Husband cheating with woman 37 years younger than me

[HeartBrokenWife]

I feel broken. I had no idea he’d fallen out of love with me. I’m 61 and he’s a little bit younger, but the woman he’s having an affair with is just so much younger than me that it has made me feel almost suicidal. I’m not going to do anything to myself, but I can’t eat or sleep and he’s just smirking at me. I feel utterly humiliated.

My daughter is taking me to a solicitor tomorrow and I’m going to start divorce proceedings, but I feel hollowed out inside and I’m asking myself over and over what I did wrong. I couldn’t help growing older. I’m so sad 😭

DH work colleague did this. He’s now late 50’s with 2 very young dc and a money grabbing, lazy young wife, who likes to spend money and not much else. He is constantly at the doctors due to feeling so poorly with lack of sleep and worry about bills etc. He is always grabbing the overtime to keep up with the bills she keeps making.
The ex-wife on the other hand is living her best life.
That’s what you will be doing eventually.
Dig your heels in, carry on with the divorce proceedings and you will be the winner in this situation he most definitely will be the loser he has already proven himself to be.

OP she will quickly realise the ‘catch’ that he is when washing his skid marked pants and using the bathroom after him. A dose of that and the novelty soon wears off
She sees him as a meal ticket, he sees her as his secret of eternal youth

Oh dear - this isn’t going to a happy ever after for them

Please sort as much paperwork out that you can. Pensions, home details, insurance etc. Let your anger guide you but dont BE angry just be determined to stay classy and on top. Anger will age you and make you bitter… rise above it like the true strong woman you are.

Laugh at him and his ridiculousness

It would be a big red flag and alarms ringing for anyone being called someone’s acolyte . Especially by a much older partner.

Fuck, that's vile. I'm so sorry, OP.

If it's any consolation, absolutely everyone will be judging them harshly, not you. With that kind of age gap, everyone knows he's an old fool and she's a wrong'un.

Keep your head held high. Keep calm even though you are angry and upset.
Honestly in time it'll come crashing down on them. By then you will have established your own life again and honestly you will not believe how happy you are!!! Believe me... it happened to me and you think you were happy with them but then the rose tinted glasses slip and you realise what happiness is!!! See this as an adventure and a start of a new future and embrace it. New things lie ahead....

There is a world of difference between:

1. A successful, solvent man in his sixties who is committed to his wife and is a loving father (and grandfather).
2. A past-his-best guy in the throes of a midlife crisis, who has jettisoned his financial stability and abandoned his faithful wife and family to shack up with a single mother less than half his age.

One of these figures is quite attractive and commands respect. The other merely invites derision and ridicule. He has traded in his 'respected and attractive' card for the 'derision and ridicule' one.

Nobody of note is looking at this man thinking that he is amazing, I promise. Everyone will just see him as an old fool. And it's very hard to see how his new relationship will last.

As for what you do now...I agree with PPs. Get angry but stay classy. Don't do anything undignified like cut up his clothes or key his car. Find a good lawyer who can tell you what you need to do in terms of his pensions, etc.

Read the Chump Lady website someone recommended earlier. It has good advice on not doing the 'pick me dance' among other things.

You can get through this and come out the other side happier and stronger than ever before.

Everyone will think he's her dad, and granddad to her DC. When they find otherwise, they will think ewwww. 😝

So, your daughter is my age, and your husband is one year younger than my dad. Honestly, how on Earth these old guys fall for the crap that 24 old woman is actually attracted to them? No way in the world. Hope he enjoys diapers changing again.

Fingers crossed for you, get as much as you can from this divorce.

I think adventures await; and they may include a quirky little home (keep an open mind as to size and location). Xx

Great advice from @Mari9999 last night.

Get yourself tested for STIs.

If he's been dipping his nib in the office inkwell there's no telling what he might have caught.

A colleague of my dad did this and wound up marrying the young woman.

She's awful, completely neurotic and makes his life a misery. She wanted three kid, so he had them with her. Had to start all over with the dad stuff in his 50s. He's exhausted and broke (paying for six kids in total across his lifetime). It must suck, being in a situation that's so hard and tiring for him AND knowing that he's basically got nobody but himself to blame so can't even get the satisfaction of outraged victimhood. And he must know by now that people smirk and giggle about him behind his back.

Don't worry, lady. He'll get his comeuppance. Get your friends and your lovely daughter rallying around you and vent all you want to the MN crew, we will have your back.

Can't improve on the great advice here but just to say... ACOLYTE? That means he actually likes the idea of her being so much less important than him - an assistant or disciple who looks up to him. That's extremely revealing about him and not in a good way!

I also don't think it will last but I couldn't get past this. So glad you have your daughter's support too. You have done nothing wrong and have nothing to feel embarrassed about. Going by every situation like this I have ever seen, I know it doesn't feel like it now but you will come out of this happier (he won't).

He will probably come crawling back to you once he hits realisation, please do not take him back because you are feeling vunerable!!

One of DH's mates, ten years younger than the OP's H, had an affair with someone he met at work who is 24 years old. Left his wife of 20 odd years, doesn't now see his kids or grandkids as they don't want anything to do with him (they previously had a lovely, close relationship). Moved to the other side of the country with the otrher woman and has set up home with her. No doubt she'll want kids. I just think he is absolutely crackers for throwing away the life he had- his kids and grandkids are so lovely. And who would want to start again with babies in your 50s and 60s? Crazy.

That's not to say that people can never split up and move on in a civilsed way but having an affair and alienating the family you are close to is not the way to go about it.

As someone already said, "there's no fool like an old fool". At least you'll be rid of this lying cheating idiot, you deserve better than him. I can easily imagine the same thing happening to him; the 'acolyte' will surely find a younger, more virile man, and cheat on your husband with him, if she's not doing so already.

I've seen this before, the young women always leave because they don't want to look after an old man in his dotage, he will regret this big time mark my words.
You are much better off without this idiot.

You did nothing wrong, he’s a shit, you’re better than this, eat you need to take care of yourself and fight for everything you can get. After that live life to the max! You’ll be okay.

a feeling of pure rage that he’s humiliated me like this.

He hasn't humiliated you, he's humiliated himself. Most people will just think what a sleazy old perv. Grim. And she'll leave him after a while, leaving him to look very foolish and reflect on how stupid he's been and what he threw away.

Stand tall and look forward.

He’s her boss

Is he her boss in a larger company where this is against policy?
I dobbed my cheater in to his boss in the most spectacular way when he did the same. Lost his job. His job was more important than his family so he's really feeling the fallout now. Sucks to be him.

acolyte, (from Greek akolouthos, “server,” “companion,” or “follower”), in the Roman Catholic church

Doesn't seem to me to be a very flattering pet name for her...

Just sending love to you OP.

This is everything about him and nothing about you, I hope you can see that. To have an affair requires so much disrespect and lack of care for your spouse, it says something is really rotten in his character that he maybe managed to hide for a long time.

Their relationship is extremely unlikely to last very long at all, with the best will and open mindedness in the world an early twenties woman is not going to last long dating a man about to enter his sixties. The excitement of hiding it and having an affair will wear off and the judgment and scorn from onlookers will wear them down, not to mention what life is like when they realise how things are when they're living together in an open relationship and the secrecy and drama has gone, especially as you say she has a young child.

You are worth so much more than him, sending you strength x

My then-husband smirked when he was caught cheating. Well, life caught up with him and so did the Reaper. He's the 'ex-and-late' husband now.

Does he know you are planning to divorce?
I would say don't discuss it with him, don't give him any kind of heads-up at all.
Just crack on and do what you need to do.
Good luck.
This is not your fault.

Little acolyte? Vom. Gross. He sees her as a little vulnerable child whose role is to help and serve him. Must massage his ego a lot more than being with his equal. Probably hyponotized by the reality of banging someone whose body is barely out of their teens. He sounds utterly rank, you're well rid!