Dating thread 234 ... spooky times ahead

[BelladiMamma]

New thread!

Could someone else please copy and paste the rules ...?

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss I've been told since being single and dating that I'm a snorer too - ex dh of 20+ years never mentioned it. I'm worse if I've been out drinking apparently 😱😅

Hi everyone,

Apologies I haven't really been commenting on individual situations I'm still trying to get a sense of where you're all at.

I am talking to 3 potential irons but how on Earth do you remember information about each one? Or remember what conversation you had with who? Should I be keeping a diary with this written down? HELP?!

@Mila14 I am in awe at your ability to compartmentalise your dating life; you have your head screwed on how I would like mine

I should probably start a new thread or name change for this but am feeling too fragile to get yabu posts…. I’m in h

Sorry not sure what happened there. This is going to sound very trivial but I really don’t like dogs. I live in a place where most b people seem to have them and I tolerate friends dogs because I like the friends, but with my children grown up I really don’t want the restriction of a dog. My bf and is have complicated situation which is why I am on this thread and have got so much wisdom from you all and am so grateful -this relationship would not have survived without the c insights from posters on here. He is very impulsive, which is one of the reasons I enjoy being with him and I like the spontaneity. Recently he has spoken a few times about getting a dog. Some acquaintances of mine have a dog which he has really taken to and they mentioned that the breeder is planning another litter soon. A couple of times he has asked my for their number so he can get the breeder’s number. We have just had two fantastic weekends doing things you couldn’t do with a dog.
I am really upset because as dog would completely change things for us and I don’t think he has thought through the implications. Also he has never owned a dog (he has a cat). He often gets things on a whim but they are inanimate objects and a dog needs consistency and training and is a long term commitment like a child.
I have him my acquaintance’s number but also sent a few messages with links to various organisations where you can borrow a dog for walks etc/look after while owners away etc to try out dog ‘ownership’ before committing. He hasn’t replied to thank e for sending the number so I think he is either annoyed at my suggestions or realises I am really unhappy at the idea.
I can’t talk to anyone in RL about this s as everyone loves dogs and wouldn’t see the problem. We’ be had such a good time recently j and got much closer and I thought we had really made a step change up in our relationship but I just feel this is a deal-breaker.
Sorry for the middle of the night rant. Just feeling really upset.

JangolinaPitt I'm just up in the night for a wee so saw your post. Sending you big hugs&

You sound really stressed out by this situation, I understand the not liking dogs thing. I'm very nervous around dogs. If it's the 'right' dog then I'm ok & will love them but I need time to see that, eg a dog leaping up at my face while their owner giggles 'They aren't dangerous!' doesn't help me.

I thought the 'try out a dog' kind of schemes sounded brilliant when I read that! I think all of your worries are valid (even for somebody who did like dogs, they would be valid) & can only really suggest that you talk to bf & make the points about, eg if you did weekends like you just did, then what would happen to the dog? It's just asking questions isn't it.
Also it's ok to tell him you don't like dogs, some people don't, that's a part of you & he likes you remember

I'm probably not making much sense but I just wanted to post & say I hope you are ok.x

@NervesOfCotton thank you so much!!!!!!!!

JangolinaPitt No worries
How are you feeling about it now? It's horrible when something stresses you out isn't it, & it's a fair thing to be worried about!

winniewitchy I've only ever spoken to more than one at a time while we were still using the site, so I could quickly check back on the messages each time to see if I was answering the right one

Joining my name to the snorers too... I wake myself up snoring, so I'm assuming that means I snore the whole way through!

Thanks so much @NervesOfCotton -love the kindness of strangers! X

@JangolinaPitt I like dogs, certainly more than cats, had dog in a previous LTR & I liked the dog the most really, BUT they are a full time commitment, you can leave one for a few hours and that’s about it really unless you have a good dogsitter / neighbour available and restrict what you can do, where you can go, it needs training , walk’s vet bills etc, not the cheapest things in the world

JangolinaPitt

I think he’s salty as he’s picked up on your disapproval loud and clear

and your Upset as you are smitten , and have immediately gone to worst case scenario around his potential commitment to dog ownership , and how this will negatively impact things between you , and impact the positive progress recently

it’s very hard in these complex relationships as often something seemingly minor can trigger other things and feeling

as such I’d definitely pause and have a think 🤔 before reacting , and making conclusions if that makes sense ?

and that’s an ‘easy to say ‘ not so
easy to do

winniewitchy

i tend to move the chat to WhatsApp and then you have the chat beforehand

and name them !
john the gardener
Javier the teacher
etc !

IF and when I move to OLD again ill consider turning off my read receipts and blue ticks

@JangolinaPitt I’m the world’s biggest dog lover but I’ve grown up with dogs and I am happy to construct my life around one. I completely understand and respect that other people not being the same as me. They absolutely cannot be acquired on a whim, good god no, and they are a massive, massive commitment. Rather than hinting or implying doubts I think you should have a full and frank discussion with him: a dog is for life, and if his life includes you then it can’t include dog ownership.

Thank you yes I am absolutely going to do that -not as an ultimatum but make it clear that it is not a decision to take lightly and that it would c drastically affect our relationship. He is used to being dumped by women this relationship is the longest he has has had but I think he thinks it is inevitable I will dump him, so maybe he is engineering it so that the income will be what he expects.

For attention to the MOTHERSHIP

It is with great sadness… that on top of having fart attack while COMPLETELY ASLEEP, I snore…apparently MrEx is used to move me and flip me while sleeping so he can have a sleep. I carry 0 weight as I am under 8st and a size 6UK but I can make the bed move and not because of love making.

Howlongy…brilliant state of affairs on your side. I always suspected you were a GOOD’UN…I love it you help Mrs H and her daughter for that matter. Mrs Show ( mothership decided to revert her name as the Mrs is on probation and good behaviour is observed) is being consistent and she probably thinks you are not someone she wants to lose. Keep your eyes open and report to the mothership but…I think if the dog likes you…everything will work out just fine

Dear Jangolina …I grew up with dogs. I don’t own a dog ( and God knows how much pressure the kids have put on me). I don’t want to have a dog because it’s a massive responsibility and I totally agree with you. I think you should discuss this with him and he needs to know having a dog will also impact on him being free and impulsive
A dog is a massive responsibility. Whereas a cat is a lot easier to care for. I have 1 cat and in the process of getting a second. It’s super easy to take care of and we can travel and leave her home ( neighbours and family feed her etc )
Maybe…suggest he gets a second cat?

Thanks yes - ironically he did foster a second car but the first was so jealous that he couldn’t keep it!

Jangolina

ironically he did foster a second car but the first was so jealous that he couldn’t keep it!

Ive had 2 cats too. There’s a process of adaptation and cats need to be separated in the same house. It takes time and they are introduced to each other slowly but eventually it clicks.

Hi Everyone!

I used to be on this thread and have name changed. I have probably been single the longest and I don't recognise many names anymore. I'd love to say it was because I have had a lovely long relationship but that would be untrue.... I couldn't be bothered for so long in even trying as got my heart pretty badly broken last time.

This thread has always been so very supportive though.

I've been back on the saddle so to speak, various awful dates as expected. Hoping for better luck this time.

The cat probably won’t adapt well to a puppy then - he may be in for a world of pain!

Welcome @QueenConsort …you will soon will have better dates 😊

Yeah , sorry about that, farting & snoring is not very glamorous, but if MrEx is okay with it, don’t stress out

I have no problem with it Howlongy…I’m still feeling very sexy but human 😊. The farting thing I hate but it happened and he did not care. The snoring thing varies but it’s a fact I snore 😂😂

How do you let someone down gently? 😬
My peachy seems to think we are in some kind of relationship even though I have made it clear (so I thought) that I don’t want a relationship. We have been seeing each other every week or 2 weeks mainly for sex which isn’t that great. He’s not really my type but he’s a nice enough person. He drinks a lot, I am t total, he’s much older than me and his life style is different than mine. I would have liked to have stayed friends but I have a feeling he won’t agree to that once I ‘friend zone’ him. Me and dd are staying near where he lives next week and he seems to think he’s going to join us for meals and a couple days out but that’s not what I want. We never had the exclusive talk….I have often spoke about other guys on dating apps and have said “I’m not looking for a relationship” many times. I need to let him down before next week.

@Lovemusic33 …does he have his own kids? He must know sex is not great either and you really are not looking for any serious with him
I hate doing this but I had to do it with MrO. Say he’s wonderful man and lovely but you are not feeling this relationship and would like to move on. Saying “ you are a really lovely man” “ you are wonderful “ to start with ALWAYS works. They have zero self awareness…if they did have any they would have known your lifestyles are not aligned and the sex is crap as well. I prefer to do WhatsApp…I can’t be bothered to talk on phone honestly. I leave like “ maybe we can go for a coffee sometime and I wish you the very best” .Run quickly @Lovemusic33