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Original poster

Age gap

134 replies

Qwertyasdfgz · 13/10/2022 21:57

How much of an age gap is too large? I say 10-15 years is no biggie but others think wildly inappropriate, thoughts?
and at what age is a large age gap ‘appropriate’?

OP posts:
PotatoFamily · 14/10/2022 07:17

I was married to someone 11 years older. It was fine until I was 30 and he was 41. Suddenly he didn’t want to go out anymore and I wasn’t allowed to either. I’m so glad I’m or married to him now, though thought of being with a 71 year old when I’m 60 fills me with horror. I 100% had daddy issues.

I’m remarried to someone 5 years younger now and we are much better suited,

frozendaisy · 14/10/2022 07:35

Same school year is perfect

littleburn · 14/10/2022 07:42

I've been with my partner for a year. I'm 47 and he's 37, so a 10 year gap. We're both divorced with a child each (who are 3 years apart in age) and both have well-established careers. A 10 year gap sounds a lot, but it doesn't feel like a lot in our situation.

ReachedTheEndofCake · 14/10/2022 07:44

I’m with someone older, Dad is with someone younger… somehow it’s worked out that we’re with someone the same age (6month age gap).

I find it weird as a situation, but the individual couples work so 🤷🏻‍♀️ get on with it if everyone is happy.

zonky · 14/10/2022 07:54

littleburn · 14/10/2022 07:42

I've been with my partner for a year. I'm 47 and he's 37, so a 10 year gap. We're both divorced with a child each (who are 3 years apart in age) and both have well-established careers. A 10 year gap sounds a lot, but it doesn't feel like a lot in our situation.

@littleburn

How do you deal with the menopause approaching?

littleburn · 14/10/2022 07:57

@zonky I've been in HRT the last 2 years and I'm doing fine. I don't see how that's relevant though? If my partner was 47 or 57 I'd still be in peri and on HRT.

starrynight21 · 14/10/2022 08:06

Depends on the stage of life, really. When I met DH I was 18, he was 30. We got such a lot of judgement from everyone , we broke up over it. Met again when I was 50, he was 62, nobody made a comment. Same age difference, different stage of life.

booboo24 · 14/10/2022 08:20

I married my first boyfriend, he was the same age as me (just 6 months between us) we met at 14. We divorced at 36. 10 years on I'm now with someone 6 years older, it doesn't register at all apart from when songs come on from the 80's and I say I remember skating to this at the roller disco, he replies with oh dear, I was in ibiza that year on my first lads holiday!!! So to a certain extent I agree, 6 years to someone in their late teens is obviously a no, but in your 40's it's fine. Life experiences and goals are what determines it

I wouldn't date younger by much more than a year or two, and I personally wouldn't go much older than 6 or 7 years. Luckily my partner is still very active and immature like me!!!

Sushi7 · 14/10/2022 09:03

Depends on how young the youngest person is. 18 and 23 is a bit icky (different life stages - the former has only just packed away their school uniform and PE kit and the latter left university years ago). However, 30 and 35 is totally fine.

bert3400 · 14/10/2022 09:06

@MysteryCallWTF ditto ....25 years together. We are the happiest, most normal
Couple I know 🤣

PinotPony · 14/10/2022 16:36

DP is 30 and I'm 48.

We've been together for almost three years. He's at university as a mature student. I work full time in a rewarding career. I have teenage DCs. We see each other every couple of weeks.

The age difference doesn't matter. He's more emotionally mature than a lot of middle-aged guys I've dated. I love the energy he brings to the relationship, how he'll run around with the kids and dog. He says he likes being with a woman who is confident and knows her own mind.

I've introduced him to so much good music and films! He's taught me how to use Instagram.

We're clearly at different stages in our lives, so it may not last. I don't see us ever living together. I joke that I'm teaching him to be a great husband to his future wife. But we make each other very happy and I'm a great believer in living for the moment. Life is too short to pass up love and happiness for fear of what the future holds.

fluffyblanketsareyay · 14/10/2022 16:47

There's a girl in my town who is married to a man 30 yrs older. He has kids that are older than she is. I personally couldn't do it, the age gap would become a massive issue when we would get older, and I don't think I'd want to be married to an 80 year (very) old man when I was 50 and still young. But I appreciate that that is just my opinion.

xfan · 14/10/2022 16:49

PinotPony · 14/10/2022 16:36

DP is 30 and I'm 48.

We've been together for almost three years. He's at university as a mature student. I work full time in a rewarding career. I have teenage DCs. We see each other every couple of weeks.

The age difference doesn't matter. He's more emotionally mature than a lot of middle-aged guys I've dated. I love the energy he brings to the relationship, how he'll run around with the kids and dog. He says he likes being with a woman who is confident and knows her own mind.

I've introduced him to so much good music and films! He's taught me how to use Instagram.

We're clearly at different stages in our lives, so it may not last. I don't see us ever living together. I joke that I'm teaching him to be a great husband to his future wife. But we make each other very happy and I'm a great believer in living for the moment. Life is too short to pass up love and happiness for fear of what the future holds.

Yes, he may leave to have his own biological children, do you ever talk about it? And the fact you're going to be menopausal?

oldtableleg · 14/10/2022 16:58

depends how old you are & what sort of relationship you want.

As a late 40s woman I have zero interest in a serious relationship with a man older than me - I have no interest in setting myself up as an old man's carer. I'd casually date older men but nothing serious. When I was much younger (20s) & not remotely interested in settling down/commitment I was happy to date men 10 years older, I wouldn't be interested in a man in his early 60s now. When it came to ltr & marriage I was looking for someone much closer in age - my husband is 9 months older than me - and in stage in life.

I know too many women who married men 10/15/20 years older whose lives are pretty restricted once they get to their 50s. A retirement spent caring for a very elderly person rather than travelling etc - no thanks! My mother & grandmother both married younger men & that's got a lot going for it.

Ofcourseshecan · 14/10/2022 17:15

Age was "just a number" in my 20s, 30s, even 40s. But past that there's no way of denying what age starts doing to our health, strength, energy, abilities.

We have a small amount of control over how quickly it affects us. Healthy diet, exercise, keeping enthusiasm for life -- they can all help to fend off the changes made by age. Doing a job that doesn't expose you to workplace accidents, or to the damage caused by a sedentary lifestyle. Not smoking or doing drugs.

But a lot of it is about genetics. Regardless of your positive or negative outlook, some of us will age faster and some slower. The age your parents and other older relatives live/d to is a clue. Also their state of health in old age.

So a 15-year age gap you barely notice at 30-45 may be very different at 58-73.

Ofcourseshecan · 14/10/2022 17:17

xfan · 14/10/2022 16:49

Yes, he may leave to have his own biological children, do you ever talk about it? And the fact you're going to be menopausal?

Show quote history

As PP says, I'm a great believer in living for the moment. Life is too short to pass up love and happiness for fear of what the future holds.

Ofcourseshecan · 14/10/2022 17:22

Zonky, xfan, what is this dread of menopause? It's not the end of the world -- nor of sexuality, energy, pleasure in life. It can be a nuisance at times, but so can periods. It's not some kind of huge impassable gate!

Unforgettablefire · 14/10/2022 17:33

I don't think it matters at all. If two people click and are happy then I don't see where age comes into it, unless one partner is really young and hasn't grown mentally yet.

MysteryCallWTF · 14/10/2022 17:45

Ofcourseshecan · 14/10/2022 17:22

Zonky, xfan, what is this dread of menopause? It's not the end of the world -- nor of sexuality, energy, pleasure in life. It can be a nuisance at times, but so can periods. It's not some kind of huge impassable gate!

Exactly! I feel better now post meno than I ever did when I was having agonising periods two weeks apart. I have more energy and I don't spend two weeks a month in pain. Plus no need for contraception, which is still a lovely novelty for us both!

PinotPony · 14/10/2022 20:34

@xfan We talk about it. He tells me he is not bothered about having children. If that changes, he still has plenty of time. In the meantime, he's a great uncle to his nieces and nephews.

I am peri-menopausal and on HRT. He's shown an interest in learning about it. Asked me lots of questions about my coil and what strength of patches I use. I don't know why you'd think that relevant to the relationship though..?

I still have a high sex drive, more so than him at times! I workout every day and we sometimes go running together so there's no mismatch in our energy or fitness levels. It's nice to have someone who can keep up with me... most 50 year old guys I know are terribly unfit.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 14/10/2022 21:28

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Turnipp · 14/10/2022 22:04

I was with someone eight years older when I was 18, we did get along, and I don't think the age gap wasn't that bad. We just had a lot of interference from others.

I am now with someone the same age (weeks, not months); it's better because, in some ways, we are going through life same time, so it is easier.

Newtrix · 14/10/2022 22:14

My in laws are 59 and 77, been very happy for 39 years.

HyggeandTea · 14/10/2022 22:20

16 years between us, I am 49 now, he is the younger one. We have been together 4 years and it is great. (the menopause did not send him running for the hills!)

I've said it before. Date someone who adores you, is a decent person and you are attracted too. People change physically at all ages (fat, thin, haircuts, scars, teeth etc). Some people are complete muppets, regardless of age/age difference.

Go for that initial attraction and develop that depth of relationship over time. Then it should be fine."

Azandme · 14/10/2022 22:22

I'm 16 years older than DP. Been together 3.5 years and ridiculously happy.

We have the same sense of humour, we love the same things, we are equal in everything but the number of laps we've done around a ball of fire.

If you'd suggested such an age gap to me before I'd have been horrified. Now, we're just us. The age thing only bothers other people.