Dating thread 234 ... spooky times ahead

[BelladiMamma]

New thread!

Could someone else please copy and paste the rules ...?

He has one child/older teen. I haven’t seen him for a few weeks (I have made excuses) and have hardly been messaging him so he must know what’s coming?
He messaged me earlier asking me if it’s next week I am down (on holiday), I haven’t replied 😬. It’s hard dumping someone when for me it wasn’t even a relationship but he obviously thinks it’s more serious than it is. The sex was pretty rubbish, was kind of hoping it would improve but it didn’t. I will message him later and tell him I’m not looking for a relationship right now and I don’t really feel a spark even though he’s a lovely person.

@Lovemusic33 …is he over 50? I am slowly realising sex is really unreliable with older guys. What is so different lifestyle wise ? Is he only seeing you?

Also @Lovemusic33 , is he not going on holiday too with DS?

I'd just get it out of the way, do it now. It's not working for you.

I remember you @Lovemusic33 😁 it's Bang here.

He is over 50 but no issues with ED just not very good at it and keeps on about how “all women love anal” 😬. He’s 54 and I am 40 (a young 40) and he’s a very similar build to my dad which is giving me the ick. I think he’s only seeing me though we have never had the talk of being exclusive, he knows I am still talking to other people on dating apps.

Dd and I are holidaying near where he lives, so he’s not on holiday with his dc. He just said he would meet up whilst we were there but I don’t really want too. My dd is a teen and is autistic, she won’t want to spend our holiday with a random man (and neither do I) 😬.

I am going to just tell him that my life is pretty hectic right now and he doesn’t really fit into it (which is true), he lives too far away, the age gap is too much for me and his drinking is too much but I don’t need to tell him all that do I?

I can’t believe he wants to intrude on you and your DD holiday…that’s just nuts @Lovemusic33 …Eve if she wasn’t autistic, that’s just wrong if you haven’t introduced kids to each other and they are familiarised

Tell it how it is 😭😭😭

@Lovemusic33 …Jesus!!

…no issues with ED just not very good at it and keeps on about how “all women love anal”

😳 no we do not…

generalisations never do anyone any favours, do they? By no means all women love anal of course though some do - but anyway what gives that loser the authority to make such a statement? And many men in their 50s are fantastic at sex - maybe slightly differently to their 20s, but (in my experience anyway) much better for the woman than callow youths.

@Lovemusic33 i found the line ‘we’ve come to the end of the road with this relationship, all the best my friend’ worked well when I was in a not dissimilar situation. No explanation

@Badbaddogagain …true. MrEx 55 best sex of my life…

all women love anal

fuck off peachey
and when you get there , fuck off a bit further

not all women love anal
our arses are not exactly designed for anal either
whereas mens actually are

in fact (thanks porn hub) more women are going in with anal injuries

seriously I’d dump him for that alone

and I’m not anti anal , each to their own

Worsy 😂😂😂😂…

fuck off peachey

and when you get there , fuck off a bit further

I sent the message, he did reply and told me that I’m a lovely person and he understands.

Yes the annal thing did annoy me, he kind of made me feel like I was weird for not liking it because “all women like annal”, I did tell him that I know a lot of women and no, they don’t all like it.

i now need to meet some new irons, Mr Tattoo is really interesting but I think he may just turn into a pen pal.

@QueenConsort Welcome back bang👋

Lovemusic33

efficient !
you sure he 100% got the message
I’m sure he will pop up again

bit well done and sounds like you did it kindly

Well done @Lovemusic33 that must be a weight off your mind getting that message sent. Nicely done too. So much better than ghosting or a confusing but obvious decline in comms fade (speaking from experience)

Can someone please tell me how the hell you stop getting all crushy and over invested on an iron. I'm my own worst enemy and do it every single time when all I want to be is cool calm and uninvested.
I mean it's ridiculous. A man I've met just once is occupying all my thoughts and it's driving me bananas.
Any tips gratefully received.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

I'm the same I find it so hard to not just concentrate on one person at a time. It's natural to want to talk to the one you find most alluring and it makes me inclined to ignore all others.

One of my potential irons has been deleted when he asked the question "would you meet for a cuddle?"

Instant ick. Why would anyone commit to that surely that's something you cannot plan

🤣🤣🤣instant ick.

It's a terrible vicious cycle. The alluring one makes the others seem so dire and the dire icky ones make the alluring ones seem so.... dreamy and 'perfect' (obvs not perfect but lots of ✅) in the way they converse.

Im totally coming off the apps when this MrCurly iron ends/fades etc. I cannae take much more of this.

Hello, checking in for support. I'm a bit nervous. Will have a first date soon and I haven't got one for many years. What if we have nothing to talk and just stare each other? Is there a standard set of filler topics if I can't think of anything to say?? Lockdown has made me so antisocial 🤐

So massively grateful for the support on here when I was so down. This is quite outing if anyone knows us, but I steeled myself to talk to Mr Serb last night about the dog thing. But the ultimate irony is that we were going to a friend of a friends house for drink and didn’t know that their dog had just had puppies so there were lots of gorgeous cuddly puppies and a house full of dog lovers -I really felt like crying. But had a long talk with Mr Serb and said it would massively impact our relationship and that I really feel so uncomfortable about it. He has agreed to wait for 2years to get one… I an massively relieved because if we are still together then we might be living together which would make a difference and if we are not together I won’t care anyway 😁

JangolinaPitt What a great outcome! Well done, I'm so pleased for you that it went so well... & With the squishy (to him) puppies around too!

OKigen It will be fine, I always feel like this at the start of my dates but if it helps I've found that talking about what I'd like to do helps. Hobbies that i'd like to do in the near future/places I'd like to visit one day etc (nothing too deep!) Gives you a good feel for the other person & where they are at in their life too.

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

ive been watching a guy called Matthew Hussey on YouTube

he’s a bit like the male version of Natalie Lue but I like him as he gives a more male perspective on the issues we are facing with dating

Also how men don’t have the support network we do when things go awry , and in fact their support network post divorce is almost non existent

he also reviewed some texts between an emotionally avoidant man and an obsessed woman and totally nailed it !

realistically we get obsessed with an ideal
not WHO they are
so it’s not about them , it’s our little brains 🧠 that turn it into something way more dramatic than it is

but his videos have helped me figure a few things out - and look im still obsessed with Balkan
how he is where he is what’s he doing ..

but worth a watch

JangolinaPitt

good result x