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Original poster

Sex with teenagers in the house

172 replies

Thisisit11 · 25/10/2022 22:26

Interested to know if/how you do it. We have DS (13) and DD (11) and privacy has gone with the 7pm bedtimes. DD in particular seems tuned into the fact we might get up to something when we're alone and always appears at our bedroom at door at the wrong moment (not quite been caught at it but ..). Then, DH starts losing his temper because she's getting out of bed despite being told to go to sleep etc. Not romantic (and also not cool - he and I will then argue about him being so shirty with her NB is it normal for her to be so anti us being alone together?!?! Should I be worried?). Anyway, do any of you actually manage it?! If so, how!

OP posts:
gogohmm · 26/10/2022 13:20

@tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz

I have a new build and the walls are very well insulated, though dsd admitted to me that she was very worried about us hearing herBlush poor girl she was mortified, I smiled and assured her we didn't (we came home late but a day earlier than expected, she's an adult)

OneFrenchEgg · 26/10/2022 13:24

Thinking about it it's actually a source of stress for me. Menopause etc and low mood means I don't want to have sex much whereas dh does. Knowing that he's pissed off (snarky 'jokes') and that the kids can hear so I need to be aware of timing just makes me feel really pressured. Like an expectation to have sex quietly and quickly to please him and avoid upsetting the teens.

user1487194234 · 26/10/2022 13:30

I am really surprised that some people don’t have sex when their children are in the house
We have a lock on the bedroom door and have a good sex life and I have honestly never given it a thought
House is not small or modern tbf

ButterflyBiscuit · 26/10/2022 13:35

User well there's the difference. Lucky you not having a small hoise with thin walls. Having sex 3-4meters away from my child with just a thin wall isn't y idea of fun!

Those of you that have never had to worry- great! Lucky you!

ButterflyBiscuit · 26/10/2022 13:37

(Next up threads where "well I've never been cold in my house why don't they put the heating on?" On a thread about fuel bills...)

667TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 26/10/2022 13:38

OneFrenchEgg · 26/10/2022 13:24

Thinking about it it's actually a source of stress for me. Menopause etc and low mood means I don't want to have sex much whereas dh does. Knowing that he's pissed off (snarky 'jokes') and that the kids can hear so I need to be aware of timing just makes me feel really pressured. Like an expectation to have sex quietly and quickly to please him and avoid upsetting the teens.

I agree it usually affects women more the worry of kids hearing or being interrupted whereas men once they have got going nothing puts them off their er stroke !
not wishing to derail the post but I also struggled terribly with low libido and menopause, but I stated HRT patches and specifically testosterone really really helped. I didn’t want to give up on sex in my 50s. I think a lot of women feel like they will be judged going to speak to their doctor about low sex drive.

2bazookas · 26/10/2022 13:39

When our kids were very tiny they undoubtedly walked in to our room while we were at it. Later, they were told, if the parents are in bed AND bedroom door is shut, please knock/speak . A little later, we afforded them the same sexual privacy. It's never been a problem in our household.

Son (50) stayed over last night. This morning, leaving early for work, he knocked on our bedroom door before opening it to say "byee, thanks"

667TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 26/10/2022 13:40

@OneFrenchEgg sorry meant to also say your husband is being an arsehole making snarky remarks about it. I’m sorry to hear this, it doesn’t help. Maybe tell him it’s due to menopause and not him, however the chances of him getting a shag if he carries on like this are I suspect greatly reduced !

OneFrenchEgg · 26/10/2022 13:40

Thank you @667TheNeighbourOfTheBeast I think you are right. It's always been me being sensitive to needs and not dh - not that he doesn't care just doesn't occur to him

OneFrenchEgg · 26/10/2022 13:42

@667TheNeighbourOfTheBeast yes I agree - I think it's really difficult for me when he isn't affected in the same way and still wants sex. Like just persisting in 'gentle' persuasion so I never want a cuddle or making jokes out of frustration. I get that it's all crap for everyone.

savehannah · 26/10/2022 13:44

Whenever they are out at school or activities for anything adventurous, or a quickie early in the morning or late at night when the eldest is watching noisy zombie films downstairs lol.

667TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 26/10/2022 13:48

OneFrenchEgg · 26/10/2022 13:42

@667TheNeighbourOfTheBeast yes I agree - I think it's really difficult for me when he isn't affected in the same way and still wants sex. Like just persisting in 'gentle' persuasion so I never want a cuddle or making jokes out of frustration. I get that it's all crap for everyone.

I think most men don’t realise that low libido can be a part of the menopause for many women to be fair I hadn’t heard of it myself only hot flushes etc . I had to explain it to my husband, I was very lucky he was understanding but I totally get the not wanting to have a cuddle in case your DH thinks it’s a green light for sex it’s sad.

FusilliPasta · 26/10/2022 13:48

We both WFH, so when they’re at school usually.

FixTheBone · 26/10/2022 13:48

We close the door and wait until the younger ones are asleep. They've never woken up. (ages 4, 6, 10, 11, 15, 16)

The older two, we just accept they may hear, but pragmatically, they're either two young to know what's going on, or, they're old enough to understand what's going on, and maintain a sense of decorum about it.

667TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 26/10/2022 13:52

FixTheBone · 26/10/2022 13:48

We close the door and wait until the younger ones are asleep. They've never woken up. (ages 4, 6, 10, 11, 15, 16)

The older two, we just accept they may hear, but pragmatically, they're either two young to know what's going on, or, they're old enough to understand what's going on, and maintain a sense of decorum about it.

Oh my goodness, can I just say I’m really impressed that you have the energy with six children ! 😊

ButterflyBiscuit · 26/10/2022 13:52

Super envious of those who both WFH! Outside the home here but would be a definite plus!

Pabbs · 26/10/2022 13:53

Mine are 14, 16, 19.

I put the TV on loudly and we have a lock on the door. But they would never come in without knocking first.

Rewis · 26/10/2022 14:12

Why is the daughter coming to your door?

Fink · 26/10/2022 14:15

I've moved back in with my parents as an adult following divorce and can hear them having sex both from my bedroom (next to theirs) and my study (under their bedroom). Even as an adult it's not amazingly pleasant to have to listen to and I'm always trying to make sure my dc can't hear them, but I get that it's their house and that they're not actually trying to draw attention to themselves. It's just the rhythmic knocking of the bed that really gives it away. I remember it from living here as a late teenager, but not before. I suppose that before that I was oblivious.

If I were me, I'd wait till I had an empty house. With two adolescents there must be plenty of time they're not there.

Unlike other posters, I don't find it unusual that the 11 year old would want to talk to you at night. But if it bothers you then put a lock on the door and make sure you teach them to knock before coming in to your room in any case.

TammyOne · 26/10/2022 14:30

I thought the answer would be that the stress of having teenagers just completely kills any desire you had left, so it ceases to be a problem...
Just me??😂

CarefreeMe · 26/10/2022 14:43

The older two, we just accept they may hear, but pragmatically, they're either two young to know what's going on, or, they're old enough to understand what's going on, and maintain a sense of decorum about it.

That’s grim 🤢

tenbob · 26/10/2022 15:12

FixTheBone · 26/10/2022 13:48

We close the door and wait until the younger ones are asleep. They've never woken up. (ages 4, 6, 10, 11, 15, 16)

The older two, we just accept they may hear, but pragmatically, they're either two young to know what's going on, or, they're old enough to understand what's going on, and maintain a sense of decorum about it.

Reading through all the posts on this thread from people saying they are scarred by hearing their parents having sex, do you still think it's ok for them to hear it AND for them to have to 'maintain decorum' about what they've heard?

I can't actually see any posts from people saying 'yeah, I heard them/knew what they were up to when the door got locked, but it wasn't an issue'

Every single person is saying it affected them as a child and/or causes them issues as an adult.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 26/10/2022 15:17

I'm not surprised your husband is annoyed with your 11 year old coming to your room. I would be too. Tell her in no uncertain terms that bedtime is bedtime, she needs to leave you alone.

Are you going to bed at 9pm or something and she's still awake?

Faultymain5 · 26/10/2022 15:21

FixTheBone · 26/10/2022 13:48

We close the door and wait until the younger ones are asleep. They've never woken up. (ages 4, 6, 10, 11, 15, 16)

The older two, we just accept they may hear, but pragmatically, they're either two young to know what's going on, or, they're old enough to understand what's going on, and maintain a sense of decorum about it.

I’d expect the same. But six kids? Wow to the energy.

Faultymain5 · 26/10/2022 15:28

tenbob · 26/10/2022 15:12

Reading through all the posts on this thread from people saying they are scarred by hearing their parents having sex, do you still think it's ok for them to hear it AND for them to have to 'maintain decorum' about what they've heard?

I can't actually see any posts from people saying 'yeah, I heard them/knew what they were up to when the door got locked, but it wasn't an issue'

Every single person is saying it affected them as a child and/or causes them issues as an adult.

Show quote history

Yes, but I looked at it that my parents still loved each other . It could be because I was affected buy other parents divorcing.