Husband cheating with woman 37 years younger than me

[HeartBrokenWife]

I feel broken. I had no idea he’d fallen out of love with me. I’m 61 and he’s a little bit younger, but the woman he’s having an affair with is just so much younger than me that it has made me feel almost suicidal. I’m not going to do anything to myself, but I can’t eat or sleep and he’s just smirking at me. I feel utterly humiliated.

My daughter is taking me to a solicitor tomorrow and I’m going to start divorce proceedings, but I feel hollowed out inside and I’m asking myself over and over what I did wrong. I couldn’t help growing older. I’m so sad 😭

He calls her his ‘little acolyte’, whatever that means

Sounds like they're in a dominant/submissive relationship. Even more tragic.

their situation won’t last…it says more about him OP than you. You aren’t old at 61! I was expecting you to be older than that from your post. The twenty something has a lot to learn… keep your head held high, smile a dignified smile through this - life will move on and time will pass. If I was in your shoes today I would book a hair appointment, sign up for a yoga group, I’d buy myself a few bits for my fresh start and I’d get a pet if I didn’t already have one.. I adopted my first dog following a horrible break up and it was life changing for me- got me out and about every day, gave me a routine, I met new people and had permanent company. It was bliss. If you are comfortable/settled in your lifestyle I’d highly recommend one! Best of luck to you. This man is a twat and now everyone will be able to see it very clearly. Hugs xxxxx

37 years younger than him?! grim.

She won't be sticking around very long while he visibly ages in front of her eyes. I wonder what tales of grandeur he has woven, to impress her and that she has believed? I dread to think.

I hope your visit to the solicitor has been useful this morning. I hope you sting him for everything. Lying, cheating bastard.

One of these figures is quite attractive and commands respect. The other merely invites derision and ridicule. He has traded in his 'respected and attractive' card for the 'derision and ridicule' one.Nobody of note is looking at this man thinking that he is amazing, I promise. Everyone will just see him as an old fool. And it's very hard to see how his new relationship will last

All of this. It’s pathetic how at odds his puffed up ego is compared to how others see him. I actually feel sorry for the young woman. She must have issues to be going along with him.

OP of the two of you, you are definitely the winner. He is going to have a car crash around him soon. And everyone is going to be looking at him and shaking their head at his idiocy.

My father did this, and my Ex did this also.

My father is now married to a woman nearer my age than his, but who is mean, boring and petty, and expects him to look after her. His life is very limited but I have zero sympathy. He has become defensive, but you can tell he’s not really happy. Who would be with someone who really you don’t truly love or like?

My Ex cheated with several younger women while I was pregnant and bringing up our disabled child.

So I feel for you OP. It’s brutal, no other way around that. Facing up to the fact that men we love could be so rejecting and hurt us. And also the disappointment that the men we loved are not as great as we thought, it’s a very weak, superficial and egotistical way to live life that will come and bite them. Superficial attraction is just that, skin deep. It’s not a connection with depth. It’s transactional - I like you because you are young and pretty - you like me because I have money and status and might ‘look after you’. There is no way love can thrive in such a rotten place.

The only person he’s humiliated in this is himself, what a twat, a desperate sad man perving after someone hound enough to be his grandchild.

although it doesn’t seem like it, you are well rid. Take him to the cleaners, hold your head high, you have done nothing wrong. In time, if you want find yourself a man not a boy.

Nearly everyone in your life will see him as a sad desperate jerk.

I am so sorry OP.

The only one suffering humiliation is him - he is going to look like a complete nob to absolutely everyone, and a few years down the line (at most) he’ll feel like one.

He is cunt struck (sorry) right now, so it’s very possible he will blow every penny on trying to keep her. So take no prisoners, gather all the financial info you can of his assets and take every penny you can for you and your daughter. Do not communicate any plans to him, do not communicate beyond what’s absolutely necessary, just get on with it and take your solicitors advice. Change your will.

I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you’ve got shot of your dead wood at the beginning of a really brilliant phase of your life. So glad you have your daughter with you.

Best wishes Op. Glad you have support on here and from your daughter. Hope you got legal advice.
He’s an utter fool. It’s him not you.

Glad someone has linked you to the script.

Stay angry.

Gather as many financial documents as you can.

My Aunt and Uncle divorced in their mid 60s, when he announced that he'd found the love of his life/soulmate etc who just so happened to be a woman in her 20s (but age doesn't mean anything apparently when you meet your soul mate). Aunt was really upset but threw herself in to new hobbies, travel etc and is now independent, dignified and happy. Uncle started dressing younger, got an earring, tattoo and permatan, moved in with his 'soul mate', spent all his savings, fell out with his children and grandchildren. Then within a year was kicked out by his 'soulmate', living in a bedsit and spending most evenings hanging around the local pubs trying to make conversation and generally coming across as a lonely, slightly creepy, old man.

Why have YOU been humilated?

Old bloke runs off with woman in 20s says nothing about you. It just says you are right to get shot of him as quickly as you can. Humilation would be grovelling and trying to win him back.

Everyone worth their salt will have sympathy for you and thinks he's a massive bellend who has fucked his life up.

Meanwhile enjoy your new found freedom!

That is shit. He is shit.
Sorry 😢

Oh my gosh the sad old fool. What men will do for a tight hole!. I’ve seen it twice before: wait and watch it all fall apart within a year when she’s repulsed by him and moves on and hes exhausted by a toddler that’s not his and sees the grass wasn’t greener and when he crawls back to you take pleasure in rejecting him.

What an idiot. Going back to looking after a small child 24/7 is going to be absolute punishment for him.

One point - make sure you have all the family financials together asap. Being cynical, there's a good chance she's latched onto him as he's a good meal ticket. Make sure you put in a claim for what you deserve before he blows it while trying to impress her.

Hope the solicitors appointment goes well. Don’t feel guilty about leaning on your DD in these early stages, I’m sure you’d do the same for her.

OP I'm so very sorry that you are going through this but this isn't going to last for him, she's not going to want him in a few years time and then you will have all the smirking rights.
Try to concentrate on you and your needs, make sure you have the information the solicitor may need like his pension amount details, any names on mortgages or monies you've put in to pay for things.
Any inheritance he may be due also.
Do not trouble yourself with what you think they are doing or his smugness... stay calm and Karma will have its day.

Oh when this fling goes horribly wrong for him, and it certainly will, do not under any circumstances take him back, no matter what he says. He'll come knocking on your door again I guarantee it 💐

Oh my God, this is horrible. How depressing. I can't add much to what everybody else has said, as there has been some fantastic advice, but I really do feel sorry for you and you have my sympathy.

Frankly, I would think she's more than welcome to him. Some men, once they get past the age of 50, become miserable moaning whinge-bags who develop one ailment after another and just moan about everything. I feel sorry for her actually. Can you imagine like, only being in your late 20s or early 30s, and being stuck with a man a generation older? Nope. Fuck that! I know this has probably been said, but she will eventually be his carer, and probably before she is middle aged! LOL fuck that too!

If they end up having kids, SHE will be looking after kids for 15 to 20 years while she's ALSO caring for her elderly ailing partner. Plus caring for her own older parents/older family members as well. Yeah, looks like she's got a lot on her plate for the future, a life of caring and many decades of grunt work, while you've got a wonderful, single, carefree life withOUT this man who clearly doesn't deserve you.

As a few other people have said, I've known a few cases where men have gone off with younger women and have come back with their tail between their legs several years later. Some women did have them back, but others didn't, and they were never happier. They realised how miserable they were with him, and it took him leaving to realise it .

Look after yourself @HeartBrokenWife xxx

Indeed
he sees an acolyte

I imagine she sees a way to be a rich widow much sooner than if she'd dated a different age group.

Sorry but this made me laugh! I have known a few cases like this too. A couple of men who hit 50-55 ish and fucked off with a younger woman who thought he was a sexy silver fox, and ended up with a grumpy curmudgeon who expected to be waited on hand and foot, and was crap in the sack without the Viagra.

They ALSO, got teeth whitening and a perma tan and looked fucking hilarious. EVERYone was laughing at them. And yep, in both cases, the (younger) woman ended it, and HE was left with nothing. Even his own family didn't want to know him. Both men have 3 and 4 children, and none of them speak to their dad.

The grass is always greener and all that... Why do these men think ANYthing will be different or better with a younger woman/another woman? At the end of the day, life will be exactly the same. And WTF can they have in common when there's a quarter century age gap between them?

This will all end in tears, once they are living together.
In the meantime. absolutely focus on yourself. Make a list of all the things you would like to do. Do not spend time dwelling on whether you could have done anything differently. He is 100% the one who is going to end up looking idiotic.

He's just a dirty old man, and thinks he's younger than he is. He's actually old enough to be her grandfather.

Just think, when all this is over, he'll be a sad, lonely old fool. And you'll be free and able to have fun, get out and make new friends.

One of my exes - nice chap - is now 62 and married to someone under 40, but that's not a such big difference.

I don't balk at age gap generally, but this is a man who cheated on OP and calls his new partner an acolyte. Weird.

It’s going to be a hard few months but in 2 years I bet you are really happy in a nice cottage with hobbies, friends and family. I strongly suspect he’ll be single and alone.

If my partner called me his acolyte I would be out of the door for ever. He clearly doesn't view the poor deluded woman as an equal.