men.
The fair thing would be for women to be valued for things like life experience sense of humour , personality etc ad much as men are instead of just their youth … but like you said probably not gonna happen
Too many superficial men in the world who think women are commodities valued for their bodies and being in their 20s

Illusory advantage in the 20s