I've been kept hidden

[Gymtanlaundry]

I'll keep it short, thank you firstly to anyone reading hoping for some help/support.
DH and I have a great marriage, we are very much in love and spend alot of our time together going on holidays and making each other laugh etc.
Over the past few years I've noticed a trend, with social events involving his friends or work colleagues he tends to try and put me off going, I'd not really thought about it much till today. He gives me subtle nudges to talk me out of attending or show why it would be best if he went alone. I'm very shy and awkward so it genuinely doesn't take much for me to agree with him.
So despite our seven years together I've only met one of his friends and none of his colleagues.
Anyway his new job has a big Christmas gathering every year which is known to include all the wags and be a very good night out. Two weeks ago he told me it was just going to be the boys having beers this year, I questioned him as it seemed odd but he got angry so I pushed I no further. Last week his colleague invited us to his wedding next year and DH said it would be easiest and best if he went alone.
I broke at this point, suddenly putting together all the past incidents, I asked if he's embarrassed of me or ashamed. I don't think I'm unattractive or horrific in social situations, I keep fit and don't have any wierd features but DH is excessively handsome so I try my best to keep up but he's definitely out of my league.
When confronted he was very sweet and denied it all and said he was so proud of me and wanted to show me off, this answer I accepted at the time until last night.
I discovered this year's work Christmas party is a big celebration including the wags and the couples will all be going out for dinner and drinks. I cried, he became enraged and said it was all in my head and I was deflecting my own feelings onto him. I haven't spoken to him since and don't know what to do or how to move forward. Am I being crazy? I'm very insecure and self conscious. Was he just protecting me? Is DH embarassed of me, the way I look or behave? How do I move forward? I feel genuinely broken, like a hidden secret who he probably jokes about with his mates.

"my ED ".
Are you in a same sex marriage Op?

So you KNOW he told you it was a guys night but now it’s going to be crap,

You know he’s lying to you. And the most straightforward answer is usually the right one.

Why on earth would he become ‘enraged’? Doesn’t that seem disproportionate?

He’s not lovely and I’m telling you now that anyone can find time for an affair if they want.

Eating disorder

I'm guessing she means eating disorder?

@Mooloolabababy @Merryoldgoat oh, ok, my mistake.

My first thought was gay.

There does not need to a female to cheat though. Could be a male colleague...

@Lndnmummy mine too. @Grumpusaurus yes.

Hope OP can open up to us. x

@Lndnmummy
Yeah as I said above.. that thought resonated with me too, especially as he’s so strikingly handsome. So much so that he’s comfortable being the only non drinker in a blokey environment, doesn’t take his wife out socially, sees just his family (if I’m getting the facts right) so it sort of sounds like he’s got a double life…
Wife being socialising with the family etc - beard ..?
If he does not spend time with the Op and her friends (which she hasn’t mentioned) or family.. got married abroad, with mostly his side…
im wondering if he chose a partner with low confidence eyc so she wouldn’t want to meet people and have someone, for instance, say oh your DH is very ..
But that’s speculation and obviously not helpful necessarily

Quite a lot of tech and engineering is not predominantly male these days you’d get a slap in the face with a wet kipper if the sentence was ever heard out loud.

Whatever the reason he does not want his wife at this Christmas do, it absolutely will not be culturally led by the company I’m 100% certain of that. My ex used to think I’d get pissed and show him up and do you know what I probably would’ve but I was more of a laugh then he was anyway so so what.

If you used to work in the industry why are you so convinced that for 8'years it's been an all male industry? Apart from penis modeling I'm struggling to think of ANY industry that's absolutely all male.

Eating Disorder

@bouquetofpeonies I am exactly the same! I had never really considered in depth my feelings about mixing different networks, but I find it incredibly uncomfortable and difficult. Very insightful!

He moved on to a different section where due to the physical demands only one woman has actually managed to get through and she's not on his crew. I am 100% certain of this, due to knowing the company and also the world of Facebook and social media. He also video calls me on his breaks from work so I know he's not lying about his job, plus the uniform etc

When we mix socially which is rare it's usually with his best mate and his gf or with family, that's mine included.
My lack of socialising pre dated the marriage so I can't blame him for this, he has a very busy work schedule as do I so if I get a day off I tend to visit my father or best friend, but my best friend is a busy mum of two so we aren't really the going out drinking type. I don't exactly live a party animal life, but that's my doing not his.

At last! I was reading through the answers thinking 'why has no one mentioned gaslighting?! I agree with @JulesCobb and this is not going to be easy for you to believe. You first thought will be - don't be ridiculous - this is NOT emotional abuse. But please, look it up! You may be in the early stages. It sounds to me (and he may not even be consciously aware he is doing it) like he is trying to slowly isolate you. You say you do lots of things together and love each other. But that may be just to keep you relying on him. Ask yourself a question... Does he make you feel good about yourself? OR is he slowly chipping away at your self confidence, maybe just after a compliment...? What makes you think he is better than you? Is it the things he says? HE IS NOT! You described a gaslighting incident to a T. You may well need outside help. You say you don't argue but that may be because you go along with the way he want things to go maybe because you are easy going, want to please him or maybe don't like conflict? Your last bit... Am I being crazy? I'm very insecure and self conscious. Was he just protecting me? (No!) Is DH embarassed of me, the way I look or behave? How do I move forward? I feel genuinely broken, like a hidden secret who he probably jokes about with his mates. ...This does not sound like love. I'm so sorry. This is absolutely horrible for you. My guess is you are empathetic which he needs. I have been through the similar and left and am now so much happier. Also ask yourself - were you more or less confident before your 7 year relationship/marriage. Do you have your own friends? (Or has he already isolated you without you knowing he did it?!) Do you tell them these details or do you hide some things so they will like him? If this is what I think it is, then it will only get worse. Anger and rage - don't ignore the red flags. Much love to you, please talk to a professional.

My sister's husband did this, dissuaded her from every work event for years.
He was being unfaithful with a colleague.

He either thinks you’ll be an embarrassment/hindrance in a group, non-family situation, or he’s hiding something from you. They’re the only two logical options and both are potentially relationship-ending. I couldn’t stay with someone who was ashamed of me. Getting angry and gaslighting you for challenging it the worst bit.

All responses are useful and insightful and I appreciate you all, I'm trying to work out how to fix this situation and move on. As it's discussed I'm starting to think I am just as to blame, perhaps I created the situation.
So many different perspectives on one incident but I hope you understand I can't just leave my husband who I love dearly because of a lie, he's spent seven years treating me like a queen. I would rather find a way to get to the bottom of it and sort it out, be that I have to change or he does x

When you say treating you like a Queen, what does that involve?

Can I ask why you think he’s more physically attractive than you, whether you’ve always believed yourself to be socially awkward, and what he says about these two things?

Cultivate friendships at work and in other ways. Have a dinner at your house next week and invite your best friend and her family and/or your own family. Begin socializing with people at work, outside of work. Have people over. In other words, show your husband that you can be at ease, even more, you can thrive, in social situations.

You mentioned that you are overweight, is that very overweight or just a little? I’m asking because you are afraid he is judging you on your appearance and personality. You are hurt that he doesn’t want you to socialize with his work colleagues and friends, yet you’v told us that you don’t try to socialize at all. He is simply making the decision because...well, we don’t know why precisely. If you begin being social and feeling good about your appearance, you will know those aren’t factors and it must be something else.

I’m very introverted and try to get out of social events. I have to really urge my husband to go, but he usually won’t go if I don’t. He wants me to come every single time whether it’s work, friends, even his best friend, he likes me to come along as I am friends with his best friend too.

So, it is a little weird that your husband is really refusing to bring you along to anything. Something is going on, but I don’t really think it has to do with your shyness or weight, because if it did, he would say he just wants you to feel comfortable socializing etc. but he doesn’t say that. And he gets angry. Red flag.

He's Gay. That’s my thought

You've ignored every poster that says that this is a huge problem ,but there's something quite wrong OP that you've only met one of his friends in 7 years.

It's not normal is it? whether he's gay, or abusive, or having an affair or whatever.

@Gymtanlaundry "he's spent seven years treating me like a queen".

Even Queens sometimes have to make very difficult decisions. Even Queens sign a death warrant, when self preservation prevails .

@DucklingDaisy He's gorgeous! Everyone says and knows it, he works out alot so is in amazing shape and is very old fashioned in his ways such as respectful, polite and helpful. I was very surprised when he first paid me attention, but he has never once looked at another person since we met, I feel very secure and know that if he did meet someone else he would just leave, like I said he's not the kind of man to be stopped or held back from what he wants.
When I say he treats me well, he puts in effort on the day to day, helps with household chores, picks up presents or treats for me when he's out, messages and calls me lots, cares for me if I'm unwell and I do the same back for him, that's why I don't necessarily see that he could be gay or abusive. He makes alot of effort with my father who isn't in the best of health and likes me to spend my days off with him where possible x