Sex with teenagers in the house

[Thisisit11]

Interested to know if/how you do it. We have DS (13) and DD (11) and privacy has gone with the 7pm bedtimes. DD in particular seems tuned into the fact we might get up to something when we're alone and always appears at our bedroom at door at the wrong moment (not quite been caught at it but ..). Then, DH starts losing his temper because she's getting out of bed despite being told to go to sleep etc. Not romantic (and also not cool - he and I will then argue about him being so shirty with her NB is it normal for her to be so anti us being alone together?!?! Should I be worried?). Anyway, do any of you actually manage it?! If so, how!

I disagree with the PP, there’s nothing worse than hearing your parents having sex and it’s messed up if you’re having sex knowing your kids can hear you and are still enjoying it.

Put a lock on your door.
Go to bed earlier and ‘watch TV’ in your bedroom.
Do it on the floor.
Do it in the mornings when they’re still fast asleep.

Lock on the door without a doubt.

If you're concerned about the bed making noise, get creative with your positions so that you're not using it so much.

TV on for some background noise.

Honestly though, you need to start enforcing some rules around privacy. I'm sure DC wouldn't appreciate you barging in their room without knocking, or outstaying your welcome when they wanted to relax.

If the door is shut, we're sleeping/relaxing and you leave us be unless someone is ill/bleeding/house is on fire... and the rule is to be reciprocated. It's so important, not only for you, but for DC too.

I'm 49 so it's not generational. Maybe it's because we have small houses/ different layouts/ kids that are in their rooms more/ kids with special needs/ insert anything different because we don't all live the same way??

kids and teens need to learn to respect their parents privacy

what’s the alternative?

parents never have sex again?!

not fair to expect two adults to have to get up at at the crack of dawn for a quick and silent shag - in their home !

We have sex in the living room once we know they’re asleep- we shut the door and put a coffee table against it and can hear them if they come down the stairs so it gives us a bit of warning! 🙈 We are super, super quiet though. There’s absolutely nothing worse than hearing your parents have sex. I used to hear my Dad a lot with my step mum especially when we used to go on holiday and it still makes me feel sick even now to the point I actually won’t have sex on holiday unless we literally hire a villa / cottage type place. Caravan walls are too thin!

@CarefreeMe

why on earth should grown adults have sex on the floor when they have a perfectly good bed available to them??

By the age of 11 and 13 kids should know to respect their parents privacy. My parent room was a no go area if they were in it unless it was an emergency, even then I would knock.

Leave the lights on and reenact Victoria Woods " Ballad of Barry and Freda" ( but with an enthusiastic Barry).

They won't bother you again after that.

I accidentally walked in on my mum and step-dad having sex when I was around 11. I can honestly say I would give up sex for the rest of my life to prevent my kids from that experience. I can’t justify why I was so horrified and sickened - it was a visceral reaction. I can still see the scene in my head 35 years later.

Tough love needs to be brought in. This is your bedroom, this is ours. Pretty much find a kinder way than fuck off away from our room and get a lock on the door. I would not be entertaining that shite.

My husband does shift work and I am usually at home so we did it then when child was at home. Don’t your kids go out to their friends houses or swimming etc ? I guess though they would both have to be out the same time! I don’t agree with people on here saying just get on with it, unless you have a large house I can’t see how you are supposed to enjoy it when you are worried about kids hearing you. And I don’t mean swinging from the chandelier, just bed squeaking etc usual noise. I think most people probably do it when their kids are asleep but that’s not an option for you, also I don’t think an 11 year old is going to sleep in in the morning. It will get better but I haven’t got much to help I’m afraid maybe mornings when they are asleep or send them to see grandma/cousins etc if that’s an option!

I meant to add i do think that you need some boundaries about your DD coming into your room though. You need privacy even if it’s not for shagging, and don’t want that to become a habit

Just put a lock on the door. Job done.

That's so wrong.

They must have known how loud they were being.

I'm also asleep at midnight though!

Was never a problem for me and my exw as from the kids being toddlers they knew mam and dads room was off bounds unless like other pp have said they are sick.

@Afterfire that sounds disturbing and you know he knew he was doing it on purpose so it’s kinda abusive you poor mum

I had this issue with my dc coming in at night to put things in the washing basket so I moved it into the main bathroom!

its ridiculously hard to try and get some rude time with kids in the house, the other half wont do it until they are both asleep, the oldest (11) doesnt go bed till 9-30ish) in the week and later at weekends, the youngest (6) goes earlier but still wakes in the night and more often than not wanders to our room and summons one of us to his bedroom as he hates sleeping alone.
so we have a window of opportunity at 10pm for maybe 1 hour before the little one wakes in the night to get the deed done, its a complete passion killer having to perform in a small window and thats also on the basis both parties are in the mood.

There is a lock on the door too but its more a case of them hearing thats offputting.

ridiculous how hard and frustrating it has become now they are older.

Oh probably. My step mum was an absolute arsehole to be fair.

I spent most of the holiday listening to my Walkman on loud at night praying the batteries wouldn’t run out. It really was miserable. (I was about 13/14).

I think it’s made me really inhibited sexually to be fair. Too much information. Oh well.

I do think a lot of parents just think their right to have noisy sex trumps their kids right to not hear them.

And?

Watch the Modern Family episode when Phil and Claire put a lock on the door before you declare “job done”..!

We taught ours boundaries to not come into our room. She needs to be told that you need privacy in your bedroom. Our bedroom door is shut they wouldn't dream of coming in and if they did they would knock first

@Afterfire

When I read it I did think "that's a power play by your step mum!"

I'm sorry.

Clicked as we are currently struggling with this. I'd love a big house with thicker walls and just say crack on like some pp.

We have a tiny tiny house so both kids bedrooms can hear ours. Youngest falls asleep dead but eldest listens to music etc. She's an older teen so goes to bed layer.

It isn't just a case of "lock on the door" but doing it knowing a kid in the next room 3 or 4 meters away could hear.

If I had my grandparents house with thick walls and large rooms it really wouldn't be a problem.

One gets up early and the other is up late at night.

We have finally got them both into an activity one night a week which means we can be a lot less inhibited that night but the nights in-between are so tricky.

I’m another in the traumatised camp. It really really upset me and I have no idea why, I can rationalise it completely but it was really traumatic.

i don’t know what the answer is. I think early mornings and when they are out are the best bet. I’m guessing some people here must live in massive houses.

I still remember hearing my parents having sex regularly when I was a teenager, it was horrific. I even heard them in the living room once. The fact I still remember those details tells you how traumatic it was! Even if you think you are being quiet - you aren't. Unless you live in a big house!