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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband just slapped me

357 replies

carbibarbie · 23/10/2022 13:18

..... I said he was too busy pleasing himself to spend any time with us as a family. He went out in the evening twice this week and is spending all day doing his hobbies. I said he could take our 3 year old son swimming next week. He said 'no thanks, I'm busy, stop being a bitch' and I squirted baby pouch at him (we have a 1 year old) and he slapped me hard across my cheek. Our children were next door. He then said 'you deserved that'. This is the icing on the cake. He spends no time with the children and I'm just envious of those families who have lovely weekends together. I don't know what to do. I don't want to see my children 50% of the time, I will not survive that.

OP posts:
StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 23/10/2022 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

'you were asking for it. you made me slap you'

KettrickenSmiled · 23/10/2022 16:39

girlmom21 · 23/10/2022 16:34

I wouldn't report a slap to the police, personally, but I'd end the relationship because it's clearly toxic. He doesn't want to be part of the family dynamic and you're exhausted with it. What's the point?

But OP should - for all the excellent reasons @Redebs has laid out so clearly.

OP needs to ensure that the 'system' has a clear record not just of this assault, but of the historic pattern of emotional & physical abuse he has subjected her to.

Realityloom · 23/10/2022 16:42

I wouldn't worry about 50/50 realistically can his job allow him to do that?

Get your finances in order.

bonzaitree · 23/10/2022 16:42

girlmom21 · 23/10/2022 16:34

I wouldn't report a slap to the police, personally, but I'd end the relationship because it's clearly toxic. He doesn't want to be part of the family dynamic and you're exhausted with it. What's the point?

It's assault. So OP should report it to the police. It's a criminal act.

Why on earth wouldn't you report a crime to the police?

What about if a stranger slapped your child? Would you report that? If you'd report that then you should defo report someone slapping you in a relationship.

KettrickenSmiled · 23/10/2022 16:44

Why would you throw a baby pouch at him? In effect you basically started it? What if it had been hot? You're both as bad as each other and shouldn't be together

What do you mean - what if it was hot?
You may as well ask "what if you had thrown a spear at him" or "supposing you'd shoved him under a train"?

Why are you inventing stuff that didn;t happen @singlemomof3? OP didn't even throw the damn pouch at him. She quirted it at him - big deal. How you can imagine that is "as bad as" repeated physical assault is beyond me.
Are you just being a goady fucker, or do you usually get off on telling abused women that it's all their own fault?

Also - in effect HE basically started it, by refusing to look after his own child, & calling his wife a bitch. Funny how you failed to notice that, in your zeal to blame OP for getting hit, innit?

Elerandooo · 23/10/2022 16:44

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 23/10/2022 13:22

If your children were next door, why did you have an open baby pouch in your hand to squirt at him?
Call the police if he hit you as it’s assault.
Children shouldn’t live in a house where this is happening.

What the fuck has OP having a baby pouch in hand got to do with anything?

OP, I think PP suggestions of calling or using Live Chat to contact Womens Aid is a good idea. Get everything in place that you will need to leave him. I grew up in a house with DV and the day my mum left was one of the greatest days of my childhood. Your kids need a mum who will not only keep them safe and advocate for them when they’re so young, but also a mum who is safe, happy and healthy.

The fact the arsehole said you deserved that only makes me think he wouldn’t hesitate to do it again when he felt for whatever reason “you deserved it”

girlmom21 · 23/10/2022 16:45

@bonzaitree if someone slapped my child I'd be avoiding the police at all costs and a stranger slapping my child would be entirely different to my partner slapping me in every sense.

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 23/10/2022 16:54

carbibarbie · 23/10/2022 13:24

@Littlegoth he will do everything he can to do to get them and he and his family will manipulate it all. He's been rough with me before and I told his dad to come and remove him from our house, he refused because he said I had provoked him. Again, all I said was that he was too drunk. Today he wasn't drunk. I'm embarrassed about this whole thing.

That's why you need to report it to the police so it's all on record

Razu45 · 23/10/2022 16:55

girlmom21 · 23/10/2022 16:45

@bonzaitree if someone slapped my child I'd be avoiding the police at all costs and a stranger slapping my child would be entirely different to my partner slapping me in every sense.

Confused
what do you mean?

girlmom21 · 23/10/2022 16:57

@Razu45 what are you confused about so I can clarify?

Razu45 · 23/10/2022 16:59

girlmom21 · 23/10/2022 16:57

@Razu45 what are you confused about so I can clarify?

If someone slapped your child - you would be avoiding the police at all costs? Why?

girlmom21 · 23/10/2022 16:59

@Razu45 because my response is highly unlikely to be something the police would be understanding of

Catflapping · 23/10/2022 17:01

I left the first time my ex hit me, never looked. I was so poor, had to leave my job and live with my parents for a year but I am back on my feet now. Only regret is not calling the police to file a report, very few people believed me that he would do that and he made out I was crazy and trying to take his child away. He sees our DS every other weekend now. His parents are wealthy and I had constant threats that he was going to pay a fancy lawyer to make sure he took our child away from me. But in the end that didn’t suit his lifestyle. Please get out now.

Razu45 · 23/10/2022 17:03

girlmom21 · 23/10/2022 16:59

@Razu45 because my response is highly unlikely to be something the police would be understanding of

So

You wouldn’t involve the police if someone hit your child, because you would do damage to the person who had hit your child?

bonzaitree · 23/10/2022 17:04

girlmom21 · 23/10/2022 16:45

@bonzaitree if someone slapped my child I'd be avoiding the police at all costs and a stranger slapping my child would be entirely different to my partner slapping me in every sense.

You wouldn't go to the police if a stranger slapped your child???

That's not normal.

girlmom21 · 23/10/2022 17:05

I don't know how much clearer I can make it without writing a post MNHQ will delete.

sjxoxo · 23/10/2022 17:05

Leave and do not speak to his family at all. You need to cut them off from communicating with you, and report him to police for assault.

Your life will be better without him OP, not worse. He will not have the kids 50% of the time, and certainly not if there is a record of assault.

be strong and protect yourself and your kids Xxxxxxx

Spandang · 23/10/2022 17:06

If you want to do whatever you can to ensure when the time is right you get as much custody as you can if your children you must report it.

In twelve months time, when a court asks cafcass to decide where your children should live and for how long, this information will be entered into the court. It builds part of a picture upon which you rely.

Do not stick your head in the sand, do it. Get it recorded. It’s then there to support your case.

Bingbangboom · 23/10/2022 17:09

Yes, they will and will take you very seriously. This is NOT normal from his side. You must feel quite shaken?

MNHQ
ImaniMumsnet · 23/10/2022 17:10

Evening
We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic violence page

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ Flowers

PinkSyCo · 23/10/2022 17:11

No ifs or buts just LTB!

Razu45 · 23/10/2022 17:13

girlmom21 · 23/10/2022 17:05

I don't know how much clearer I can make it without writing a post MNHQ will delete.

Well yes, mainly due to fact that you seem to be saying that if someone hit your child you wouldn’t go to the police - instead you would likely be arrested for the damage you’d do to the hitter.

Lovely for your children to witness
and
in all likelihood, the police would get involved and you’d be arrested anyway.

So dangerous, violent, disturbing and… plain daft. Something I’d expect to hear from a 14 year old gang member.

girlmom21 · 23/10/2022 17:15

@Razu45 honestly, after some of the posts I've seen from you I'm really not worried about your opinions Smile

Razu45 · 23/10/2022 17:19

girlmom21 · 23/10/2022 17:15

@Razu45 honestly, after some of the posts I've seen from you I'm really not worried about your opinions Smile

Yes, I imagine we have very very different opinions and outlooks on most, if not all, things in life

Bzzz · 23/10/2022 17:19

If he purposely squirted something at you and then you slapped him, 99% of the people on here would say you acted reasonably and that he started it - why should the response be different when the roles are reversed. You started it by purposely squirting him. Neither of you should have done what you did.