Age gap

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How much of an age gap is too large? I say 10-15 years is no biggie but others think wildly inappropriate, thoughts?
and at what age is a large age gap ‘appropriate’?

I see age gaps and causing a disjoint in peoples lives: one person wanting to retire, the other too young to contemplate it financially.

Any more than 3 or 4 years is going much in my view

Tbh I think it’s more about what life stage people are in. A 40 yo with a 52 yo doesn’t seem weird. An 18 yo with a 30 yo does. Both 12 years though.

Considering some actors and models it's varies

It depends how much you think about your future.
32 and 45, both at same life stage, no biggie. But for those who think of the future, no thanks do I want to be 58 going out with a 71 year old man.

But also, I do think the older people who are 'choosing' a younger model, be they male or female, aren't the good ones.

Good grief.

Age is just a number.
A young 70 year has more life in them than many 50 year olds.
It's all about health and attitude.

Depends on the age of the people involved. A 10 year age gap in either direction for an 18 year old is different to a 10 year age gap in either direction for a 38 year old

I'm 11 years older than DH. We've been married for nearly 20 years so it's worked for us! I'm now in my v early 50s and he's in his late 30s and I can honestly say that the age difference has never been an issue. It's never even registered, really.

For me, realistically I wouldn't date a guy more than 5 years older. However, I can see how larger age gaps can work. Depends on what life stage you're at, health, fitness, long-term goals etc.

Agree about it depending on what life stage you are at. My DH is 7 yrs older than me & it has worked out for us, we are together 22 yrs.

Assuming he was 18/19 and you were 29/30, was having children not a problem? Were you on the same page or did you manage to find a compromise? And did your careers never cause tension? I assume at 30 most people are settled on one rough pathway whereas an 18 year old is just starting out and making some pretty big decisions. Lots of room for fall out?

I’m guessing he was a typical teenager though, as a woman who is early 30s I wouldn’t touch a teenage boy with a barge pole.

5 years either way

Age isn't just a number. It's a measure of life and experience too.

I had a brief fling a couple of years ago with someone 20 years my junior. He also saw age as just a number but for me it was life lived and experience - university as a mature student, holidays he hadn't had chance to have, relationship experience, sexual experience, cultural references, our lived experience of the world technology wise, professional experience, the fact he wanted children and I've been there and done that. It was everything.

I've always taken a dim view of men who exclusively date younger women and that experience just consolidated it. The imbalance was huge and actally what killed the fling off.

I think the reason women feel age is just a number is because women are usually the younger party and, when you're the younger one, you do experience it as age is just a number. But it doesn't feel like that from the other side in my experience.

My boyfriend is 12 years older than me. I experience it as 'just a number' but I do sometimes wonder what he thinks. The age difference did bother him initially.

From 18+ ideally 2-3 years younger or older but life doesn't always work out according to ideals!

Oh God I just realised my comment basically means a 15 and 18 year old! No no no! I meant if they are both 18 and over it's 2 or 3 years older max......... I don't even think 16 and 18 is great as buying alcohol etc..le'ts say from 20 then? 18 and 20 fine.

It's different when the younger partner is barely out of their teens I think.

I don't think age is just a number. The exceptions don't make the rule.
You may know a spritely 70 year old in a better nick than a 50 year old but it generally isn't this way.
Financial, sexual, emotional, and life experience in general is not the same once it's 10+ years difference. I'm not saying it can't work but it's certainly easier if you were a year or three closer to age.
Some people are so childish and act so immature though you'd never know they are the much older half.

I met and fell in love with a wonderful woman when i was 28,she was a 47 of age widow,
We had almost 30years together.

There's an 11 year gap between me and my DH and it never even registers as a 'thing'. It probably helps that the group of people we socialise and spend time with is also a wide variety of ages from mid-20's to mid-60's so it's not like he stands out amongst our friends either - we both fit into each other's lives well, so it works.

I guess if you had a 40 year old hanging out with a 25 year old and all their 25 year old friends, that might feel a bit strange.

I’ve seen half the oldest’s age +7 mentioned here, that kind of works, but I’m not sure it’s ideal above about 50.

This is so arbitrary though. I really don't think you can put a formula on it because it depends on the individuals.

If they're in love then who is anyone to tell them that they are not right together because one partner is only half the other's age + 6?

it’s clearly not the law!

Indeed and a shared life with someone of 70, even if active is VERY different when you are ‘just’ 50

I think people get a shock because they think it’s just’ a number

He was 19 and I was 30. I already had DD (then 5) and he brought her up as his own, so we did have a child and were both quite happy to stop at just the one.

I worked PT when DD was little and the plan was for me to go back FT when she was older, but I was diagnosed with a chronic illness which left me disabled and unable to work. DH's career has progressed brilliantly thankfully so although not well off, we've always been okay financially.

He was definitely not a typical teenager! I thought he was much older when we met. His hobbies included crosswords and birdwatching! He wasn't ever interested in clubbing or boozy nights out with his friends. He's a musician and prefers to be at home practising, I play an instrument too and we often practice together. We have loads of shared interests and I think that's key, whatever your ages.

We had loads of judgement from people in our early days and were told constantly that it wouldn't last. 20 years later we're still absolutely rock solid and adore each other.

Been there and bought the t-shirt.

Me 19 him 34. Together for 7 years until I wanted kids and he didn't. He already had two.

My only advice is to be upfront - and to be fair he was about not wanting any more kids - I guess I just thought I could change his mind.