Husband cheating with woman 37 years younger than me

[HeartBrokenWife]

I feel broken. I had no idea he’d fallen out of love with me. I’m 61 and he’s a little bit younger, but the woman he’s having an affair with is just so much younger than me that it has made me feel almost suicidal. I’m not going to do anything to myself, but I can’t eat or sleep and he’s just smirking at me. I feel utterly humiliated.

My daughter is taking me to a solicitor tomorrow and I’m going to start divorce proceedings, but I feel hollowed out inside and I’m asking myself over and over what I did wrong. I couldn’t help growing older. I’m so sad 😭

I’m sorry you’re going through this. She too will grow older - but I doubt age is his reason. More like he’s flattered he’s been able to turn the head of a younger woman. Thinks he’s the dogs bollocks amongst his mates no doubt. Meanwhile she’s probably thinking she’s got a well off older fella and probably knows quite well her age is what’s got him, once she’s rinsed him (or maybe discovered he’s not well off idk) she’ll move on to the next.

I bet you’re fabulous! Don’t let an insecure cretin ruin your self esteem!

Sorry this has happened to you. Men are so shit sometimes. The karma with these men chasing very young women is
a) they start their chaotic expensive lives again with young children involved whilst you can enjoy your retirement
b) this young woman will get sick of being with an old man when the financial and parenting benefits no longer our way the drudgery of life with someone who you have very little or nothing in common with.

You WILL have the last laugh eventually. And you WILL be glad he showed his true colours and you can live a truer, happier life without the baggage of an arsehole weighing you down.

Sorry you are suffering OP - you don't deserve his treatment of you.

As you recover from this heartbreak, (comforted by a sound divorce settlement, the love of your children, and a home that gives you happiness) note that you will not be required to do the heavy nursing/caring that the system would have allowed to fall on you before very long.

No matter how young his date is, he will continue to age at the usual rate and men do tend to age faster than us.

Please do this.

He is in a position of power over her and so this opens up a huge can of worms at work. Make him squirm.

Please don’t feel humiliated. I’m sure his friends and family and colleagues are appalled at his behaviour.
Younger than own daughter is a line that is extremely distasteful to cross. I know she’s an adult but he could be her grandfather.

'ACOLYTE'??

Yuck, does he see himself as Christian Grey or something?

Why in god's name is he smirking at you?

I'm cringing at him - what a fool, it won't last.

Glad you have your daughter and well done for acting fast to move on with your life, which will be better without that sad old twit in it.

As soon as her child grows up she’ll have to switch to being his carer. He will be dithery and forgetful and not a partner long before that happens. They won’t make friends easily because who will they fit in with? You on the other hand can look forward to years of freedom and who knows what wonderful adventures await without this man being a burden on you. You’ll enjoy good relationships with your own family too, grandchildren etc. He’ll end up alone. It’s inevitable.

Oh gosh I have a good friend who suffered something very similar (not quite the enormous age difference, this one was a mere 20 years!) Oh course it didn't work out. how could it?
Then of course he was all full of remorse and wanted to come back, when the financial realities of divorcing a long term "wife" and the new woman wanting babies surfaced.
My friend could never forgive him for the humiliation but has gone on to prosper and enjoy life, she has a new and lovely partner (who adores her) and he has ruined his relationship with his DC's who have never forgotten his treatment of their mother.
Chin up OP, hope all goes well with the solicitor.

Thanks everyone for all this amazing support. I’m a bit overwhelmed by it actually. I think I sort of lost my marbles recently, well ever since I found out exactly what the arse that I had the misfortune to marry was up to, and this has given me a boost.

I spent an hour and a half talking with the solicitor and I’m feeling a lot better now because I should, in theory, have enough to buy myself a little cottage. He’s off on a “business” trip next month and the solicitor has advised me that it would be an excellent opportunity to get the house valued without him knowing anything about it, so that’s my plan.

I have to admit that I got very flustered before setting off for the appointment and I managed to leave half my paperwork at home e.g. his pension details etc, but my amazing daughter ran back to the car park and drove home to get them for me! I was so determined that he wouldn’t find anything that I’d hidden them. I’ll be better prepared next time. He may think he’s already “won”, but he’s misjudged me!!!

It is indeed.
Very few women would happily devote their 30s and early 40s to an elderly man.
OP, you have already had the best of what this substandard specimen has to offer. The best of his looks, fitness, strength, physical capability and no doubt his personality, as very few grow in charm as they grow in age.
This unfortunate young woman is now left with the remnants of something that wasn't that great to start with. While you, as @Charlieiscool so rightly points out, have gained your freedom.
And at a time when a woman has typically far more life in her than a man her own age.

Quite frankly, any man who referred to me as his ‘little acolyte’ would see my tail-lights disappearing over the horizon faster than you can say 'dirty old man'.

Grotesque.

Glad to hear you're feeling more positive OP. I expect you'll have ups and downs so please be kind to yourself. We're all here cheering you on and keeping fingers crossed you get to trade in a shit husband for a lovely cottage!

I guess he knows you know all about her?

Make sure you move half your savings in an account for you, so he doesn't spend it on her

I am so sorry OP that you husband has turned out to be an absolute twat. Please make sure you have all financial details, could he have any accounts you don’t know about? Use his time away to find out all you can about his finances. Is he still living at home? Both of you will have to offer full financial disclosure but my ex convinced a judge that one account he had was so that he could make emergency payments to his new partner to pay bills and never disclosed how much was in there. Emergency electricity payment really?

Stay strong x

In a previous role, one of the assistant principals, a 60 year old man who looked like Gollum crossed with Nosferatu and minced around in his Paul Smith and Ted Baker suits trying to look young, shagged a 23year old office assistant and she became pregnant. He was a laughing stock at work and eventually they got rid of him. Not sure why as I left myself before that happened. Horrible man.

It's so GOOD to hear a woman who, although devastated, is keeping a level head and seeking legal advice.

I think it might be a good idea to get the 'records' you're gathering out of the house. Could you keep them at your DD's place? Also important documents like your marriage certificate, birth certificate, mortgage details, etc etc. Chances are he either has or will soon be getting legal advice of his own and may decide to hide the documents from you! Also, consider getting valuable personal items/jewelry out of the house. A friend had a valuable piece of jewelry her shitty ex had given her 'disappear' before they separated and he denied any knowledge of it and said she must have lost it and 'don't blame me for your carelessness'. It turned up on the wrist of the OW about 6 months after the divorce was finalized.

I'd also use the time he's away to scour the house for more documents to copy or keep hidden, AND to do a video/photo inventory of the contents.

He may think he’s already “won”, but he’s misjudged me!!!

*

Bravo OP (I will not refer to you as 'heartbrokenwife' cos you ain't!)

You have a entire MN army behind you! Hell hath no fury (like a woman scorned)!

Excellent news. Some ladies do have supportive ongoing threads on here so don’t hesitate to keep posting if it helps. Lots of very sensible advice usually. I can tell you are going to be fine.

You're amazing OP!

Perfect timing for his little trip to get things moving.

I assume he is still living at home? How long have you known?

I'm so sorry OP. Of course aging is normal, he's old too now so more fool her. She's got a soon to be geriatric as a boyfriend. 🤣🤣🤣

Let him laugh, he'll soon be crying.

Get shut of him. Plenty of other nice men around your age, so pls make sure you go out and enjoy yourself. 🥰

My exDH is 67 and last year started a relationship with a woman in her late 30's. From what I understand from mutual friends, she is starting to resent the realities of living with a pensioner!
You're doing great OP - but be prepared for nasty surprises from your DH in the months to come. He isn't the man you married and has had goodness knows how long to plot and plan before you were aware of his affair. Don't expect him to play fair. (Voice of experience.)
And how dare he smirk 😠

What drew her to him in the first place?

So pleased you’ve had a positive chat with your solicitor.

Your DD sounds awesome!